To not have the school home visit?

[Discoballsfordays]

Youngest DC starts reception in September, he's already attending the school nursery. There is a stay and play session upcoming to meet the teacher and you are invited to book a slot for the (optional) home visit whilst there.

I'm choosing not to have one, primarily because my eldest with ASD and ADHD (who goes to a different school) gets disregulated when unknown people are in the house. The duration of the time spent would be dominated by me having to manage him.

DH thinks it might look "dodgy" refusing it, as though we have something to hide - we don't.

WIBU not to? Has anybody else opted out and did it raise any eyebrows?

Yes of course!

OP? Will you now tell us the real reason you don’t want the teacher over? House a chaotic mess?

Why would a teacher need to visit your home? That’s a bonkers idea. I’m all for the children visiting the school before they join. Who thought up this plan.
I would definitely refuse this.

I was also very confused as I've never heard of this either 😂 glad it's just not a thing here! Can't see why I'd want the teacher randomly coming to my house though.

The school won't care and there'll be no official reprocussions or anything.

My youngest found the teacher coming to meet him at home quite helpful in terms of settling in, so Im pleased that I stamped down my insecurities about being judged and let the visit go ahead.

Separately, is the school aware that your younger son has a disabled older brother? That might be something worth sharing with them.

Not everywhere. SIL had home visits for both DNs in Sheffield, but we didn’t in Liverpool.

It’s bizarre….I understand when they have to do it for address verification but really what a waste of time for everybody

Most schools don’t do hone visits anymore anyway!
Just tell them why, and if they object you know you have a crap school on your hands…. Anyone with a minimal understanding of ASD/ADHD knows that it isn’t as easy as “ask husband to take child out”.
My youngest never had friends over for the same reason (we meet up at the park etc), he’s popular, well adjusted, loads of friends. That’s just how life with an asd sibling is at times!
They’ll already meet the teacher, so no real reason to - maybe tge teacher is ok with a 5 min chat after the meet the teacher?

We declined it, we didn’t give a reason - the reason was though we both worked full time and she was in nursery full time too. They didn’t care , and we didn’t hear anything more about it .

Interesting that it’s optional, it’s mandatory here (at least I was never given a choice!). I’m certain it’s to snoop on families and get a picture of how they live, if the house is messy, seems chaotic etc. There just wasn’t any real reason for it away from this, we’d already attended stay and play and they also went in for a day by themselves prior to the home visit.

This is for your dc. Why should they miss out on a chance to familiarise their new teacher because of their older sibling? As others have said, if your older dc is not at school could your dh not take him out for a bit?

What a spiteful post. Maybe the oldest is home educated as didn’t cope at school? Who knows? No need to be nasty.

It's weird that you'd describe checking that a child has safe living conditions as "snooping on families."

Teachers don't care if you haven't hoovered or there's washing up needs doing. They probably would note if there wasn't proper flooring, and no furniture, or other children inadequately cared for, because it's important that they understand a child might have a difficult and complex home life.

I agree the OP isn't worried about their elder child. The visits happen in school hours.

Home visits are weird. Thankfully my child's school stopped doing them last year when he started reception. They did a one to one to come in with a parent and meet the teacher for 20 mins instead.

Though I do agree with your husband that declining it makes your home situation look suspicious. I always assumed it was a sort of safe guarding thing for them to get an insight into the child's home life. Can you do something with your older child and your husband be there with the younger one and the teacher?

@Fishingboatbobbingnight. So true, my dd is 27 and we were given the same advice - don’t pussy foot around, don’t give in, don’t allow her to call the shots, vary routines deliberately and treat her like your other child. Dd was 2 when diagnosed with autism and now an adult she is married, sort of has a job (well it’s a programme to help people into work) and generally gets along ok, uses headphones etc but you couldn’t have predicted this from the screaming non verbal preschooler aged 4. She definitely had serious moments! I didn’t make my life easy but the whole point to not allow her to go down the demand avoidance path in the first place

Completely usual in England, where we lived when DS started school. Doesn’t happen in Ireland where I’m from, but it was actually kind of nice. DS enjoyed it, anyway, and felt some kind of rapport with his two Reception teachers (job share) outside the school context, which was the main point.

It seems mad to me to greet it with such suspicion.

OP, I would do it if at all possible. If not possible, explain why.

As you are probably aware living here, in Ireland the children get to meet the teacher, principal and visit the classroom before they start.
Is it a spying tactic too? Seems an unnecessary time waster, teacher is never going to be in their home again.

They’re never going to start school again, either. If a home visit smooths over starting fears because a child gets to introduce his teacher to his dog, I don’t see the issue. ‘Spying’ seems deeply paranoid.

You wouldn’t know Tbf as the English government act like parents in a lot of the educational decision making. When you infantile people enough that they can’t give their own children lunch, pencils or glue or pay for a book, the teacher has to sub it, a nanny state is born.
I have the July provision for DS. I had teachers here during lockdown and for the month of July every year, I just think it’s strange.

Ex reception teacher here who used to do home visits for the new intake. There’s a lot of suspicion here - I assure you ‘snooping’ was not the point at all and I couldn’t have cared less whether people had hoovered or not!

The main point of the visits was for the child to spend time with their new teacher on their territory to help with familiarity rather than them just spending time with a new person in what was also a new place for them. It was also an opportunity to chat to parents about any issues and concerns they had before their child started school and for them to ask any questions. It was surprising how many parents (particularly when the child was their first to go to school) had lots of questions that they would preface with ‘I didn’t want to ask at the new parents’ meeting but can I just check…?’. I would always rather they had the chance to ask what they wanted to know in a comfortable setting.

That being said, it’s not the end of the world if you don’t want to do it for whatever reason. If I’d had the message that you didn’t want a home visit because you didn’t want to disrupt your older child, I’d have asked if there was an alternative that would suit you better, like a private chat at school or whatever. The point is to build a relationship between school and home, not to inspect your house. Do what you’re most comfortable with.

I agree. I never did Home Visits as I was never given cover in school hours to do it. I don't think it made any difference.

It is supposed to be so the parent and child feel at ease in their own surroundings definitely not to snoop. This is the reasoning I was given as a teacher but, as I said, I never did them.

Ive also opted out.
They did question me, but my reasons are valid.
He's attending the nursery attached to the school full time 30 hours. He knows all the teachers very well as I work as a TA in the reception class next door full time.
Also had a home visit for my daughter several years ago.

Cba with it. 😂

I think it would potentially benefit your younger child for his teachers to know the challenges he has at home.