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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I am feeling a sort of hate towards a girl and her mother...

90 replies

pointydog · 21/06/2008 21:17

I really think I am getting to an unreasonable stage.

There's a girl in dd1's class who is a nasty person and has at times made dd1 (and others) very miserable. She dominates the class. I have felt a simmering anger towards her on a few occasions.

ANyway. It was her birthday. She invited loads of people but not dd1 because she is always excluded. That's fine.

AT her mega sleepover she put on Saw (18 horror) for the group of 11 and 12 yr olds. I feel like dobbing her in it. Tell me to stop, switch off and stop being childish.

OP posts:
thebecster · 23/06/2008 12:43

Yep, that's exactly the sort of thing I object to about it - it's self-righteous judgemental sadism.

I have the same objection to many Hollywood movies - they way they set up why someone deserves to die before they die, to undermine audience sympathy so that the audience will be able to enjoy the violence untroubled by having related to the character who is suffering.

So Jigsaw was just a loving father, driven to kill by those nasty drug addicts. Well, best torture them all to death then.

And that's what I'd want to talk to my kid about if I was one of those mums, not just that they may have been upset by the violence I'd want to challenge any mistaken simplistic thoughts they had after watching it.

MsDemeanor · 23/06/2008 12:48

Yes, tell the other parents. I'd be very glad to know. You must be so pleased your dd didn't go to this party. She sounds well out of it.

MsDemeanor · 23/06/2008 12:51

I might even mention it, off the record to the school. I find it really disturbing that an eleven year old girl has access to this sort of sick stuff, and wonder how it is affecting her. It is definitely negligent parenting at best. And I do have an older child.

pointydog · 23/06/2008 17:10

I can't believe snowleopard is saying SAaw is in the same category as Tom and Jerry. Hang your head.

OP posts:
pointydog · 23/06/2008 17:11

A straight cut and paste as proof "Saw is the same as Tom and Jerry." said snow

OP posts:
pointydog · 23/06/2008 17:17

I am surpirsed by those of you now suggesting I tell. I had calmed myself and decided not to.

Thing is, I couldn't just casually say to a mum at the school gate. I don't go to the school gates so I would have to phone one of them up. And that would come across far more like someone who was itching to tell.

I'm going to hold tight. I'm going to say 'it's not my problem'.

(Apparently, the children at school want to get saw 4 now )

OP posts:
Kimi · 23/06/2008 17:26

Can I just say that have seen all the saw films (and enjoying them) there is no way I would let my 12 year old or any 12 year old watch them, not only are they very violent but also a bit twisted.

I would want to know if some idiot let my 12 year old watch them.....

Had words with MIL after she let DCs then age 10 and 6 watch 6th scence and sean of the dead... took a year to get DS2 back in to his own room.

KathG · 23/06/2008 17:31

Horrified but laughing because my nearly 6 year old had nightmares last night because I read her narnia...

mummydoc · 23/06/2008 17:34

you are not unreasonable i was pretty cross when my my dd aged 8 was shown "hairspray" at a sleep over ....( i dread to think what i would have done if someone showed her any of the saw movies or similar )

pointydog · 23/06/2008 17:38

I just bought my dds hairspray - youngest is 9. Isn't it pg?

OP posts:
mummydoc · 23/06/2008 18:01

it probably is pg but my dd came home from the sleepover parrotting the line about "kiss my arse" which i personnally didn't find funny from her and definightly not form my 3 year old who promptly copied her. they also let them watch oneof the harry potter movies and dd was scared so the parents moved her bed out on to the landing ! in the dark !

snowleopard · 23/06/2008 19:02

harrumph.

Miggsie · 23/06/2008 21:38

I'd pitch a fit if my DD was shown something like this, she has almost total recall of images and speech off TV so I have to be so careful as once she has seen something she can't forget it easily, I am the same, I see it all perfectly and DD can recite the lines and describe the settings,
Letting 12 year olds watch something sadistic and deeply violent that glorifies death and pain with no ethical/moral context is dire...my friend has a 13 yo and he says she is "one of the few" girls NOT self harming at her private girls school. He is really upset about it.

MsDemeanor · 23/06/2008 23:13

I would really, really, really want to know and would be extremely upset if a classmate's mum knew that my 11 year old had been shown this film and didn't tell me, so I didn't have enough information to stop her going there again. I would just say, 'What do you think of all the girls watching that film SAW at X's sleepover. Has your dd had nightmares? I know mine would."

thebecster · 24/06/2008 15:49

Agree with MsDemeanor. If as you say they're all wanting to watch the next Saw film too, and they watch it, and then the other mums find out, then find out you knew all along but said nothing, they're going to be almost as angry with you as they are at this girl's Mum. I would be, if someone knew that my child was being shown something truly sick and that there was a good chance they'd watch more of it, and although they knew for sure their own child was safe from it, they didn't do anything to let me know so that I could protect my own child. Of course maybe the mums in question won't know anything about 'saw' and so will think, like snowleopard, that their kid won't have been damaged so you might get a reply of 'So what?'. But if the mums do know anything about the series of films they'll be booking appointments with child psychotherapists before you can say 'We need to talk about Kevin'. And I think as a mum I'd be more angry with you, because you know it's wrong whereas it sounds like this other mum is just an irresponsible fw with no clue.

Miggsie, the worst thing about 'Saw' imo, isn't that there is no ethical/moral context, it's that it's full of moralising, and a child might not have enough depth to their reasoning to realise how flawed the morality is. But the moralising comes in the form of torturing people who 'deserve it'. Here's one quote below from a "Christian" review of the movie (I am not linking to it because I don't want to increase the hits on their website - the quote is necessarily out of context for which I apologise - and incidentally I am a practising Christian and find it VERY hard to relate to this review... The reviewer is clearly more of a "Guns for Jesus" kinda Christian)

" must add here, my own opinion and somewhat a justification on the amount of violence used. I may be de-sensitized to violence, but I find that though the violence in ?Saw III? is very over-the-top, I can think of no other movie that delivers just a poignant, universal, human, personal, and applicable moral as effectively"

That's why it's so scarey for kids to watch it, not just because of the extreme graphic violence & sadism, but because it's 'justified' and minimised, and some people watch it and think 'It's okay because only the bad people die'. "which ones are they?' "the drug addicts, prostitutes and criminals" "oh, you mean the poorest and most vulnerable people in our society? That's okay then..."

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