AIBU to consider moving our family to Thailand for a while?

[Tumblingbeach]

My DH and I have been seriously considering a move to Thailand, particularly Koh Samui. We absolutely love Thailand, we know it well and actually lived there before having children. We’ve just had a baby, and we have an 8yo.

There are several reasons why we’re considering it:

• We both have a huge amount of flexibility with work and aren’t tied down geographically.
• Financially, we’re fortunate enough that we wouldn’t need to work while living there if we chose not to.
• We genuinely love Thailand and could absolutely see ourselves living there as a family. We’d love our children to experience a different way of life and culture.
• The weather is obviously a big draw, especially coming from the UK!
• Our parents are still independent and at an age where they don’t need us nearby or daily, and that won’t be forever.
• Our DC are also at good ages for a move. Younger kids are so resilient and adaptable, and I think I’d worry more about making such a move when our eldest is older.

Our concerns:

• Our 8yo currently attends an amazing school, and she would need to reapply if we returned to the UK. There’s no guarantee she’d get back in - this is probably our main worry.
• We have an amazing group of family and friends here, which would obviously be hard to leave behind.

We wouldn’t be planning to move forever, but it’s a huge life decision. We haven’t really spoken to friends or family about it yet because I think most people would think we were completely mad!

Has anyone done something similar? Any advice or experience would be really appreciated. Not really sure what my AIBU is… maybe if you think we’re mad you can put in being unreasonable!

@SwedishK she just turned 8 so by the time we left she would be P5 (first term) and yes we could do 18 months and reapply for p7, that’s actually a very good idea! Annoyingly we can’t go until next summer to scope out schools etc, for various reasons.

@Gloriia I think it’s possible to appreciate the beauty of a place without pretending poverty and inequality don’t exist. I’m not looking for a fake paradise image for my DC, quite the opposite really. I want them to experience different cultures, meet different people, and understand that every country has amazing parts and difficult realities!

@OneFishWonder that sounds amazing! Did he settle well?

@SleepQuest33 absolutely re education. And we will keep our house here xx

If you say P5... is she currently following the Scottish system?

Would switchung from Scottish to English (which the International school is more lijely to follow) then back, be problematic in terms of year groups, curriculum etc?

Having done the living abroad, moving around etc bit, we were always adament not after 10years old.

I think I’d go - but would look to go sooner - not sure what the benefit is to wait and test it out - given you already know the country well. But I would want to to time it so your eldest started secondary in the UK if that’s where you’d want to live later. May be hard to start part way through - but saying that I think it is child dependent - some kids would fit back in and make friends effortlessly others would struggle.

Scottish system yes! So this is something I need to look into, I’m not sure - more research is needed!

If you’re doing this for tax purposes, which it sounds like you probably are being in Scotland. Make sure your husband seeks professional tax advice before you go to ensure that his affairs are in order. Also remember that when you come back you will start from zero with things like health, home and car insurance which can be expensive.

Also credit ratings for getting finance, mortgage etc are affected if you sell up completely in the UK. So making sure your exit planning is in order is v important. Also ensure that you have the most expensive resident health care insurance that you can afford for Thailand. And also bear in mind that if you or your children are seriously ill, you will need to come back to Europe or the US for treatment.

Before people jump on me, I work in this space and currently have a colleague in a nightmare situation with regard to healthcare. Good luck.

Thank you for your post.

We are honestly not going for tax purposes - this has been a long time dream of ours but we always put it to the side thinking it’s just a dream…until now!

We wouldn’t sell up here, we would likely rent our property out, we actually really our house so don’t want to sell.

Yes health insurance is vital and we would take the best we could get.

Exactly this. Just go for 6 weeks in the school summer holiday. I wouldn’t uproot an 8 year old who is at a school which is a good fit.

On one hand you seem convinced it’ll be your forever home but, on the other hand, you’re concerned about education options if you return to the UK. I’d listen to the ‘other hand’ and stay put. Nice long holidays are the answer imo.

Are they in Koh Samui? Did they move from the UK?

@Overthehillmum63 I’m just conflicted and it is definitely because her current school is so good, if it weren’t we would just go for it but if it didn’t work out I would kick myself for taking her out! In saying that, she definitely thrives more in practical lessons and isn’t overly academic hence why I wonder how a different learning environment would be for her. My DH can I just say doesn’t have these worries, he says the only opportunities you regret are the ones you didn’t take but then again he is much more relaxed than me!!

I live in Thailand (Bangkok) and work in an international school. The international schools on the islands don't have very good reputations at all, with the exception of a couple in Phuket. Koh Samui is also very expensive. Flights in particular on and off the island are very pricey, and getting the ferry is a bit of a trek (and can feel quite dicey in rainy season!). I'd also be worried about your child getting settled and then being uprooted again in a few years. So I'd be very cautious.

If you do go i would make sure you are back with plenty of time for your daughter to settle into the end of primary for an easy transition up to secondary. Moving back from thailand to the uk may be hard on her. 8 was the age i took my daughter back to the uk for stability.

Think further ahead.

you go for 3-4 years, thoroughly enjoy the weather and lifestyle. You decide to come back to this weather. Everyone is miserable and longing for that life again. You find you don’t really fit in here, kids have to start over with friends and schooling and way of life. But then it’s hard to move somewhere else, and you’re in limbo.

I would just stay here and go for 2 months or all the school holidays. Seems like your dd has a great set up.
It’s also like international schools everywhere. People are there until they leave to go back home or move on. Connections are fleeting. Really think about it.

Oh that’s interesting thank you! From everything I’ve read I got the impression the schools were good on koh samui? Would love some more information , please feel free to DM. Thanks

I know two families who lived overseas and put their children in international schools. Both families said the cultural experience was great but the standard of teaching was poor. All the children from both families struggled when they came back to the UK as their education was so far behind.

Op you’ll have to apply for her private secondary schools in the UK before you leave for Thailand!

Of course, drop me a DM with any specific questions and I'll answer if I can! I only know the Samui schools by reputation though, so won't have too much detail on them. However, they are very small (which impacts things like sport competitions) and teacher salaries are low. I'm sure there are decent teachers working in them too, but most serious teachers (i.e. in it for the long run) end up in Bangkok, primarily for the salaries and greater opportunities for their own children. Also the kind of western families that end up in the island schools are more transient (I suppose like your own situation) which can impact on friendships etc), whereas in Bangkok schools the student body is more settled. However the exception to the island schools is Phuket, where BISP leads the pack. There is also a very well regarded (although still small) international school in Hua Hin (not an island, but on the coast). Both BISP and Hua Hin will have higher fees than what you've maybe seen for the Samui schools, I would imagine.

My friends were in Pattaya and sent DC to international school. When they moved back to the UK for start of high school (6months in the school year) their DC were so much further behind than their peers. They will be doing GCSE next year and will struggle.

I'm not sure if that was the poor school or the more laid back attitude to homework etc.

I suppose it depends on what you want your DD education to look like in the future.

My family and I have just left Samui after 5.5 years there - our kids are now 11 and 9, so quite young when we arrived. We left for a variety of reasons- the weather is not as appealing as you might think when it’s 45/46 degrees in hot season with 90% humidity… rainy season brings some relief (27/28 degrees but with monsoons). The comments the pp who lived in BKK made are true re the expat demographic of Samui so you may not find your ‘tribe” there and that can make it feel really lonely - especially if you have a solid network of family and friends back home. Our children went to a British International school there, the fees for which increased approximately 10% year on year without any discernible impact on teaching. The vast majority of children at the school are non native English speakers, which is an issue purely because this is a British curriculum taught in English, the teachers spent a significant amount of time teaching English as a second language rather than pursuing the curriculum… The secondary schools on the island are a concern - afaik none of them currently offer in person classes for A levels but this may be less of a concern for you if you don’t plan to stay that long. But perhaps consider how easy it might be for your 8yo to adapt to secondary back in the UK if they do any of that curriculum in Samui…
The visas are hard bloody work - stressful and nerve wracking and we had Elite visas that we paid for so this was supposed to be the easy option. Immigration every 90 days to report your whereabouts…
Costs in Samui have also gone through the roof - some may disagree with this but if you’re looking to maintain a lifestyle similar to that you have now, it will be expensive. Renting a nice house with a pool (which you will likely want/need) will likely cost you 100,000-130,000THB per month now (£2,200-£3,000). Plus school fees and grocery shopping- eating out can be cheaper than cooking at home if you are willing to eat Thai food only (my kids missed ‘farang’ food too much for that) plus all the foreign food is imported so 100-300% import tax.

And the island is now incredibly busy - a surge in tourists and expats (I do appreciate of course that we ourselves contributed to that!) and with a single ring road around the island it is difficult and time consuming to get anywhere; traffic is mental (and the driving is something else 🫣).
Having said all that Thailand is a beautiful country with amazing people and while
we we have decided to move on there are of course many others who will stay there forever and love it… That’s my honest feedback… feel free to ask me anything!

Yes - do this. Best of both worlds

this is amazing information! Thank you very much!

it’s so difficult to know what best to do, especially for our eldest. Often reality is not as good as the dream and your post was great at highlighting issues that we would also be bothered by. It particularly worries me re the English lessons - my DD still needs some extra support in writing at the moment so this could be an issue. Can I ask if your 11 year old is adapting well back at home? Are they starting senior school?

@Greenknightsuccess it is possible to do this yes, we will head out next summer and see how things go.

We had extra tuition (having recognised the shortcomings in the education institutions in Samui) so that has been a huge help. The system we have gone into now means she will do one more year of primary (kids start secondary school at 12 here). That was a key driver for us to be honest.
I have zero regrets about our time in Samui - even if I do feel it has changed massively since we first arrived. Possibly we should have left 12-18 months ago… but we travelled extensively all over Thailand and SE Asia - opportunities that would have been logistically challenging had we not lived there. And that has been amazing. Kids have seen so much and met so many amazing people too! Maybe a three month trial period would be beneficial? Most of the people I met when we arrived there first have now gone home/moved on also for much the same reasons as us… feel free to drop me a message at any time - happy to be of help if I can!

Tuition is a good idea.

This is what we think - the adventures we could have, the people we could meet and the countries we could show our DC would be incredible and honestly is that not what life is about! Edited to add I’m sure your DC are incredibly well rounded, well travelled and confident children and that is honestly more important (to me anyway) than grades and academics.

A three month probation is planned for next summer - we will be looking at areas and schools. We aren’t 100% set on Samui but it would be our preference - I have also been looking into Headstart in Phuket.

We would be leaving in P5 which would mean we would have two years before applying to senior school! That’s the rules for our council anyway.