AIBU to inform the school safeguarding lead after this?

[rebectable]

Daughters friend, 8 years old, turned up at our house at 10pm at night. Walked around 10 mins to our house, and was outside our front door for 12 minutes. Didn't press video doorbell, but hubby noticed it on phone, app notification from sensor. Took her home, parents were in bed. Told mother this morning, who messaged back, apologised, showed some contrition - but hardly loads. Girl sneaked out, took keys, and locked door. Turned up with teddy and pyjamas for "sleepover". My daughter was asleep upstairs. Some kind of sleepover game at school, but nothing arranged. Do I report to school safeguarding lead?

Why oh WHY do people not read at least the OP's posts before piling in with their "wisdom"? The child was not dumped at her door without a word.

OP clearly says she was taken into the house by an older teenage sibling.

If this is the only thing that’s ever concerned you then no I wouldn’t report anything.

Tell the school for sure because if there's a stupid game going on they need to know about it.
You don't know quite what happened at home - teen let's her in, noone wakes parents. As a mum my focus would be my kids not discussing with you apart from apologising. Not sure to what degree you want her to wail and rend garments here.
You need to also assess how much your daughter was complicit. Did she lure this girl out - are they all laughing at this girl being duped.
And then you apologise to the mum for your dad's part.
But tell the school and be sure to give them permission to talk to your daughter if you can't get anything more out of her.
You can email the school now to pick up on Monday first thing after the registers are done.

Why would you bang on the door when the child has been let in by an older sibling?

Fairly obviously, OP must have let the older sibling know what had happened.

Don't be silly.

The school would want to know.

We have a responsibility and duty of care to children and their family now that extends beyond the remit of just acting in loco parentis while the child is at school.

Eg the police now notify schools if they have attended a DV call to a house where a child is present.

But surely you would still want to speak to the parents at the time. Not a teenage sibling who is not responsible for their sibling.

Anyway it's interesting that there hasn't been an update from @rebectable to all the questions asking what her daughter knows about this 'sleepover game'.

This post is bizarre! A couple witness something they are so concerned about- something that’s happened at their own house at the weekend-that they shout it’s a SAFEGUARDING issue and think something must be done, but decide to do absolutely nothing themselves.

Posting on Mumsnet and trying to shift responsibility onto the school is their first line of response. Perfect.

Do you think safeguarding is everyone else’s responsibility, or just other people’s?

But the child could have several records on CPOMS that you knew absolutely nothing about.

If there are any sort of games/trends going on a school then I always report them.

If predatory men get hold of this then they will use it to their advantage.

Sounds like her and DD had made a plan but DD didn’t stick to it/thought she was joking.

This could have ended much worse and the for the next child it might.

You could tell them who it was as then they’ll speak to her and DD about what their actual plans were.

I suspect she hasn't returned because, as usual, most people have jumped on her to tell her that she is the problem.

She's already clarified that she's posting to ask a specific question and not have her actions at the time dissected.

What's the point in her coming back to the thread of people are only going to criticise her and not actually answer her question? She doesn't need to justify herself she's not on trial.

Maybe in hindsight, she realises that she could/should have acted differently but, given she doesn't have a time machine, there's not a lot she can do about it now.

Agree.

I would be reporting the fact the girl turned up at night, then when they dropped her home it was a teenage sibling who took her in (did he say parents were in bed? What was his actual response to being told she had turned up at a friend's house late at night? Could he not have gone and woken his parents - and if not why not? Is this a concern in the home too?).
I would also be sharing what I know about this game. This does mean asking your own DD for the truth. Had this girl been told she could come over? Was this a joke/prank? And were there ill intentions over this e.g. know this girl is particularly vulnerable/possibly left out so tricking her into this was easy as she would have thought it was genuine.

The OP doesn't actually say she told the sibling what happened just that they let her in, so not fairly obvious at all. Although there is a lot of information missing about the whole event and the lack of any clarity means we are unclear about what actually happened or what has happened since.

Hopefully someone is looking out for the poor girl and the OP has spoken to her own daughter who is probably the reason she was there in the first place.

The OP doesn't actually say she told the sibling what happened just that they let her in, so not fairly obvious at all.

Oh come on. What is more likely. The OP or her DH ring the bell at 10.30pm, the teenage brother/sister opens the door and the OP/DH usher the child in without a word. Or the sibling opens the door and the OP/DH actually opens their mouth and speaks, and tells the sibling just why they are on the doorstep so late with an 8 year old in her jammies.

Well given how little about the whole situation makes any logical sense who knows. Unless the OP confirms any of the relevant points it's just a guessing game and no one will actually ever know what did, didn't or might have happened.

I think it makes no difference either way. The older teen sibling could well be the reason the child ran away for all we know, and OP just handed the kid back to them without a word to the parents.

The teenage sibling took the girl into her own house, not the OP's house. It's clear that the 8 year old walked to the OP's house on her own.

Yes I know...

I was responding to the people who seem to think the OP took the child back home and just dropped her on the doorstep without a word.

Serious question. What do you want the school to do about it?

It sounds as if the 8 year old was expecting a sleepover. This probably came from school, so the school needs to intervene and talk about sleepovers only being arranged by parents.

Get to the root of the 'sleepover game @rebectable mentioned. Find out whether this is something being discussed on the playground, who is involved, if these children have phones and are messaging each other, whether it is a prank to see whether anyone falls for it.
The school can then talk to the children about safety.

As someone else said it could also raise any issues of bullying (was this girl targeted) or any home issues (was teenage sibling home alone and meant to be babysitting, are parents ok health wise if in bed, is there any other concerns with family).

Makes more sense to report it yourself instead of making it someone else's problem.

This is very strange. If an 8 year old turned up at my door and I had the parent's numbers I would call them immediately?

What does your daughter say? had they pre-arranged it. If so your daughter needs consequences.

Your reaction was, frankly, batshit. I would have been hammering on their door until i spoke to a parent, face to face. I can't understand why you didn't do that. What would you like to happen if it had been your daughter doing the wandering?

Not sure about "reporting" it to safeguarding. Maybe ask for advice on the basis of "no names, no pack drill"?