AIBU - commuter rage

[mamajong]

I work in London 4 times a week and so commute. My commute is quite tight time wise so I am.often rushing to work work or the train. AIBU to feel absolute internal rage towards other people's obliviousness to those around them?

People on mobile phones who walk slowly in the middle of the path so everyone is forced to walk slowly behind them. Not having tickets ready and not moving aside when theres a massive queue, making everyone wait while they fumble around, stopping at the bottom of the escalators to look at their phone making it difficult for people to get off, playing things on their phone out loud with no headphones, man spread on the train, not moving down the carriage on the tube so others can get on...every day I am surrounded by pure selfishness and it really gets me down how manners and consideration of others seems to have gone out of the window. Am I just old and miserable or do others feel this way too?

yanbu op, simple consideration. Lots of people don’t get that taught that by their parents who then grow up to be selfish and entitled adults.

Large over the headphones playing soft classical music is how I try and stay calm and detached from the chaos on the commute. 4 times a week though is rough.

YANBU
Nothing infuriates me more than people who’ve waited for a bus for 20 minutes and decided that when they’re getting on is the best time to fumble around in their bag looking for their card or phone, as if they’d forgotten they’d need it.
I assume those are the same people who queue in airports and then get to the front and can’t find their passport or boarding pass.

Slow walkers are a pain, especially the elderly with those trolleys and women with pushchairs, zero awareness of their surroundings.

Cyclists are just ridiculous, being in the middle of the road when there’s a cycle lane so everyone else crawls along at 10mph. Part of the reason I don’t drive is because I have such a short fuse I’d run them off the road ha!

I commute into the centre by tube a couple of days a week.

The main reason I haven’t gone for noise cancelling headphones is that I want to be able to hear announcements. If my tube is terminating at the next stop I want to be aware & planning, not the person left sitting oblivious as everyone else gets off. And there always is one.

Not recently but I have done my fair share in the past. It drove me crazy, you’re right people are oblivious, thoughtless and awful. I had to reframe my own perception and reactions to cope with it, because you can’t change how other people behave.

Don't travel into London at other times! It's noticeable how much more efficient commuters are travelling around compared to the average/tourists. I go for a day out and wonder what's happened to people as they drift around - and then the realisation kicks in that it's not rush hour.

Yes YABU. No point raging about the things you cannot change.

I don't at all disagree with we should all have more manners and consideration but we can't control how the world turns. Your anger isn't going to change the behaviour of others so you are going to have to find ways to manage it so you don't have high blood pressure, stress and everything else that comes along with it.

My FIL used to be so enraged at traffic he'd strip the gears in his gearbox, f'ing and blinding because of traffic lights, etc. My DH used to do this until I put a stop to it by reminding him how juvenile it was and only did him harm.

That was my point in my comment.

Someone on another thread posted a saying like, "Being angry is like drinking poison and expecting others to die from it," or something along those lines.

I just don't see what good it does unless you vent it in a healthy way.

Slow walkers are a pain, especially the elderly with those trolleys and women with pushchairs, zero awareness of their surroundings.

But there’s a big difference between slow walkers who don’t have much choice & ones who are ambling along staring at their phones.

I usually assume that if someone’s walking slowly & doesn’t have a phone in their hand, they probably can’t help it & I’ll be tolerant & patient.

If they have their head bent gawping at a game or film (yes that happens) then they don’t deserve my patience & if I can shove past them I will.

You're just a Londoner. It's how it is.

YABU and YANBU.

YABU to have a tight commute. We all have busy schedules but part of being an adult is planning your time carefully - and I say that as someone who at one point had 2 under 3, no husband around and four dogs to take care of as well as a busy job…so I completely understand how ‘tight’ things can feel, but it’s about giving yourself time so it’s not a rush.

YANBU to find other people insufferable on commutes. It’s not hard to have social awareness to realise you’re slow walking and phone gazing is impacting others and it’s not a surprise to get off the train or tube and realise you need your ticket ready.

I get the train into the office ridiculously early (usually up by 4:30 and in the office just after 7) to avoid other commuters. Keeps my blood pressure low 😃also stops there being a queue for coffee when I get to London, which helps!

There is a young man I see sometimes on my drive home from work who rides an e-bike with a phone in his hand! Not even on a mount, but in his hand, every single time I've seen him - no cycle helmet, headphones, riding with one hand on the handlebar and the other holding his phone (sometimes he has his forearm on the handlebar) looking at the phone more than in front of/ around him. I can only assume he's got a guardian angel or something...

YABU

This is the equivalent of someone driving complaining about all the other people causing congestion on the roads.

Sorry if your journey is tight but them's the breaks. What about all the poor confused people who rarely do the journey? Can they complain about your hustling through a crowd ("why do people have to be so aggressive and shove their way through")?

Perspective is a wonderful thing
As is accepting that sometimes the world moves slower than we want.

I used to commute and lived in a commuter belt. Everyone knew not to talk, we were all on the same page getting on and off the train. Some went down to the tube some went up to the city. That part of the journey has few issues in terms of being surrounded by people who don’t ’know the unspoken rules’.

Once in London then I am afraid you are in the Capital. And it has lots of visitors and any commuter knows how to navigate around on escalators to the tube. Yes, you will get loons with massive backpacks trying to get on a commuter filled tube and wondering why it is difficult. Nothing changes !

I kind of have sympathy for you, but I also feel that your tight commute isnt their problem. Why dont you just take an earlier train? You have to build in some extra time for it because something unexpected almost always happens

Sounds like you need to allow yourself more time.

It's May. London is full of clueless tourists. Just let them be and maybe secretly visualise them being bitten by one of the horses at Horse Guards Parade because apparently a big sign saying "Horses may kick or bite" is not clear enough.

Oh god I remember this. It’s one of the main reasons I changed careers to stop commuting into London. I didn’t like how angry I got in the morning! The rage from people not having their tickets ready at the barrier… that just isn’t who I am, I’m a calm person really. Not good for the blood pressure. But I get you, OP!

Now I’m probably one of the irritating ones on the few times a year I have to go into the office and I’ve forgotten how to move at London pace… sorry!

It's frustrating but given it was ever thus and almost certainly won't change, you would probably feel better if you tried to let go of the rage.

You make this journey daily, you know what you're doing. A lot of people don't. Plus most people now are addicted to their phones. When I commuted just after getting off the ark, everyone was in a headlong rush so basically you had no choice but to go with the flow. It's probably not good for you to get so stressed out on a daily basis. Just a thought.

The people who don't do it everyday are confused looking at maps and directions on their phones hesitating about which way to go, etc, and some people just can't move as fast as you would like. Give yourself more time?

Totally agree, big cities are not designed for slow people- particularly during peak hours. For me it’s the people who stop dead without warning so you almost bump into them. I worked in Oxford for a while and it was the worst place for it because the pavements are so narrow so you can’t get around slow coaches when you’re in a rush without going in the road and they sometimes would just stop dead in their tracks to check maps or gawp at a building.

As a slow walker - tough. It can't be helped and isn't being done to annoy you. If you mean the ambulatory doom scrollers you have every right to be enraged. They annoy us slow walkers too.

The venn diagram of people who say "nobody has any consideration of others any more" and people who are prepared to shove past others who get in their way is perilously close to being a circle...

Sounds like you need to get going earlier rather than fume with rage at other people’s lives because you’re always running late.

I'm a London commuter. People use the transport network for a variety of reasons - commuting, sightseeing, leisurely travel - and none of us are more important than anyone else.
If your usual setting off time risks making you late for work, then get up earlier.