Worried about my 18 year old son buying joke shirts from Afflecks Palace

[ForSparklyFatball]

Hi everyone, I’m after some advice because I’m really not sure if I’m overreacting or not. My son is 18 and has started going into Manchester at weekends with his university mates. They’ve been spending time in Afflecks Palace, which I know is full of alternative stalls, but he came back yesterday with a couple of t-shirts from the shop on the top floor that does the t-shirt printing.
One of them says “Don’t bully me, I’ll cum” and the other was along similar lines with crude sexual humour. He thought they were hilarious and just a bit of edgy fun, but I’m honestly concerned. At 18 he’s an adult, yet these kinds of slogans seem to normalise really objectifying and inappropriate attitudes, especially towards women and sex. I’ve tried speaking to him about it calmly, explaining why it bothers me, but he just laughed it off and said it’s only a joke.
Has anyone else come across these sorts of shirts in Afflecks or had their own son or daughter bring something similar home? Am I making too much of it, or is this worth having a firmer conversation about? Any thoughts on how to approach it without it escalating would be really helpful. Thanks.

This just makes you sound really old and boring tbh. He’s 18, at uni having fun with his mates. I said this on a previous thread but please just be happy he’s happy. So many of my students are anxious and depressed now, it’s actually lovely to hear he’s getting on well.

As someone who, if they were on those adult websites that apparently exist but I wouldn't know about any of that filth, is old enough to be classified as MILF, I think that frog shirt is hilarious.

You realise it's a meme, right? I've seen it used loads of times with footballers with F names (because man, I love Fede).

I wouldn’t keep bringing it up. He will look back in 10 years time and realise himself that he looked like a massive knob.

Glad to hear his girlfriend isn't controlling like his mum. Seriously, it's just a t-shirt. Get a grip

I like Afflecks for a browse with my youngest. Isn’t it where that famously outrageous alternative band Take That bought their stage clothes before they were famous?

You will pry the 90s out of my cold dead hands. I'm not offended. Nothing is 'offensive'. I watch all of the shows and I love them all. Don't rope us all into this PC, sensitive, labelist, no humour, victim culture. We're not all buying in.

Yes and a few new ones have opened.

The badge shop in the colosseum has gone down hill IMO

Couldn't replace my I lost teddy will you sleep me one

The bullying one is a gay male S&M thing, so probably no women directly objectified. MILF is generally an objectifying and misogynistic term, but if he's wearing it himself I'd think he has no idea what it means and either thought he thought the shirt was edgy or someone gave it to him as a joke and he misunderstood. The Fentanyl one just seems stupid and kind of callous. Overall, he seems a little old for this (the last 2 at least) but as long as it's his money just tell him to keep them out of your sight if they bother you.

The fact that you have asked his girlfriend to throw away his clothes is fucking insane and a hell of a lot more abusive than wearing a t-shirt with the word ‘cum’ on it. You think encouraging a relationship dynamic where one partner destroys the other’s belongings when they don’t like them is healthy?? Jesus.

I’m 48 and have a dead Kennedys t-shirt with “too drunk to fuck” on the front. Granted i don’t wear it to my 5 yr old’s parents’ evening but I do wear it 😎

Hes a student. This is what they do. He'll grow up eventually

he is 18, get over it!! Have you always been so uptight?

Your adult son has bought some tacky and rude/fun and offensive (depending on your perspective) T-shirts. That’s all. It’s pretty common at that age. When I was a teenager I was the proud owner of a French connection T-shirt that said “practice safe sex, go FCUK yourself” which my dad hated and as a result, I loved even more. I also had another that said “Barbie is a crack whore” and a pair of knickers with “groupie” on the arse. Would I wear any of it now? No, because I’m a mum of 3 who’s pushing 40. My younger teenage son would probably love the frogs T-shirt btw.

Your son will grow out of it at some point. In the meantime, unclench, stop trying to encourage his girlfriend to be a controlling monster like you and thank your lucky stars this is the worst thing your son has done to upset you.

I think you are taking them far to literally and out of context and forgetting that people his age are very interested in sex and sexual attractiveness. His message with these T-shirts isn't anything about anyone in particular. He's signaling that sex is on his mind, while also enjoying some double entendre (a very traditional aspect of British humour). They aren't appropriate for lots of situations, but they are totally in keeping with young adult culture and have been for decades.

When I was 18 (which is many. many years ago), I had a t-shirt I thought was hilarious which had a couple of birds on it and the slogan "Fantastic Pair of Tits", and also thought the cockerel with "Massive Cock" on it that a male friend bought was the absolute best. Neither of us actually thought we had these attributes. And we weren't trying to offend anyone, they were supposed to be a bit cheeky and make people smile - and that's mainly what they did.

What do you think he means by wearing these T-shirts?

That’s a classic though! I have a Bukowski shirt with “find what you love and let it kill you” on it.

You’re absolutely right. I remember scrawling FUCK THE BNP on a tshirt and walking proudly around Salford in it at 16. Let him be silly.

Ugh, I agree with you. This casualisation of sexism and violence is repugnant. In someone about to set out their stall and make their way in the world too. I really hope he grows out of it quickly. It's about the level of a bad Carry On film but without the veneer of gentle self-deprecation. I am mortified at some of the slogans and images I wore at that age. I grew out of them, and look back in horror at my ignorance and naivety.

He sounds like a bit of a twat but hopefully he’ll grow out of it. Kids are kids

Tell him he's very trendy and get one yourself. He'll soon stop wearing it.

I don't think it's degrading at all.

You sound awfully uptight and honestly I think if you make a huge deal of it he'll just buy more.

Nothing on earth could compel me to wear any of those T-shirts, nor be seen with someone wearing one.

But I have to confess, Man I Love Frogs did make me laugh 😂

Lots of teenagers are dickheads. They think they're the edgiest thing that ever existed and no one could ever be as cool as them. But then we thought that too 🤷‍♀️

In the grand scheme of things, a naff t-shirt is fairly meaningless.

If you want to put him off the T-shirts, go and buy one for yourself and start wearing it - that'll stop him 😂

Yes, but the slogans are about as funny as a fart in a space suit, he should ask for his money back.

I was a kid that bought a fuck censorship t shirt from Afflecks back in the day. My mum went mental at the swearing. I cringe at my younger self thinking that this was a cool t shirt.

However the message on your t shirt seems worse and a bit...seedy maybe? I wouldn't be happy with my kids wearing that although I would roll my eyes at a swear as long as it wasn't worn in the day

This brings to mind those 1990's Cradle of Filth band tees that said JESUS IS A C*NT.

Teenagers just want to shock.

Don't rise to it.

They realise in time that it wasn't big or clever and then go on to eye roll when their own kids do it.

It’s an S&M thing if you really want to get pedantic about it. What would normally be classed as Bullying-name calling , humiliation etc. turns them on. Nothing to do with non consensual sex.