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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I am feeling a sort of hate towards a girl and her mother...

90 replies

pointydog · 21/06/2008 21:17

I really think I am getting to an unreasonable stage.

There's a girl in dd1's class who is a nasty person and has at times made dd1 (and others) very miserable. She dominates the class. I have felt a simmering anger towards her on a few occasions.

ANyway. It was her birthday. She invited loads of people but not dd1 because she is always excluded. That's fine.

AT her mega sleepover she put on Saw (18 horror) for the group of 11 and 12 yr olds. I feel like dobbing her in it. Tell me to stop, switch off and stop being childish.

OP posts:

VictorianSqualor · 23/06/2008 10:47

I haven't seen saw 3, saw 1&2 were enough for me and I am not scared of films.
When I was 12 I was reading Stephen king and james herbet books, also watched the freddy films at a friends when we were about 14, but SAW?
SAW isn't just horror, it's sick.
No way.
Dob 'em in.

snowleopard · 23/06/2008 10:47

When I was 12/13 we would all meet up a friend's house when her parents were out (lying to our parents about that) and drink cider and watch horror movies. I remember watching the amityville films then. Saw is probably a whole lot worse, but as a general principle it's a rite of passage and probably won't harm them that much. I am much more scared of horror films now than I was then - I didn't really take it in and it was really just all about the fun of doing what we weren't supposed to. And btw in the main I was a total goody two shoes and academic overachiever. I don't think it did me any harm.

I can see why you're annoyed and the girl sounds unpleasant, but I also agree it,s not for you to do anything about, if your DD wasn't there. Don't worry about it. Have a coffee.

Enid · 23/06/2008 10:50

Dob her in. It will make you feel better. I would.

Enid · 23/06/2008 10:50

and Saw is incredibly sick and violent

thebecster · 23/06/2008 10:54

Saw is not just worse than Amityville it's a different genre. Amityville was a (relatively mild) horror film. Saw is a torture film. There's a difference between watching people being tortured and the odd bit of schlock and gore.

VictorianSqualor · 23/06/2008 10:58

I don't think anyone who hasn't seen any of the SAW films will quite understand, it's not the same league as the horror films we watched as children, it's not like freddy or childs play or IT!

It's really fucked up.

VictorianSqualor · 23/06/2008 11:01

"A collar holding five loaded shotgun shell mounts, wirelessly connected to Jigsaw's heart monitor, is locked around Lynn?s throat by Amanda."
"he picks up a circular saw and slashes John's throat, causing Lynn's collar to detonate and kill her as the door to the room closes and locks."

Just two quotes from wiki about the plot of said film.

fymandbean · 23/06/2008 11:03

I have to say I'd be be saying at the school gate

"Can you believe what X had at her party - I'm so glad my DC wasn't invited... etc"

Enid · 23/06/2008 11:04

I would pick the school gossip and tell her

then sit back and watch things slowly unfold

purits · 23/06/2008 11:05

"Even the girl who felt physically sick and phoned to go home didn't tell her mum why."

How about a friendly phone call to ask if the child is feeling better? Followed by a very surprised "Oh! Didn't you know that ..." Let her do the rest.

meglet · 23/06/2008 11:06

11 & 12 is way too young for Saw. I watched a lot of horror when I was a teen, but I have heard Saw is gross and seriously warped and certainly wouldn't watch it now.

oh for the good old days of Freddy and Jason. [old crusty emoticon].

Enid · 23/06/2008 11:09

my mate and I watched Last House on the Left when we were about 14

now that IS horrific

tbh although we all luahged about it I could have done without it

snowleopard · 23/06/2008 11:18

btw I accept I haven't seen Saw and I understand it is much, much worse than Amityville etc and I certainly wouldn't want my child seeing it under 18, though I would probably be being naive.

My point was just that this is something kids do and yes they may have nightmares, but I doubt seeing a gory horror movie means the same to them as it does to us. On one level, children's entertainment eg Tom and Jerry is full of terrible violence that washes over children. I think there is a tendency in children to be drawn to violent gory horror without understanding it or the significance of it, and I think watching a forbidden film round at your mates is more about having fun being naughty than actually taking in the film. I was hoping to reassure PD and tell her to calm down as she originally requested (though that is also what I really think).

Now I will be vilified for saying Saw is the same as Tom and Jerry. I didn't say that!

Kindersurprise · 23/06/2008 11:21

I have never watched Saw and never will as I am a complete wimp when it comes to horror films.

Judging by the comments of others who have seen the film, I would say that you should speak to the other mothers. If they are not aware of what their dds were watching then they deserve to know. Only then can they discuss the film and help the children to cope with their feelings. If it were my DD then I would want to know.

Is there a mum that you are a bit more friendly with that you could approach. More of a "look, I am being honest, I don't get on well with and I have thought about not saying anything in case it seems like sour grapes, but I have heard what went on at the party and don't know if you are aware of it."

meridian · 23/06/2008 11:32

I havne't seen the saw movies, to be honest I'm not bothered about them... I love horror but alot of the newer horror movies have taken the fun out of horror movies...its just not pleasant viewing.. not to say that Nightmare on Elm Street and all the other crap I used to watch at that age was oscar worthy... My parents let me watch anything I wanted and most of the stuff I watched with them... I still bond with my dad over a good violent film.....

when I had sleep overs I used to always make my friends watch The lost boys.... again and again.... its what kids do you either know about it and talk about it or they go and watch it at somone elses house. Watching horror movies dosent make you be a evil little snot.. its a seperate issue...

VictorianSqualor- I was reading through stephen king when I was 11/12 too... god I must have been a morbid little thing...

snowleopard · 23/06/2008 11:35

rofl @ horror movies no longer being "pleasant viewing" like in the good old days meridian!

VictorianSqualor · 23/06/2008 11:41

It's true though isn't it!

I think part of what makes SAW and the lke so gruesome is that it is human, it is meant to eb like real life murder, the things we used to watch, like freddy and jason and IT and the like, they nearly always involved some kind of paranormal or monster activity, so we could tell ourselves it wasn't real, things like SAW/Hostel etc could be, there could really be someone out there that wants to do these things, which makes it all the more scary.

Enid · 23/06/2008 11:44

try the Last house on the Left.

1972 I believe

I would take Saw any day

snowleopard · 23/06/2008 11:45

But what about Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which was already old hat when I was 13? Isn't that just about plain old chopping people up?

Enid · 23/06/2008 11:46

yy the original is really NASTY

meridian · 23/06/2008 11:50

I'll take a proper moster movie any day! there is enough horror on the news daily to not really want to watch Saw75 and Hostel27 ...

I want zombies! vampires and werwolves, freddy and jason.... you know the fun stuff

thebecster · 23/06/2008 11:54

I think the reason SAW is particularly bad is not just the graphic violence - you get that in many films. I have two big problems with it. Firstly the fact that it is established that those who die 'deserve it' somehow - they are prostitutes, drug addicts, or 'bad people'. There's a vigilante element which makes the violence morally satisfying to anyone with a simplistic world view, and Jigsaw uses moralizing or religious language to justify what he does. Movie audiences have laughed or shouted 'YES!' when the druggie finally gets what's coming to him. That is deeply scarey.

The other big problem is that it involves lengthy depictions of suffering & torture, and people forced to mutilate themselves. Anyone who thinks 'yes, but those things aren't realistic, so it's okay' should read about what's happening in DRC at the moment - sadly torture and forced self-mutilation are pretty regular occurrences in this messed up world. Blood, schlock and gore in a film is one thing, a drawn out depiction of a human being in great pain shown as an entertaining bit of film is another.

Sorry to bang on, but I'm so horrified at the idea of children watching those particular movies. It's not just that they're violent but that they're twisted.

(For those about to say 'Well, why did you watch them then?' I had to watch part of one of them for work - but didn't watch the end, had to delegate to a colleague because I couldn't continue watching.)

cosima · 23/06/2008 11:57

if this child's mother is letting her and her friends watch horror films, its not really any wonder that the child is not happy, I would 'register your concern' with those other mums and be thankful that your dd is not in her friendship group

robinpud · 23/06/2008 12:01

I can understand your feelings towards the party girl and the mother, but in your shoes I would simply let it go. As the children grow up, there will be more issues such as this which highlight different parents' approaches. There was a thread recently about alcohol at sleepovers iirc.
If I were your dd I would be relieved to have missed what must have been a fairly tedious event if they were reduced to watching a graphic film for kicks.
Concentrate on making your dd feel loved and appreciated and make sure that she has different friendship groups besides those at school.

Divastrop · 23/06/2008 12:34

thebecster-it gets worse in saw 4 when you discover the reason this man has turned into a psychopath is that his heavily-pregnant ex wife lost their baby due to being attacked by a drug addict at the clinic where she worked.

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