AIBU to expect husband to do bulk of weekday childcare when he’s unemployed?

[eatentoomanygrapes]

Husband made redundant. We have just moved house and only have childcare for one of our kids for 3 days a week until he starts school in September; the other (18 months) doesn’t start nursery til sept due to long waiting lists.

husband doesn’t want to get a job - he has a bit of money behind him from the sale of his late dads house. he wants to “explore a few ideas” he has to set up a business.

I took a week off while we moved house. Tomorrow I go back to work but husband fully expects me to do 50% of the childcare (I WFH but no broadband at home yet).

AIBU to suggest this is massively selfish on his part?

Last night we had a huge argument as he lay on the sofa watching tv - I asked why he has to insist on doing his “work stuff” during the week when I’m working, why he can’t try and do that in the evenings or when baby naps.

He seems to think it’s perfectly reasonable to expect me to screw up my own job so he can sit in the garden phoning people and tinkering away on his laptop. I’m not convinced he has any kind of plan.

if he was applying for jobs it would be slightly different and I’d be more supportive, but I’d also expect him to respect my job.

Can you work from a cafe or somewhere? You need to do that- he has no respect at all for your job while at the same time he expects you to have a huge amount of respect and support for his… vague plans that do not include a job. I’d disappear at 8 each morning if I could. Selfish fucker.

I didn't want to say that, so thanks to you for taking one for the team.

Nope. He should be doing 100% during the week.

He’s taking the piss out of you OP.

There is absolutely no reason he can’t do his ‘business’ on your days off/evenings.

I assume you have to work in the office if you have no internet and so he’s going to have to find a way to do his business and parent.

He doesn’t like or respect you OP.
He feels like why should he parent when that’s your job.

This relationship would be done for me.

If you can go into an office I would. And id leave the little one with him and let him figure it out.

Either way when youre working hes default parent and if he doesnt want to parent. As the parent he can source child care if he needs it

This!

What a waste of space he is - I’d start having to work in the office and go to a library or coffee shop or even the office!

If he’s not working/contributing, he does childcare. You can’t risk the one person bringing in money to loose their job due to childcare issues.

As annoying as it is, work out of the house as much as possible. Which equals him making you feel like you can’t even WFH in your own home.

This spells trouble for any relationship.

He needs to do the childcare or if he thinks he has enough money not to have a job then he can use it to pay for a nanny.

Or a nearby cafe, or library. anywhere really.

Why do people marry men like these?

You are working, he is not. You have a legitimate reason to be busy, he is making himself look busy. He can phone people when baby is napping and do his researching at night time.
Or I'd source a childminder and make him pay for it seen as he doesn't want to do it.

Absolutely no way I would do any childcare during my work time in this scenario unless he had an interview or an urgent medical appointment. If nothing else, you succeeding in your job is now even more important as it's the only income. Do not be available. Rent an office space if you have to.

I also would expect him to be the one looking for childcare, if you can trust him not to just take whatever he finds to get time to himself. He's being a massive prick.

Agree 100% with this and @Holdinguphalfthesky

Jesus Christ yet another entitled bloke

If the situations were reversed and you had a stash of cash which enabled you to give up work while you decided what to do with the rest of your life would this issue even have been raised? Or would your OH have assumed that since you were now not working that you were available for childcare/ cleaning/ shopping/ life organisation etc etc.

Ask him that, see what his answer is.

This is VERY VERY valid. It is actually laughable, and @viquesis absolutely right, if you suggested this to him that he needed to do 50% of childcare whilst working whilst you were unemployed, he would have thought you absolutely bonkers. Also, I bet he wouldn’t be the one scrambling around to research childcare like you are.
as usual, reversing a situation is a very very clear way of demonstrating when something is very clearly misogyny.

The goal should be equal amounts of downtime/leisure time. So factoring in work and child care, a day a week each leisure time sounds like it could be achievable. But whoever is working fewer hours needs to step up to more child care .

I would agree with what your husband wants BUT I would tell him that he needs to be the one to arrange the childcare so he can do the hours he wants building the business as you are too busy actually working.
He should also pay for the necessary childcare too .

Jesus, while I can’t believe he’s arguing about doing childcare this thread is awful, honestly calling someone you don’t know a waste of space, useless and telling op to leave him? There’s a thread about how tough mn has gone and this so shows it

if he’s not working then surely it makes sense if he does the “child care” while you work and then you take over in the evening and he can try and get some work done then.

He sounds like an absolute tool.

Your house husband fantasy is oie in the sky. It's never going to happen. A lazy and selfish person isn't going to suddenly become something else.

How can you wfh with no broadband?
How does he think you can work at the same time as caring for toddlers?

How much money from the house ?

Will be spunk it all ?

if he found a job then what about childcare if it’s too much for your mum

or he has no intention of working

can you survive on your salary or is he sharing the house inheritance