AIBU to message her boyfriend and tell him she slept with mine?

[Beeloux]

Hi all,
Sorry long one but looking for some advice. Started seeing a man about 4 months ago. Very intense on his side. Asked me to be his girlfriend after a month. I posted before how he seemed to back off after asking me to become official.

Over the last 2 weeks, he started amping up the effort again. All week he’s been going on how he wanted me to meet his friends and invited me over to his to meet them on Saturday evening. One woman and a gay couple (all doctors who he works with). They all seemed nice but I instantly got a vibe off the woman one. She had her boobs pretty much hanging out of her crop top and despite talking about her boyfriend most of the evening, she kept glancing over at mine. Whenever I spoke, she would interrupt.

I left around 10:30 and the gay couple were booking an Uber at the same time. At this stage, boyfriend didn’t seem drunk at all. Maybe had 2 cans of over the 3 hour period I was there.

I received a soppy text that his friends thought I was lovely on the way home which I replied to that it was lovely meeting his friends and hope they had a great evening.

Didn't hear from him until last night. I instantly had a gut feeling especially as it was just him and the woman friend there. He was messaging how he was never drinking again and how he was stopping alcohol. I found this strange as he hardly drank infront of me.

He just messaged before that he had something to tell me and he’s been told he slept with someone after I left as he was ‘black out drunk’ (clearly the woman friend). Just sorry I didn’t mean to and we will need to break this off. I asked if it was his female friend and he replied I’m really sorry it wasn’t meant to happen.

I’ve blocked him on everything. The thing is, this woman has been coming up in my people you may know on Facebook for weeks. I’ve clicked on her profile just before and she’s been with her boyfriend since childhood! He’s tagged in her profile picture so I’ve found his profile.

WIBU to message him and inform him she’s cheated or would that be being petty and open a can of worms?

Advice appreciated!

Do it.

It wouldn't be OP ruining the relationship, it would be this "friend" who cheated, and obviously OP's boyfriend's fault, if he knew she was with someone.
In that situation, I would want to know-the fact it would ruin a long relationship could be a good thing, as I wouldn't want to be with a cheat. Whether I would believe a randomer online-I don't know, but I would appreciate OP giving me the heads-up, because it could be I suspected already, and I'd rather know before maybe having a child/getting married.

UPDATE!!

So I just had a friend request off the boyfriend. Went straight to message him and he had messaged me yesterday but I hadn’t seen it as it had went to my message requests.

Basically he told me she told him yesterday and they have broken up and he thought I should know.

Literally fuming!!

I’ve messaged back thanking him for his message and informing him that neither were drunk whilst I was there as she’s been claiming to have been black out drunk too. I also let him know about her flirtatious remarks throughout the night.

Clearly the twat is lying. He claimed to have only just found out he slept with her. Her boyfriend had messaged me mid afternoon yesterday.

Good man, and good on you for confirming. I don’t understand people who say you should keep it to yourself in these situations. If it was me I’d want to know.

You’re well shot of him!

@Imbrocator thank you!

Feel really sorry for her now ex boyfriend. Had a look and through his photos and they seemed like a very solid couple. He’s marginally much more attractive than the her so I’m not sure how she ended up with his anyways.

I briefly unblocked ex to let him know her boyfriend had messaged me and what a pair of disgusting bastards they both were. He just replied I don’t care and it doesn’t matter now anyways.

Hope they’re very happy with one another!

Do it ! Why not ? I would prefer someone told me

Honestly, is it worth your angst, time, and emotions? I'd do my best to just leave them all to it; especially when you were looking to end things anyway. It's a horrid thing to be on the end of, but you can move on.

I find your references to their body types and ‘attractiveness’, ‘both obese’ and ‘nothing to look at’ quite offensive and shallow. Attraction is much more than these external things. Thin and conventionally attractive people are not better because of their thinness or attractiveness.

However, purely for the way he made you feel (thinking back to your previous thread) I would have stopped it there. And all the updates, party, flirting, Facebook message etc only means you are right to have finally put a stop to it now. Why did you give him a second chance though? That’s definitely worth thinking about for next time.

Yes tell the partner! Shit boyfriend, and she was fake to you all night by eyeing up your boyfriend. You can’t be black out drunk and have sex (as a bloke). Open that can of worms and enjoy!

You were part of this man's life for 4 months. You met his friends once. Unless your life is very dull indeed, you don't need to go creating drama with this bunch of randoms.
Because what's going to happen here realistically? Some bloke recieves a message from a woman he's probably never heard of, telling him without any evidence his GF is a cheat.
To which she will no doubt reply, "Don't be daft, you know me and Gary are mates. He was with this woman when I last saw him who was a bit weird and possessive..."

I agree. Open that can of worms gladly !!!

And @Horselover90 and @5128gap the thread has now moved on.

Do you know for sure that it was her?

what do you hope to gain from telling her partner

Move on, dont stoop to petty revenge in the guise of 'caring'.
In any case, things have been sorted without your input.
Keep your dignity and class by simply putting it all behind you....better luck next time.

So this obese woman was wearing a crop top with her boobs hanging out? The mind boggles.
You're well rid of him, they've probably been friends with benefits for years.

Try not to give it too much headspace. You didn't find him attractive and thought about ending and you have only been together a few weeks. Not sure why you will still with him tbh. If he isn't attractive to you in the first flush, it isn't going to get any better! At least you found out who he is before it went any further.

In response to your original question, I wouldn't have told the boyfriend because a) their relationship is not my business - my issue would be with him and b) because male violence is real. I wouldn't do anything to deliberately put another woman (or their kids) in potential danger.

I wouldn’t. Not because any of them deserve consideration because they’re all fuckers, but because the sooner you can completely extricate yourself and leave them all in your dust the better. You deserve to be free of them and they shouldn’t take up any more headspace, and if you tell him it just keeps you dragged down with them all for longer.

Yes, he deserves to know

Really sorry for you being cheated on by this rotten pair and hope you get over it fast and on to something much better.

I do have to say also (and this has no bearing on how valid your anger is for being cheated on and you having every right to feel slighted here) you come across a bit focused on people's physical appearances and their concurrent 'worth' as a result... in this and another comment about her and your ex being obese. Fair enough if you just want to rant about them as they've screwed you over, but if it was me I would also appreciate someone pointing this out so I could consider whether this was something I should also work on myself a bit.

Thanks all again. For those who haven’t seen my last post, her boyfriend ended up messaging me (it had went to my message requests when I made the thread so only saw it when he sent me a friend request). He revealed all. Turns out ex has cheated on all of his last girlfriends too.

Anyways I’m glad he knows and I didn’t have to tell him.

Revenge is a dish best served cold ! Dont rush into anything.

Hi OP,

Getting in a bit late here as like you I would have really wanted to tell the boyfriend. Why should those stupid bastards get away with it.

Then someone mentioned you don't know any of the people in question or what sort of trouble you could be inviting in.

I am delighted you know that he knows and you didn't have to be the one taking the risks.

Bullet dodged with that loser. Onwards and upwards OP.

It’s all finished! OPs post right above yours literally explains it!

I’d flame the bitch and torch her life!