AIBU - commuter rage

[mamajong]

I work in London 4 times a week and so commute. My commute is quite tight time wise so I am.often rushing to work work or the train. AIBU to feel absolute internal rage towards other people's obliviousness to those around them?

People on mobile phones who walk slowly in the middle of the path so everyone is forced to walk slowly behind them. Not having tickets ready and not moving aside when theres a massive queue, making everyone wait while they fumble around, stopping at the bottom of the escalators to look at their phone making it difficult for people to get off, playing things on their phone out loud with no headphones, man spread on the train, not moving down the carriage on the tube so others can get on...every day I am surrounded by pure selfishness and it really gets me down how manners and consideration of others seems to have gone out of the window. Am I just old and miserable or do others feel this way too?

The rest of the world is not obliged to get out of your way. It’s frustrating, but you’ll feel a lot happier if you lower your expectations and accept that others are entitled to live at their own pace. You just drive yourself mad otherwise getting irate and stressed.

Hell is other people

Add to that, oblivious non-commuters going to the airport with ginormous suitcases, blocking gangways and exits in rush hour, and people with backpacks that take up the space of another person because they don't take them off - or worse, turn around with them on in tighly packed areas.

They're not obliged, no, but common courtesy and consideration for others would be nice.

I go down to London for work fairly regularly and it pisses me off. I think it would affect my mental health if I had to do it four times a week.

The only thing that might help is if you left earlier (I’m sure you probably can’t otherwise you would) but then other people’s slowness wouldn't impact you so much. I have to remind myself that my need to rush isn’t other people’s responsibility.

Does your company do flexi hours? Could you start later? Or even request to adjust your hours to say a 9.30 start?

Most of what OP describes is just common courtesy, and while yes obviously people aren’t obliged to be considerate, others are entitled to think they are selfish twits.

And OP’s complaints about people stopping at the bottom of escalators or not moving down a train to let people on - I’d argue that people are obliged not to do those things. You can’t not let people onto a train by not moving down, and wave it off with “why don’t they just relax and go at a slower pace”.

Oh yes, other commuters are infuriating.

@WellWhtNow25 has added the ignorant bag wearers missed in your OP. Pre-pandemic everyone hand-held their bag rather than shoving it in your face.

I hope there is a circle of hell reserved for the people who lean against the poles and crush (already holding on) hands.

You need to relax

I agree but it’s sadly lacking these days. My point is when you get angry about it, the only one feeling crap is you. They don’t care or notice. I call it the me bubble - people operating in their own world oblivious to what’s happening around them. It’s increasingly common but you can’t change it. Just look after your own mental health and try and let it wash over you. Noise cancelling headphones have been my saviour when out in public nowadays!

I agree. I am so very grateful that I no longer have a commute into central London, instead a drive across the main routes into London. My pet hate then was people who had gone up to London for a day's shopping and would go home with dozens of bags in the middle of the rush hour - then complain about how crowded the train was!

I went through a phase a few years back of needing to use a walking stick. The main response seemed to be "great, I can barge in front and get on before she can" rather than just letting me get on. Then once on the over crowded carriage you could see people studiously reading their books or newspapers so the didn't "notice" the clearly disabled person struggling to stand - I even saw someone doing this once with the book they were "reading" upside down".

I developed 2 techniques to counter this. The first involved moving my stick just enough to give them a crack across the shins when they would try to barge in front. The other was when I was struggling to stand in a lurching train I would "accidentally" catch myself by dropping all my weight on the stick that would "just happen" to have landed on someone's foot.

I notices that the vast majority of this behaviour was from middle aged men. Women and older/younger men nowhere near as much.

Though even now you get complete selfishness from other road users. Those who seem to think you get brownie points for going 10mph under the speed limit whatever the conditions. Those who risk life & limb to get out in front of you as you come up to a turning, then pootle along slowly well under the speed limit. Those who insist on being in the right hand lane on a dual carriageway at just a few mph under the limit, because they will be turning right in 3 miles. Mad fuckers cutting across 3 lanes on the motorway to get to their turning at the last moment so they don't have to slow down below 90mph any earlier.

Some days I hate other people!

When I worked in London I used to go in ridiculously early (at my desk by 7am) and leave correspondingly early, to avoid the worst of the rush hour, but that was pre-kids and the job didn't have set in stone hours. Occasionally I'd have an excessively long day because, despite having been in two hours early, I'd have to deal with something which came in at 3pm and couldn't wait or go to a last minute late meeting, but usually it worked well. I appreciate it's not always possible, but it's a good idea if you can do it.

I drive to work now and get annoyed with cyclists in summer - commute takes quite a lot longer if the hobbyists in lycra are out. It's annoying as I'm not in an office job any more and getting in early doesn't mean I can leave early, and if I have, or a child has, a commitment after work I also can't leave early unless it's really an exceptional circumstance.

People moving slowly or fumbling for a tickets, what’s it adding onto you day? 30 seconds? Just chill out a bit, it will all see a lot easier.

As a Northerner, who comes to London about once a month, the rushing about, pushing in, the “I’m the most important one here” attitude is horrible. People pushing and shoving to get on a Tube Train, when the next one is 2 minutes behind.. running up and down escalators to save 20 seconds .. baffling

You need to calm your rage, none of it really matter.

A lot of them are tourists. They don't have a clue about escalator etiquette and they're distracted by trying to get their phones to translate the TFL signage.

It's bliss cycling to work!

I like to remember with this one (the obliviousness anyway) that everyone is this person when they go on holiday to a new place for the first time, even if they think they’re not :) makes me feel less annoyed about it

I’m afraid the only solution to this is in your own hands: leave earlier to give yourself more time.

Oh Gods yes the cyclists who do their hobby riding in a pack of about 10 riders during the rush hour! And of course ride 3 abreast for "their own safety" whereas the road is plenty wide enough for overtaking them if they are in single file.

Suddenly swinging across in front of you with no indication of any kind as you finally do manage to overtake one, to take a right hand turn.

Those who very slowly struggle to cycle up a steep hill with queues of traffic behind them, ignoring anywhere they could pull; in for a minute to let the others past, like a deep driveway or gate.

Tbf a lot of us run up and down the escalators because it’s passive exercise, not for speed or out of rage.

But you’re right about the rest.

I’m disabled and use a wheelchair.

the amount of attitude I got off other commuters when I used to commute was insane.

j’m not deliberately being disabled to piss you off.

and usually several people ran into my wheelchair because they thought they’d spotted a gap in the crowd and didn’t realise it was because I wasn’t at head height.

fuckers.

I walk slowly due to a disability. People need to be more aware yes, that includes you OP. It's not all about you. I carnt just leap out of your way.

Honestly and with no disrespect intended to you, OP, I have a very dim view of anyone who lets commuting or traffic enrage them.

You need to manage your emotions in situations you can't control.

It's not healthy to have such strong emotion attached to the behaviour of others.

🤣 Of course the world isnt obliged to get out of my way. It's not really about that, some of the behaviours are to do with safety such as stopping at the bottom of the escalator and some such as man spread or listening to phones without headphones feels like basic consideration for others / being aware of the impact on others but you are entitled to your opinion. Do you commute?

Yes. After sitting down for most of the day i usually walk fast down the escalator to let off some energy & having reached my platform, might let the first tube go because the next one is likely to be quieter.

If tourists are taking up extra seats with their big cases & I don’t have a seat, I ask for one of theirs. The other day when someone got on & was looking for a seat, I pointed to the family of four who were taking up five seats & said ‘I’m sure these people will make space for you.’ She nodded & smiled & they didn’t have much choice but to shift up after that.

I think people should do that more often.

All opinions welcome - i can tell who commutes and who doesnt 😬

Of course I dont think its all about me - its busy and ive chosen to do this job so accept a fair amount comes with the territory.

I am super considerate of those with disabilities such as wheelchairs or sticks as I see the level of disregard other commuters have for those - the same applies to people with buggies and small children, the pushing in and swearing that I see daily is completely unacceptable.

To be clear my rage is internal, I dont go around pushing and shoving or shouting at anyone and I already leave as early as I am able to so leaving earlier is not an option sadly.

TFL and some of the train operators have started making announcements telling people to move down the carriage and to wear headphones for listening so it clearly isnt just about me 🤣

To the 'just chill out' crew - thanks for the helpful advice 😏 noise cancelling headphones are a good shout and something I probably need to invest in.

The rage comes from a desire to catch my train and get home in time to see my kids - that feels important to me but yes I accept people are allowed to not get there phone ready to tap through and spend time fumbling in their bag for it, but when youve queued for 5 mins it baffles me why you wouldnt use that time just standing in a queue to get it ready, but each to their own!

Agree with the cyclists - it doesnt affect me so much but I often see tensions between the lime bike riders and pedestrians/motorists so can see its a thing.

I just feel.if everyone was just slightly more aware of others around them the commute 'traffic' as a whole but flow more smoothly but clearly not everyone agrees which is ok.

I wouldnt expect you to! Having a disability is mot the same as walking slowly because you are looking at your phone imo

I do hate the people who play music without headphones though, shooting’s too good for them.