To not have the school home visit?

[Discoballsfordays]

Youngest DC starts reception in September, he's already attending the school nursery. There is a stay and play session upcoming to meet the teacher and you are invited to book a slot for the (optional) home visit whilst there.

I'm choosing not to have one, primarily because my eldest with ASD and ADHD (who goes to a different school) gets disregulated when unknown people are in the house. The duration of the time spent would be dominated by me having to manage him.

DH thinks it might look "dodgy" refusing it, as though we have something to hide - we don't.

WIBU not to? Has anybody else opted out and did it raise any eyebrows?

I didn't have a home visit for DC1 because hey, I was working, and I wasn't about to waste precious leave on it. For DC2 I was between jobs so had the visit. It was pleasant but added nothing important.

You are not opting out, just not opting in.
Could DH stay in with dc and you take older child out. Presumably it will be in school hours so elder will be at school.

I don't like the idea of home visits. I feel houses and families are being judged (I am a teacher. Although my school doesn't do them).

We never had one. Really a non issue.

I think you should have the home visit if it's the right thing to do for the child it relates to, and not base decisions that affect their wellbeing on the needs of your other child. That's a good way to make them grow up resenting you and their sibling.

I don't think they were offered round here when my DC started school. We certainly didn't have one if they were. We'd both have been at work which I would think is probably the commonest reason people decline. Between the introductory sessions that are actually in school and staggered starts in September a lot of families find the amount of leave days they need to take at the start of school can be quite difficult to manage and an optional home visit probably isn't top of the agenda. I doubt you'll be the only ones not to sign up OP and I wouldn't worry about it.

I would go ahead with it - it will show the teachers what your DS’s home life is like and give them important context about his older brother and how his behaviour impacts you all.

Explain to your eldest in advance that they’ll be coming and that it’ll only be for a short time, but it is good to do it.

I’m in the same situation as you sort of, although our new school is visiting childcare settings not home visits. If it were a home visit and I had no one to care for older child out of the house then I would request a phone call and explain why.

it is important the school is aware of the child’s home situation but they can be made aware without upsetting your older child. Those saying it’s not fair to have youngest loose out for the needs of oldest and it builds resentment have a very valid point that you will be managing likely all your life with differing need children. But consider how it feels to have something about you like a teacher home visit ruined by the high need sibling?

I found the teacher visit helpful for my children to get to meet their teacher and have a nice chat prior to starting school. They were also at the school nursery. It was still very worthwhile.

My eldest child has ADHD and ASD. I have to be very careful to ensure my youngest doesn't miss out on things because of their sibling's additional needs. It's easy to overlook the neurotypical child's needs when you're focusing on how to manage the other child's requirements.

I think you might be falling into this trap here. Try and make it work and organise a visit when your elder child can be elsewhere. This visit is for the benefit of your youngest, not you or their sibling.

Can you explain why you’re using your other son as an excuse when he’ll be actually at school when the visit takes place?
It doesn’t make any sense.

That doesn’t mean he’s attending right at the moment, or even that he’s full time.

I just don’t like the ‘oh haha gotcha’ element to these posts. There’s nothing wrong with a ‘but your older son will be at school won’t he?’but some posts are just spiteful and have a horrible air of triumph about them.

For my part, I do think there’s an element of observation, if not judgement. If a teacher goes to a home and it’s crowded; a lot of people, a lot of pets, a lot of noise, then that will impact on the child and they’ll be aware of it.

Well then his dad takes him out for 30 mins

but given the op says he goes to a different school, somewhat safe assumption that he would have been at school

Former Reception teacher here. Don't give the visit a second thought. We didn't when offers of home visits were refused. You could always ask for a quick meeting with the teacher at the school if there are any issues you'd like to discuss.

Having said that, the home visits were useful for us and child/parents. The children remembered our visits too.