AIBU to resent DH constantly complaining about tiredness since DD was born

[Weareallreallytired]

Before I start moaning, I just have to caveat by saying I know my DH works long hours and has a very stressful job. But I am honestly sick to the back teeth of him moaning about how tired he is since our DD was born 18 months ago.

From the day we left the hospital it was been constant. He moved into the spare room when she was 4 days old. She sleeps through the night now but I did every single night feed as I was breast feeding even when I had a sick bug and had to crawl into her room. I get up with her every morning even when we were on holiday, I didn’t get 1 lie in as he was soooo exhausted from work. The baby monitor disturbs him. It’s just endless moaning.

He does work long hours and there is a lot of evening events he has to attend whilst I’m a SAHM so I do totally understand that he needs to catch up on sleep but I’m sooo fed up of being up at the crack of dawn with DD whilst DH ‘snoozes’ upstairs and then having to listen to him whinge about how tired he is.

I’ve suggested he go back in the spare room, wear ear plugs, have white noise on etc but apparently he is still being disturbed.

I’ve tried so hard not to go down the competitive tiredness route but I’m just feeling livid today after a 5am start with DD and no appreciation from DH that I might be tired too!!!

YANBU and this would drive me mad.

Either he’s absolutely taking the piss and is a useless partner or he needs a trip to the GP because that level of tiredness isn’t normal.

Yeah that would drive me insane OP, tell him very firmly to knock it off, also he needs to be sharing the weekend lie ins, if anything it will make him appreciate what you are doing more. Breastfeeding isn't an excuse, he gets up, brings baby to you to feed in bed, then takes baby away after and starts the day like you do 6 days a week.

I don't care what anyone says, looking after a baby is harder than working a job, especially if its a desk job.

A friend of mine shared these with me. I think she got them from her baby group. They might be worth sharing with him and talking through. You seem to “get” your partners day an and stresses. Him not so much. It doesn’t sound like you want him to do more- just be understanding. I get your frustration 💐

Assuming he's in good health he sounds very self-absorbed. He's allowed to be tired as it probably slightly disruptive having the baby crying in the room over. But you're doing it all and must be utterly exhausted and he's not even finding a moment to acknowledge that or give you an occasional lie-in?!

I think he needs to visit GP and get bloods done.

Have you said this to him? “Look DH you might not realise this but you’ve done nothing but conplain about being tired recently. Can you either go to the doctor or keep it to yourself as it’s winding me up, especially since you get much more sleep than me?”

Also he should 💯 be doing one of the weekend wake ups, no argument. If he’s tired anyway it won’t make any difference will it?

Have you told him all this?

I don't understand why you wouldn't communicate any of this to him?

Agree with pp he needs to see a gp

Another one saying he needs to get his bloods done.

If they turn out fine, you two need to sit down and have a serious chat.

And you need to seriously reconsider any future babies you may have planned.

This would give me the ick, sorry but he sounds pathetic and almost like he pre - emptivley decided to say this every day since birth so you can't be the tired one and need him to step up, it would feel manipulative to me.

give him a kick up the bum lazy sod. bout time he pulled his finger out and helped you. so he works long hours well what does he think you do

He doesn’t like you. Split up and give him 50/50

I have but it’s fallen on deaf ears !

When you say it's fallen on deaf ears, what exactly happens?

I agree with others that if he genuinely is this tired when there's nothing very tiring in his life, then he needs to see the GP urgently.

Does he acknowledge that he sounds like someone seriously ill? Or does he think it's all to do with having a toddler in his life (and a toddler who hasn't meaningfully disrupted any of that life, by the sounds)?

Do you have any couple friends with babies who could give him a dose of reality?

I know a couple of people who were a bit like this when their children were babies, and unfortunately, it is not a good predictor of a long relationship.

No.

When he complains next time tell him you dont give a flying fuck that hes tired. He's a selfish self absorbed manchild. He has a child. He isn't working 7 days a week, he isnt the first person in the world to have a child, he is doing nothing to help the household, he has a child; he should be doing some parental duties and at least one of the days off he should be letting you get some rest as well rather than moaning his arse every time he is disturbed. No shit he's disturbed; THERES A CHILD they tend to disturb a household.

Pull himself together and stop fucking moaning. Its seriously ick when someone just moans for 18 months solid.

What a loser. Do not have another child with this selfish waster.

Did he want a baby OP? Was he fully on board with the decision?

It seems he has just checked out of parenting ? I would be raging. And making plans to move on without this manchild.

Whatever you do, do not have any more kids with this man. He's either ill or lazy.

Ask him how he is going to manage his parenting arrangements after you've divorced him?

what does “falls on deaf ears” look like?

There's no appreciation from him because he's never had to do it.

Plenty of women go back to work after having a child, still doing night wakenings and then go to work. They get on with it.

When I was on maternity leave, we shared the weekends, so each got a lie it. It's fair. You should discuss doing this, nothing will change until he actually starts parenting.

I suspect it means 'doesn't make the slightest bit of difference'.

You never heard this expression before?
Makes me sad some of these old expressions are dying out!