AIBU to message her boyfriend and tell him she slept with mine?

[Beeloux]

Hi all,
Sorry long one but looking for some advice. Started seeing a man about 4 months ago. Very intense on his side. Asked me to be his girlfriend after a month. I posted before how he seemed to back off after asking me to become official.

Over the last 2 weeks, he started amping up the effort again. All week he’s been going on how he wanted me to meet his friends and invited me over to his to meet them on Saturday evening. One woman and a gay couple (all doctors who he works with). They all seemed nice but I instantly got a vibe off the woman one. She had her boobs pretty much hanging out of her crop top and despite talking about her boyfriend most of the evening, she kept glancing over at mine. Whenever I spoke, she would interrupt.

I left around 10:30 and the gay couple were booking an Uber at the same time. At this stage, boyfriend didn’t seem drunk at all. Maybe had 2 cans of over the 3 hour period I was there.

I received a soppy text that his friends thought I was lovely on the way home which I replied to that it was lovely meeting his friends and hope they had a great evening.

Didn't hear from him until last night. I instantly had a gut feeling especially as it was just him and the woman friend there. He was messaging how he was never drinking again and how he was stopping alcohol. I found this strange as he hardly drank infront of me.

He just messaged before that he had something to tell me and he’s been told he slept with someone after I left as he was ‘black out drunk’ (clearly the woman friend). Just sorry I didn’t mean to and we will need to break this off. I asked if it was his female friend and he replied I’m really sorry it wasn’t meant to happen.

I’ve blocked him on everything. The thing is, this woman has been coming up in my people you may know on Facebook for weeks. I’ve clicked on her profile just before and she’s been with her boyfriend since childhood! He’s tagged in her profile picture so I’ve found his profile.

WIBU to message him and inform him she’s cheated or would that be being petty and open a can of worms?

Advice appreciated!

What a pair of hideous sluts!! Its a bloody nightmare this dating malarkey isn't it OP? XX

I'm not condoning the cheating, but OP you sound incredibly conceited and overly focused on the weight and physical appearances of others. In your post, there are multiple instances where you refer to the weight and objective attractiveness of others in an incredibly disparaging manner where it is not relevant at all.

You refer to this woman's boyfriend and focus on his conventional attractiveness compared to her. Your mention of gay couple complimenting your appearance is rather gratuitous and exemplifies that you see yourself as far more attractive and therefore better than the other woman.

A person who is less objectively attractive or overweight should not be assumed to be more likely to remain faithful based on outward appearances alone. You allude to your view that your boyfriend should have been grateful to be with you. It sounds that he was looking for a way out of your relationship, perhaps due to your disdain for him and others. He sounds like he was only a placeholder for you anyway-if you are not attracted to his obesity, why did you date him in the first place?

They deserve each other. It sounds like it’s been cooked up on one or both ends, if he had to be informed he’d slept with her (I’d be mortified if someone had no recollection of having sex with me) she didn’t even need to tell her boyfriend so must’ve been planning on breaking up anyway. Oh well, lucky escape for you!

How boring and annoying for you. Why do some shitty men do this. Onwards and upwards for you. Maybe it worked out for the best that you didn't tell him. Wishing you a better dating future.

This.

He seemed kind, funny and we got on well, hence why I overlooked the lack of physical attraction. Of course I never called him obese to his face. I was always complimentary.

I was pointing out that she was acting competitive throughout the evening. When someone gave me a compliment, the first thing she did was say ‘what about me?’. Whenever I spoke, she would butt in and talk over me.

I’ve been cheated on before with a much prettier woman. Shoot me down but for me, it hurts more when the woman is conventionally less attractive. Probably down to self esteem issues. If that makes me a bad person then so be it.

She clearly doesn’t have a very nice personality either cheating on her long term boyfriend.

Why are you posting about this you weren’t that attracted to him. Stop giving it head space.

Thanks again for the replies! I feel really sorry for her now ex. Supposedly, he was friends with my ex too so it must be very hurtful.

Ex is blocked on everything so I won’t be having any further contact with him. Feel much better today.

Don't worry OP I'd be fully mocking the appearance of someone if they treated me like that! The fat barstards!😂

Does it? For obese women, large breasts might be their best physical feature. If they’ve got it, why not flaunt it?

He intentionally, with an actual plan, used you to make her jealous for his goal of being with her. Of course he rushed the girlfriend bit, he had to in order to get you in front of her asap. He knew what he was doing. You should be angry. Did he pay you for your time? Because he definitely owes you.

Women are always asked/told to stuff our feelings. For some women that works, but stuffing your feelings is not a panacea. One size does not fit all. Me, I like to imagine leveling the playing field and I actually do level the playing field when it involves money, it's for me, so that I feel good. I never want to feel like I have to absorb bad behavior just because I'm female. We are constantly told to suck it up.

I am going to give you a little fantasy to think about which might make you feel better.

Imagine you find a nice looking man, not someone you necessarily want to date, and you read him into your situation. You ask if he's game to help you and he says yes, he does. You probably already know where your ex likes to hang out and when he's most likely to be there, so the two of you as "a couple" run across the two of them. You make introductions, then pull your ex aside to talk to him about anything for 5-10 minutes, while your "date" chats her up. She seems to be interested in boys who are already taken, especially by you, so she chats back with interest.

You make sure your ex can see her talking to him while he flirts with her, offers his contact info (not his real info), and then as the two of you leave your "date" glances over his shoulder at her. That's it. You're done. You walk away knowing that tonight there might be a little trouble in paradise.

Did it help?

I understand you feel understandably upset, but it's also good that he told you rather than you getting in deeper.

I think how attractive she is probably feels important as you're naturally making a comparison, but I think how she looks probably had nothing to do with it.

From what you describe it sounds like she was probably flattering him, giving him attention, appreciation, affection and he's just an idiot.

Doesn't sound like you have boundary problems or did anything wrong. He's just a wrongun.

I wouldn't. He sounds so hot and cold that I honestly wouldn't be surprised of he was just out and out lying for the drama and to throw you off balance, see if you "forgive" him.

He's giving bad vibes.

Totally agree😂

Just walk away.

I’d tell him

I think you hit the nail on the head!

Just before he asked to make things official, he had asked me to meet his friends her but it was cancelled as he was ill. He specifically said I’d like you to meet my friends before we make things official. Looking back I should have seen the alarm bells ringing then!

Lots of photos of them together on his social media.

Her now ex told me how she confessed it but didn’t ask for any reconciliation, similar to what mine did. Just said I need to end things as I did something stupid.

I’m sure they’ve had it planned all along. I was sat inbetween them like a third wheel all night. She was twiddling her bunches and glancing over at him and smiling. Both barely drank.

Personally if I was going to a male friends house for drinks alongside his so called girlfriend and gay friends, I wouldn’t turn up in a provocative outfit. Maybe that’s just me.

I’m sure some PP will mock me for being ‘so invested’ if it was a short relationship but the audacity and lack of respect has still pissed me off. I think he’s only told me because he’s caught wind her boyfriend was going to message me.

Just breathe a sigh of relief that this man showed his colours so early, and run for the hills.

He's clearly playing games with you.

Beeloux ·
Those people are users. He love bombed you. F with them, don't F with them, just be glad you're out.

Why not? Of course you can do. He deserves to know.

Please, if a thread is more than an hour old, read all of OPs posts.

It all depends on what you want to gain from him knowing. do you want him to dump her? Do you want to cause her misery? Hold your head up & walk away from them & know you're better off with out him.

It is good that it's all done and you didn't need to do much. Maybe you can become friends with her ex now if you find him attractive :-) Otherwise it's good you only wasted 4 months of your life on your ex and not years and now whenever you wish you can go out and be ready for someone who deserves you. Good luck!