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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am feeling a sort of hate towards a girl and her mother...

90 replies

pointydog · 21/06/2008 21:17

I really think I am getting to an unreasonable stage.

There's a girl in dd1's class who is a nasty person and has at times made dd1 (and others) very miserable. She dominates the class. I have felt a simmering anger towards her on a few occasions.

ANyway. It was her birthday. She invited loads of people but not dd1 because she is always excluded. That's fine.

AT her mega sleepover she put on Saw (18 horror) for the group of 11 and 12 yr olds. I feel like dobbing her in it. Tell me to stop, switch off and stop being childish.

OP posts:
Original poster
pointydog · 21/06/2008 21:26

yes, I think some of them will not be able to sleep at night and it'll come out then

OP posts:
CissyCharlton · 21/06/2008 21:27

I feel your pain pointydog. I have a similar thread on here tonight.

misdee · 21/06/2008 21:28

Saw films are seriously messed up. dh likes them (he likes all horror type films), and even he says no way for kids to see it.

actually we're tryng remember which one saw is. there has been 4, and they are all confused in my brain.

lazarou · 21/06/2008 21:28

Then you'll have the other parents phoning you and telling you and you can say 'Really? That's terrible isn't it? Do you think you should say something?'

thebecster · 21/06/2008 21:29

TBH I don't think that's necessarily dobbing her in - like I said, if I had an 11 year old who had watched 'Saw' I'd want to be told so that I could talk to them about it.

Amphibimum · 21/06/2008 21:31

pointy - you have to get a grip man, get some distance, some perspective. somehow. the alltiedinknots feelings are a waste of your time and energy and will no doubt lead to Bad Things.
i would totally manage to casually mention the film to the other mums tho, all innocent like. why not? what have you got to lose?

devonblue · 21/06/2008 21:32

If your dd didn't go to the party I'd stay out of otherwise it'll look like sour grapes, unsuitable film or not.

Original poster
pointydog · 21/06/2008 21:34

I think it was saw 3.

devon makes a very good point. That is also why I think I should stay schtum

OP posts:
turquoise · 21/06/2008 21:35

why do you hate the mother?

I totally understand the dislike of the girl btw, my dd's life has been made misery by one of these Queen Bee types for a year now. Her mother is a dimwit who encourages the child to be sexually precocious and 'popular'

Original poster
pointydog · 21/06/2008 21:35

agree amph, in my normal world. Those feelings are Bad

OP posts:
turquoise · 21/06/2008 21:36

I'd want to know though, if my child had been shown such a film.

Amphibimum · 21/06/2008 21:36

yeah, but if you can slip it in without it looking all salacious and enjoyable , then maybe you ought. i dunno, id shit my pants if i watched something like that now, let alone at 12 [wimp]

devonblue · 21/06/2008 21:36

I know where you are coming from. DD's friend used to watch horror films and then tell her the plots - aged 5!
I asked her not to, and she said 'I've watched Jeepers Creepers and I want to watch Jeepers Creepers 2.'

Funnily enough, they are quite good friends now and she's changed quite a lot - you never know...

Original poster
pointydog · 21/06/2008 21:37

turq, I don't proclaim to be at all rational about all this. I shouldn't feel so strongly. Her mother encourages her, that's all

OP posts:
Amphibimum · 21/06/2008 21:37

i know pointy, thats why i said it; you asked to have the obvious stated and i know that feeling

devonblue · 21/06/2008 21:39

... that post not very clear - there were quite a few other issues when they were younger too, that's what I meant by she's changed...

turquoise · 21/06/2008 21:40

Don't worry, I'm there on irrational hatred of those who hurt my dc! Feeling your pain .

Just wondered if there was anything specific.

frecklyspeckly · 21/06/2008 22:03

Hi pointy and all, I would rejoice in the fact my (lovely) daughter is not on the same wavelength as this oddball, she sounds like she is mature enough to not want to have much to do with this kid.
Classic pre-teen attention seeking on behalf of this poor kiddy I fear (quite an armchair psychologist me!)

If it is nothing to be ashamed of then why should it be hushed up... GO ON!! Tell!!!

YANBU

sleepycat · 21/06/2008 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frecklyspeckly · 21/06/2008 22:11

Oh btw in RL, I am fairly quiet but I would hit the roof if it was my child who was subjected to this film at a sleepover and I am sure most of the mums I know would too!!

Unless this 'party' was a hand picked selection of other little headcases like the 'hostess' ?

When I was about 12 I had a sleepover..we read 'tammy' and shone a torch on the wall and made animals out of our hand shadows...I mourn for those innocent days!!!!

BetteNoire · 21/06/2008 22:16

Pointy, I'm sure the temptation to make an issue is great, considering how awful this girl has been to your lovely DD.

But you're better than that, and better than these people, and although your feelings are understandable, take the moral high ground, and ignore, ignore, ignore.

But you are allowed to snicker down your sleeve when you hear tales of how the party guests are having nightmares, and their parents are furious at mean girl and her Mum.

Divastrop · 21/06/2008 22:21

agree with all those who have said you should tell the other parents that they watched that film.i am a hardened horror-film viewer and even i found the saw films-and i would say no.3 was the most fucked up of all-deeply disturbing.

its not like a 12 year old watching a tacky 80's 'classic' which were more funny than scary.

i also feel your pain,as the mother of a 9 year old who is excluded from the cliques(due to having a mind of her own)i also feel seething anger towards such girls and their parents(although i keep it all inside).

ladymariner · 21/06/2008 22:32

My ds went to a sleepover and they watched "Alien v Predator", this only came out when he had nightmares!!! I was bloody livid, and ready to phone the host's mum there and then, at ridiculous o'clock in the morning, seeing as it was their fault we were awake
The mum is actually a really good friend of mine, though, so I was able to tell her calmly in the morning that I wasn't happy about ds watching stuff like that and could she please make sure that when ds was staying there in future that they watched something else. She was fine about it so I was quite pleased I hadn't phoned up in a temper. However, if she hadn't been a friend all hell would have broken loose, and if it had been a saw film then friend or not, it would definately have!

lazarou · 22/06/2008 10:13

The ring 2 was on last night. I watched it with my hand over my face, expecially when she unzipped that body bag.

thebecster · 23/06/2008 10:38

Totally agree with Divastrop - it's not just that they watched a horror film, it's that they watched one of the 'Saw' films. Before I stopped working in TV I was at a dinner for lots of different people who bought films for TV channels and one of the things they were talking about was 'would it ever be morally acceptable to buy a 'Saw' film to show on your channel even if you knew it would get great ratings and you could show it in the middle of the night'. Everyone agreed that they could never show it on their TV channel, even if they had regular 'horror slot'. Some of them (not in UK) said they'd lose their license to broadcast if they showed it, although they could show 'Jeepers Creepers', 'The Ring' etc. Children should definitely not be watching it, and if my child saw it I would want to know so that I could talk to him about it. I don't agree with BetteNoire about the snickering at the kids having nightmares (although I guess you meant it tongue in cheek?). Although the girls who went to the party might be annoying cliquey types they're still children and don't deserve to be traumatised. They need their Mums to talk to them. And if I was one of the Mums I would be sooooo very .