AIBU to stay in the UK rather than move back to Switzerland?

[Swissandconfused]

I've been living in the UK for 12 years with my husband and DC . I'm originally from Switzerland, came for Erasmus at uni, met my husband and got a job....the usual! We live in a lovely part of the country in England and are very happy.

However people keep saying to me "surely Switzerland is much better, why would you stay here" etc etc..
I'm starting to think it might be better long term but we're so happy here, my son has lots of friends and we both have good jobs. AIBU to throw it all away? I'm really really scared to mess up the good things we have. I'm from a small alpine valley which is absolutely beautiful but the people can be very very insular and close minded and this bothered me my entire life when living there. I find living in the UK quite freeing. Also job wise it would be difficult. My son is bilingual so that would be fine but I'm afraid he'll find it hard to integrate.

Without saying where exactly I'm based, but I live fairly rurally and that's not my experience at all to be honest. Even in smaller settings people tend to still mix and even in a village, in the UK it's still multicultural whereas in many places in Europe you'd be stared at

I 100% agree with the open minded ness and willing to be friendly. I have 1 swiss friend. She is lovely. But it is indeed hard to make friends. Most people have their circle from school, maybe university (if they went) and that’s it.

You think the British are more open minded and friendly?

All I hear from the people that move to England is: how unfriendly the people are in England. They say that it is really difficult to make friend here. That people are very unwelcoming

The Swiss job market is brutal at the moment.
What job will your husband be looking for? And where?
Don’t forget health insurance for a family will be chf1,000 every month.

Surely it depends which part of Britain you are in. English people in the south east IME tend to be difficult to get to know but it depends again on context. I have neighbours who are retired and they have more time to chat. People rushing to get a train to commute, come home quite late probably not as bothered as tired. I have family elsewhere in the country and the difference in friendliness on an everyday level is stark. Everywhere you go people are chatty, supermarket, neighbours, postman etc.

That could not be further from my experience..Granted I'm in the North where people are famously warm and friendly. Everyone who's ever visited me says the same.
You can be on the tram, in the pub,and people speak to you. When I fell in public a few years ago people were quick to help. I have two French friends who say exactly the same, that they mainly love the people over here!

Also I do think it massively depends on oneself. If you're friendly, often other people treat you accordingly (not always of course!)

He would probably find something though it would mean a long commute if we were to live in my valley(sorry, I feel I've already been quite outing on this thread so don't want to give any more details!)

What worries me most is if we do move and he finds a job, if he for any reason lost that one, there would probably not be much else he could do (as jobs in the industry he works in are not in plentiful supply over there) and then we really have a problem. Plus, our son is so happy here, I would hate it if he potentially wouldn't be over there.

My neighbour is Swiss. She’s in her 70s and has about 6 or so Swiss friends, all in 70s and 80s I think. We’re not in a particularly big town . None of them have any intention of going back.

Do what works for you.

I think in this age it's slightly different to be honest, surely you wouldn't uproot yourself then unless absolutely necessary. But yes, you are absolutely right, one has to do what's right for them 👍

I nannied there and have been quite a few times with work and I agree- it’s near bottom of my list of places I would pick to live. It’s ludicrously expensive ( and I’ve lived in Copenhagen ) it’s dull unless you ski and it’s the kind of place where people shut shop doors on me because they were having lunch - however I guess it would suit some, especially if you like skiing, snowboarding etc . As it happens we’ve got our freelance visas in for Germany and are looking at moving to Düsseldorf/cologne/Bonn area. Germany has the things I do value like good health care ( not cheap and pay in) but that area does have the outdoorsy stuff that suits me, river walks, lakes, good walking and the biggest Japanese area for food in Europe in Duss and a fantastic indoor food market, Still has life, events, great connections and airport (x 2) the river , great shopping, a big mix of people - I felt Switzerland was all a bit sterile ‘for me’ and Germany far far cheaper.

They have all been here since DC young and had plenty of opportunity to go back but none have 🙂

Could you not go to one of the more cosmopolitan cities, Geneva, Zurich etc, drivable distance to home area?

If you have to go now, what's the rush?

We don't have go go now but our son is 6 and it won't get any easier moving him as he gets older
...he even says he prefers the UK and doesn't want to move, just wants to visit ( I'm fully aware though that you can't take everything at face value)
The problem with living in a bigger city is that we're still hours away from family then and then the pull is not strong enough.

Wishing you all the best in Germany, I hope you like it!

I went to an international secondary school in Geneva and then uni in the UK if it helps and I think the transition was ok. Could your son go to an international school as follow on from UK primary in a few years?

Surely even the remotest valleys aren't that far from a city in Switzerland? or on the excellent train system? Maybe its bigger than I remember 😁

Will be hard to move without compelling reasons I think as you are happy here. Holiday home in the Alps?

It’s a stunning country but it’s also only 90 mins on a cheap flight away. You can go and visit frequently and enjoy it without living there.

Yes I know it really well - so it’s not an unknown - like everywhere it has it’s down points but for me the up points balance it up -

I wouldn’t go OP - sounds like your heart isn’t in it

I used to live in Switzerland, would love to go back but can’t.

As you like where you live can’t you just stay and go back to Switzerland in the future if you want. It sounds like you have the best of both worlds, a nice life here and a future in Switzerland should you ever want it. I mean when your son is over 18. I wouldn’t move him to a close-minded little alpine village.

I am British, but also have Australian and European citizenship. People are always saying I should move abroad. But I live in a lovely part of the UK and have a great life. I sometimes think that I should be moving to give my children a better future, but actually if you've given children a good education the world is their oyster, particularly if they also have citizenship of other countries. There's no need to move pre-emptively just in case.

OP, I would decide based on what you actually want in the near future. It sounds like you don't have a strong pull to go home at the moment but you can reassess that in a few years - perhaps when your son is 9 or 10 and coming up to secondary school.

To me, spending every summer there sounds like a great balance. When he's older, your son will have the choice to go to university or live in Switzerland if he wants to and you are keeping that choice open by teaching him the language and keeping him connected with Swiss family/culture. Lucky him!

Really? English people unwelcoming? That’s news to me.

TBH plenty of Brits - usually those who’ve never lived anywhere else - will think that just about anywhere must be better than the UK.
Follow your own feelings as far as practical and ignore them.

Same here, I found that comment absolute baffling!

Exactly, I often felt growing up that the people were so closed minded, and despite many good points about my home, I'm unsure if I'm doing my little boy a favour moving there....