AIBU to stay in the UK rather than move back to Switzerland?

[Swissandconfused]

I've been living in the UK for 12 years with my husband and DC . I'm originally from Switzerland, came for Erasmus at uni, met my husband and got a job....the usual! We live in a lovely part of the country in England and are very happy.

However people keep saying to me "surely Switzerland is much better, why would you stay here" etc etc..
I'm starting to think it might be better long term but we're so happy here, my son has lots of friends and we both have good jobs. AIBU to throw it all away? I'm really really scared to mess up the good things we have. I'm from a small alpine valley which is absolutely beautiful but the people can be very very insular and close minded and this bothered me my entire life when living there. I find living in the UK quite freeing. Also job wise it would be difficult. My son is bilingual so that would be fine but I'm afraid he'll find it hard to integrate.

Would you have to go back to the Valley?
Ive been in Switzerland for about 15 years.
The job market is tough at the moment. I wouldn’t move back without a job.
And I guess you know about the education system and the streaming.
I love living in Switzerland- compared to the Uk the health care is better, it’s generally safer, cleaner, more efficient and affordable public transport.
However it is expensive to live there, it can be insular and I think the education system is a bit sink or swim. I do love the apprentice schemes tho.
I think British people have a very sort of ooh/exotic opinion of living in Switzerland but lots of what you write is true. It can be difficult to make friends outside of the main cities/expat bubbles of international school and it is very expensive.
Maybe have a long visit over the summer holidays and see how you feel?

I'm from the UK but spent some time working in Switzerland (seasonal hotel work in an alpine valley), what you've said about the insular mentality really resonates and while I loved my time there I found it hard to connect with people. If you're happy here and kids are too then there's no reason to uproot your life but equally maybe you could keep your options open by keeping an eye on job opportunities in your field there? I imagine in cities people might be less conservative and it might be easier to settle?

My DH is Polish and we met there so I have similar thoughts sometimes, seeing how things are in the UK right now and wondering whether we made the right choice to settle here. It's a tough one!

Thank you. We're there for the full summer holiday every year (our work allows it) and my boy he gets plenty of language exposure and time with the grandparents. I agree with everything that you said- the healthcare etc
.I just find it so much easier to make friends etc in England. And a bit more easy going.

The thing is if I don't go back to my valley, it's kind of pointless because my parents are there and some of my old friends, and I don't want to start completely "from scratch", if that makes sense!

Yes, there's pros and cons everywhere isn't it. I still think on the whole, most people in the UK are very welcoming and more open minded

Other people thinking that the grass is greener is not a reason to uproot your entire life and move to Switzerland! I’m Canadian and we have lived in both countries; people here go on at me “why would you live in the UK when you could be in Canada?” But these tend to be people who have only ever lived in one country and don’t appreciate that everywhere has pros and cons.

Decisions about where to live are so hard to make arent they. I also think, should I stay in the UK or move back to Spain where I lived for years. I am originally from the UK.

The decision on where to live is a lot of pressure as it is an important one. And we dont really know what its like until we go. If you are happy here, why move?

If you are happv where you are, why would you consider moving because other people think it's better?

I moved from a place that's considered desirable to somewhere considered less desirable, but I am I much happier here.

Follow your heart - not other people's.

I lived in Switzerland for 2 years. I wouldn't go as far as saying I hated it, but I really didn't enjoy it. I lived in 2 locations, a 'resort' type environment, which was too much like living in a snowy holiday camp, and a more normal village, which was preferable to the resort.

But still. As a Brit, used to having a huge variety of cultures and ethnicities and their influences around me, I found Switzerland claustrophobic. Certainly, it was very beautiful. But boring. And a minor consideration for me was the variety of food. We're used to a huge range in the UK, due to our cultural diversity. The constant focus there on cheese, carbs and bland foods was so blah. I've lived in other overseas places also and I think other than the US, which I have no desire to visit again, Switzerland was my least favourite. The huge cost of health insurance is staggering too. I had the very very bare minimum of insurance, which required a telephone call before any kind of actual visit with a doctor and paid over £300 a month, for a single, healthy, not too old person.

If I wanted a walking holiday, I'd go because it is stunningly beautiful. But I don't want to live there again.

Just because people who've probably never lived there are saying it 'must' be better, it doesn't make it true does it?

You're the one who knows why you left, and why you value living here.

I see no reason for you to suddenly go back just because others picture some cutesey chocolate box village or people with lots of money living next to picturesque lakes or whatever.

That's not to say you can't go back to visit regularly. But you haven't mentioned anything negative about your life here to make me think moving would be sensible.

"As a Brit, used to having a huge variety of cultures and ethnicities and their influences around me, "

Lol where do you live? In a big British city?

It is definitely not multi cultutlral al over Britain.

I lived in Norfolk, it was predominantly white there.

I now live in a small town on the South coast of England. Again, its very white and clicky. The white British definitely do not mix with the foreigners

I am form south germany came to the uk for erasmus, stayed for 12 years met husband and had bilingual children...
We did move to germany and i think it might have been the wrong decision. The kids love it now but took ages to adjust. Small village live is isolating

You are happy were you are no need to change no matter what other people think they would do.

I've lived in 5 different UK cities. Including Norfolk. If you don't mix with other cultures I'd say that is more of a choice than it has to be. Do you have Indian, Chinese, Italian, Mexican restaurants and shops near you? I do and I have everywhere I've lived in the UK in the last 25 years. But I definitely would not want to live in a very small, white dominant and cliquey village.

I agree, that when I grew up (I'm likely a lot older than you), it was a lot more white dominant than it is now. But I prefer the cultural variety. And I actively missed it in Switzerland.

I would choose the UK over Switzerland but a few places over the UK.

(Indeed I left the UK in 2024.)

If you love living there, and your son is thriving etc., why would you even entertain leaving?

You've really hit the nail on the head with your post, I agree with everything.

Claustrophobic is the right word, it's beautiful and everything works really well but it's also a bit boring - I think because of exactly that! We live near Manchester and I always absolutely love the melting pot of culture and food there. It's wild but wonderful.

I think when people say these things about it being better somewhere else what they mean is that things are more "orderly" there.

I mean Zurich in Switzerland has chinese, Indian, Italian and Mexian restaurants aswell.

I loved visiting Zurich I have to say.

Ive lived in other big European cities. I find the people in the UK to be the least friendly of anywhere Ive lived.

I have encountered a lot of rude and nasty people in the UK.

That is why I am thinking of moving to Spain. I lived there before and I liked it.

That's very interesting. If you don't mind me asking, why do you think it might have been the wrong decision?

I'm from a small alpine valley which is absolutely beautiful but the people can be very very insular and close minded and this bothered me my entire life when living there. I find living in the UK quite freeing. Also job wise it would be difficult. My son is bilingual so that would be fine but I'm afraid he'll find it hard to integrate.

This is all about the pros and cons for you and your son. What about your husband? Where does he fit into all this?

Ignore them!

You're comparing your actual life in the UK to your actual knowledge of Switzerland and your part of it.

Unless they know you very well and are Swiss, the people saying you should go back are merely comparing thoughts about UK life in general (and possibly their own struggles) with an idealised view of life in Switzerland.

Regardless of where you're moving to or from, I think you need a much better reason to move happy, well settled DC with friends than "other people think I should" plus you're both happy with good jobs.

The UK is working for you, you're all happy, sounds ideal to me.

I didn't mean to leave him out at all, I was typing in a bit of a hurry. My husband would be happy to move to my home country as long as he finds a job as good as he has now.

i bloody love Switzerland.

But of course YANBU. You are happy so why change it!? I am just baffled that you prefer the UK. …..

Yes that's what I mean, that's what people say all the time to me and it makes me doubt myself!

The British people saying it to you - have they actually lived in Switzerland?

I think some British people seem to think of Switzerland as A Utopian paradise, when it is not perfect. No where is.

I think people who say this are trying to complement your homeland and also expressing anxiety about this country. I don't think they are saying you should pack up your lives and wave goodbye to a life that you enjoy and a circle of friends you love. Just reply by thanking them and saying that the grass isn't always greener and that you love this country and the friendliness of the people, you have lived here your whole adult life and intend to grow old here.

You sound very happy, so that’s all that matters.

perhaps I can take your place in Switzerland? I have friends there and go quite often. I’m even starting to understand a bit of Schwiizerdütsch (I have a degree in high German from many decades ago).

Mostly becaus the kids really struggled with the move. Knowing german, knowing kids games and their language and fitting in are different.

Moving back to the village was also wired. Everyone thinks they know you and you them. But I am not the same person that left 12 years ago. People talk about us but not with us. Being new to a place is different because people are more interested to know who the newcomers are.
Don't get me wrong there is a lot of good things too. Lovely nature, my german family, better payed jobs, loads of old friends...

So maybe it is just a "gras is greener" thing, but we had a good live. The move and all the responsibility of being the only adult that knew the languageand took more out of me than i was able to give at times.
We have sattel now, my husbands german has massively improved and we will stay put.
But i still somtimes think we should have made a different choice.