To say no or at least show that it's a bit if an imposition...Basically we have a young family and since our children were born our holidays have been largely dictated to us by in laws.
I genuinely love my in-laws and I like spending time with them. They're great with the kids, supportive and help out when we need it. However, we've had 3 'milestone' birthdays where the celebrations have centred around a holiday. I should add DH has a sibling who lives abroad, so I understand why it's a more important opportunity for the family to all get together as time together can be limited. However, I'm a bit sad that our annual leave and money are always dedicated to these extended family holidays which tbh aren't at places I would choose and tend to be very chaotic rather than relaxing.
If not for the 'milestone' birthday aspect I likely would have said no to so many extended family holidays until we had a few more holidays of our own choosing under our belt. We've only managed to get away as a nuclear family once so far. I also feel the need to try and balance things up by going on holiday with my family occasionally so they don't feel left out which doesn't leave much time or money leftover.
Now most approaching 'milestones' that I was aware of are over and I was looking forward to starting to spend our annual holiday budget and valuable annual leave on making memories as a nuclear family and doing what we want to do. Especially as the kids childhoods seem to be flying by so fast, there's certain things I want to do before they get too old. And we haven't been away together just as a couple in 4 years. However, FIL has just announced that their wedding anniversary is next year which will be another family holiday apparently. It does annoy me that this is presented as fact rather than an invitation!
The problem is I genuinely do love my in laws and although it could be argued they're being a bit short sighted/selfish when it comes to this, I really don't want to upset them. To say no to this feels like saying we don't care about their anniversary and don't want to celebrate with them. We do. We just we wish it was with a meal out or something rather than something that yet again swallows up all our money for the year and therefore cancels out anything we might like to have done. I'm starting to feel like I'm living life for them and extended family and what they want to do rather than for ourselves and what's best for our family.
I should also add that in laws have had a very privileged life and have travelled most of the world. I feel like I've blinked and I'm older than I thought and it should be our time now to start living. However, in laws are in their 70s and although are in good health, DH worries that every holiday may be their last big holiday so always wants to go. I do understand his point, but when does it end?
Should I just suck it up and defer our plans one more time and then say no after this last one? Our finances are stretched and we don't know what will come in the years ahead. It honestly makes me want to cry over all the thousands we've spent these past years on these trips. It's not that they haven't been enjoyable (mainly), more that it's prevented us from doing other things just for us if that makes sense? The thought of money becoming tighter and all the opportunities we had being used for these extended family occasions and then no longer being possible really upsets me.
Is it possible to broach this without looking like the bad guys?