So for reasons I won't go into my ex husband is staying with us at the moment to help with my 2 teens.
I cook from scratch for us all every night and do all the cleaning up. No problem, it's my choice. He is paying half of the grocery bill.
Yesterday I took my youngest and her friend to London for some shopping and a fun activity as well as a meal. We would be gone all day returning about 9pm.
Normally, my eldest would sort themselves out re: food.
At 7pm my ex phoned to ask if he 'needed to feed' our eldest. I said it was up to him as she could feed herself perfectly well. But obviously as I wasn't there I wasn't cooking. He then went on to enquire exactly what we were doing about food, queuing if he should get a takeaway or if I had any suggestions. He didn't want to take anything from the fridge in case I needed it for a meal, (despite knowing I would be going shopping the next day) and then checking if I would be bringing food home for them. He didn't want to get a takeaway if I was planning to cook which he surely knows I'm going to start at 9pm+ after a long day.
AIBU that he should have just been able to get on with it without my input and I should be allowed 1 day off the mental load of organising everything. I was exhausted at this point by a long day out which obviously I had planned and executed without his help. He called me a stress head for wanting him to organise himself for once! I'm autistic too and have a lot of anxiety so the day out took a lot of my energy.
YANBU - no need for him to contact me, should make decisions independently
YABU - it is fair enough to try and plan around each other and warranted a phone call to micromanage every detail of what we were doing and discuss what they could do.