What is it like growing up rich?

[coulditbeme2323]

Just that really - what's it like growing up rich?

I grew up in a very normal 3 bed end terrace. We were not poor but by no means rich. Dad had a trade, Mum worked as a receptionist, maybe a week in Spain if Dad had a good year.

My husband on the other hand comes from a super wealthy family.

We have done some incredible things this year already, and I am still in awe of being able to do these things. My husband enjoys them - but its what he has been used to.

Same for our 3 kids - they have grown up wealthy - so I am actually the odd one out in the house!

This isn't new to me, we have been married 19 years so this has been my life for some while.

I suppose I never want to lose the feeling of being in awe at doing amazing things.

I grew up very privileged in terms of schools and area, but there were always people wealthier. I never felt like we were rolling in it. My parents made quite sure I knew how hard they had had to work to get us to where we were. That narrative was always ringing in my head. Plus, nothing was ever handed on a plate.

I saw the difference most once it came to university and leaving university where I need to get a job to have some extra money, despite being given a small allowance, and then laterly when friends just moved into their parents’ spare houses/ flats in London and didn’t have to pay rent.

Kids now have grown up with a lot of wealth. DH didn’t but seems determined for them to have everything he didn’t and honestly I think he’s creating monsters. Sometimes our kids have shocking little appreciation for how lucky they are to do and have some of the things they do. Funnily enough even now, I am probably more grateful and in awe of some of the places we stay - astounded by the beauty, or continue to feel how lucky we are - than DH who had none of this. When he’s paying up for things like amazing hotels he gets into a zone of expecting it to be absolutely bloody amazing so sees a lot of faults.

Slightly off topic but can ask what it was like having a scholarship and living on the outskirts of rich life as you say? I have a toddler and of teen wonder about scholarships to private schools, I wonder if she’d just feel left out of all the activities that her rich peers would have access to. We are not poor now but very much squeezed middle, very little disposable income.

A fair few people on here have said they have wealthy friends but grew up poor or working class, and you OP must now have friends who are v different to you as they would have had a different upbringing. I grew up poor and now am sort of low middle class perhaps? I struggle to be friends with people from different classes, I’ve really tried and am genuinely asking how you do it? I find I just feel left out of the conversation when MC people talk of ski holidays, private schools, complain they’ve only got two cars etc. Me and dh struggle to afford our car, we probably shouldn’t have got one tbh, we could only afford a tiny flat while most people our age (late thirties) own big houses, we haven’t been on holiday in years and are killing ourselves trying to afford a week away at a euro camp this year. I’m genuinely trying to understand how you make friendships with people who live vastly different lives to you? It’s something I’d like to get better at.

Rich people definitely take their kids to Disneyland but it's usually once in a lifetime "bucket list" tick-off. They usually wait until the kids are big enough to remember the trip and they pay for the most expensive packages like the Princess Makeover, Character Breakfast etc. Very few families are so snobby that they consider Disney completely below them, and because of that, there is a need to keep up with what all the other kids are doing. Rich people are very much conformists within their own social class, so if all of their friend's children have been to Disneyland, they will go as well just so they don't get left out of conversations about it.

Another "rich" habit is being able to discuss shared experiences that are inherently expensive to do. So even if you don't go skiing with another family you have to make it clear that you DO go skiing and bond over the comparisons of different ski resorts. Taking the kids to Disneyland is also one of the those status things so you can discuss which park you went to (the further away obviously the more of a stealth brag it is). Most choose Miami or Tokyo over the one in Paris.

However being obsessed with Disneyland and repeatedly visiting the parks is very lower/working class. No rich person will be caught dead making Disney their entire personality and getting a yearly pass so they can go back every single vacation. That in itself is unspeakably naff. You need to visit Disney at least 10-15 days (I think) for the year pass to pay for itself, which means at lest 2-3 vacations a year have to be planned around the park. It's logistically impossible because winter is ski vacation time, summer is beach vacation and there are usually a few city breaks or visiting friends and family in between. Using up all the school holidays for Disneyland is extremely low-brow.

I was horribly bullied at the private schools I attended. I did have some nice holidays though, an enormous house and got driven around in a fancy car. Dad had a giant ego and is a narcissist, so this wasn't always easy. It went tits up in my 20s though, and had to adjust to a life not minted. Had to learn to budget and live off my wits.

My DC are being brought up to budget and know the phrase no we can't afford it. I'm trying to bring them up to be more savvy and street smart than I ever was.

I grew up quite poor - my single mum worked part time, my grandmother helpedher a lot. Grew up in a council house, never had much. I have worked my way up the career ladder into a 6 figure salary and very generous bonuses and live very comfortably but definitely nowhere near wealthy. I appreciate my life sooooo bloody much! Because I have worked for it and earned everything i own. Literally everything. I paid my own way through uni etc. I can afford to help my kids out and tbh I struggle with it because I don't want them have constant handouts, and I want them to appreciate what they have. I will be supporting my DC through university but they both work as well and prefer to earn their own money. It's a hard balance, instilling the values I have whilst also making sure life isn't too difficult for them. Funnily enough my eldest has noticed and commented on this, that she sees what I have achieved in life.

Sorry - that's no help as to growing up rich as I don't have a clue, but it's an interesting thread

I couldn't agree more. I work with people on huge incomes and whilst I earn good money I have a bit of imposter syndrome about it and can't really relate to those who've had it all their lives. I have nothing to talk to them about.

Kids now have grown up with a lot of wealth. DH didn’t but seems determined for them to have everything he didn’t and honestly I think he’s creating monsters. Sometimes our kids have shocking little appreciation for how lucky they are to do and have some of the things they do.

The thing to consider here is that aren't rich and successful people the adult equivalent of "spoiled children"? The goal of capitalist society is to attain a state where you are legally entitled to so much money you can maximise your own comfort and desires. And assuming that money is cleverly managed/invested so it doesn't dissipate within one generation, why do children need to be constantly grateful for something that is essentially just the norm for the rest of their life?

The obvious assumption is that giving children too much makes them unpleasant and monstrous human beings. As a PP mentioned, there were kids who smashed iPads and had those replaced immediately. But in the context of their lifestyle, does that really make a difference? The cost of an iPad for some families is the same as replacing a broken mug, in terms of relation to daily income. Personality is also very much determined individually. If you take 100 "spoiled" rich kids, some might be horrible but many might become charming, fun and generous adults despite growing up the same way. People love to selectively find anecdotes to support their theories.

The other thing to consider is whether having too much at all times, or getting everything you want easily makes a person "worse" than never getting enough and always living in a state of sacrifice and discomfort. Instinctively, most will say that it's better to have more and be in a state of fulfilment or seeking the next adventure, rather than seeing all these things you really want but you can never have. Just because most people live in a state of constant deprivation doesn't necessarily make it "better" or more moral from a parenting perspective.

As many have said here, based on personal observations of very wealthy people, most turned out totally fine. I know someone who loves to spend a lot of money on his hobbies, which is basically the same as "spoiling" a child and buying them everything as soon as they find a new interest. Whenever he gets into something, he buys himself the entire set of gadgetry, top of the range equipment, accessories, educational trips or courses etc. He's obviously not a professional in terms of skill but loves playing with the priciest gadgets on the market. However it's his own money so who's to judge? I presume he also grew up like that where every interest was fulfilled by the parents and kids were encouraged to go deep into different hobbies. As a person, he's totally normal and fun, and not some sort of "monster" just because he likes purchasing expensive material goods for himself.

I wasn’t rich but I went to a grammar school where children were bussed in from a few very well off areas.

It looked glorious. They would talk about safaris and skiing and I’d only been on two, shitty caravan holidays in my life (I didn’t even set foot on a plane until I was 28 🤣).

They could afford the uniform and supplies and didn’t get in trouble like I did for not having the correct equipment and supplies for art and DT.

They could go school trips while I didn’t even mention them to my widowed father -
he would have felt terrible
that he couldn’t afford to send me (we weren’t on any benefits so got no concessions, not even sure they would have existed in a school like that in the mid 90s anyway), and he was already mentally ill after the death of my mother so I didn’t need to make him feel worse.

They could buy lunch while I had a single sandwich with a bit of wafer thin ham.

They could still go to school on non uniform days - I had to skive as I had no clothes really, just the cheap tracksuits that would have had me bullied and laughed at so it wasn’t worth it.

Their lives just always seemed so much easier and less stressful than mine.

So while you’d say I got into the same selective school, I had the same opportunities as them, I really, really didn’t due to my home life.

Believe what you like but the educated rich do not even think about Disneyland.

This post resonates a lot. I grew up in a relatively deprived northern town so my 'rich' friends weren't particularly rich but they were to me. I remember just wanting branded products like my friends houses had - Nescafé and Colgate and a proper Head bag, rather than stuff off the market.

DH's growing up poor issue vis a vis the children was school trips. He used to hide the letters.

I had to be really rigorous about educational trips when offered, including sports and music tours and one "fun" trip every other year - ski-ing, etc. The biggie was the trip to the Galapogos Islands, at £3,900 which he picked up and signed. DS just quietly said "dad, have you gone bonkers, that's mental and everyone else thinks it is too".

Fortunately, DH thinks everyrhing's wonderful and dosnn't find faults with hotels/restaurants because his bar was very low. I do though, particularly around service, so I think that's more to do with nature.

Our DC have a lot and were probably middling at their v expensive schools. They have trust funds and no student debt but are fairly humble in outlook, nice to people and think about spending/excess. DS is a saver; DD a spender, but not stupidly so. They are aware of their privilege and work very hard and keep their means pretty dark.

We aren't driver and chopper territory. The DC have homes and were bought starter cars but very modest ones. They aren't monsters at all and aren't entitled either.

I grew up incredibly privileged and I can’t lie, I thought it was bloody marvellous. I feel so lucky in that I feel like I had a golden childhood with the most spectacular memories.

That said, I had minimal to no financial awareness, and when I was left to my own devices tore through cash like no tomorrow always expecting someone to bail me out. It’s taken years to get to a situation where I feel even vaguely financially secure without relying on family.

I feel bad that my children probably won’t get to experience the same things I did, but they are a lot more financially savvy than I ever was, and are working their arses off for a good career rather than relying on handouts like I did.

A question - do you think that peoplr should be extremely rich, while others suffer? This is not aimed at you personally, more a general question.

Do rich people feel that they have any obligation to help poorer people?

When i was at school, I was poor, and I had a wealthy friend.

She never seemed to think that she was rich because of luck. She would always get defensive and say "we are rich because my parents worked hard".

I said to her "its nothing to do with working hard. Its pure luck in a lot of circumstances. And inherited wealth in other circumsntances.

Many poor families work hard. " I told her that my dad had left my family, refused to pay maintenence to my mother and so we were poor. My mum worked hard, but we were still poor.

No, I don’t. But again, I think I was quite lucky in that my family were always very conscious and grateful of the position they were in financially, as they didn’t grow up wealthy themselves? And they were also fully aware that it was a hell of a lot of luck, going into a particular industry at the right time etc. They also gave A LOT to charity, and that was drummed into us from an early age as well, and something that has stuck with me. So yeah, I think there should be an expectation to help those in a worse situation than you. My dad in particular would lose his shit when heard another story about extremely rich tax dodgers leaving the country.

'rich' is relative. There will always be ppl richer and less well off than yourself.
As long as your kids are brought up to appreciate their opportunities and experiences, not to be envious or look down on those ppl, then it's all good.

I suppose I see your point but anyone who treats breaking an iPad the same as breaking a mug is nit going to be a very respectful person.

I grew up pretty poor but most of my friends were the same so I didn’t really notice and had a magical childhood.

I do have some friends from wealthy backgrounds and the thing that sticks out is that they have a relaxed, calmness about them. They can focus on doing what they want to do and not do anything because of money. They don’t have to make the kind of financial decisions that most of us have to.

Sadly, I do think it’s becoming harder and harder for kids from poorer backgrounds to get on in life. If you look at the film and music industry, it’s pretty much all rich nepo kids now. Some even pretend to have come from a poor background but they have no idea.

My family was ‘comfortable’ ‘ I thought. DF had a good job with an oil company and we lived in Kuwait from when I was a baby until I was 17.
(After the 2nd world war there were many opportunities for Brits to work abroad and lots did exactly that. At boarding school many of the girls had parents who worked iin the Mid and Far East as well as in Europe and Africa.)
Life in Kuwait in an oil company town was good. Money was never a serious worry although they sometimes had more month than cash. (They just liked to spend it - i was quite familiar with the term ‘overdrawn’ as a child.)
We had servants (!) a cook, an ayah/nanny and a ‘’houseboy’ although not all at the same time. My DF had a new car every three uears or so, often bought in Europe on one of our holidays where we’d fly in from Kuwait, pick up a car in Rome or Frankfurt and drive to London where we’d stay for a month or so. Then he’d have the car shipped back to Kuwait.
We had holidays in Beirut when it was a lively, glamorous city, Plus Athens, Rome, Frankfurt, Amsterdam and Copenhagen.
it wasn’t until I was writing this down that I realised exactly how privileged it sounds.
On the downside my brother and I were packed off to boarding school in England when he was 8 and I was 11. Not so good, a huge culture shock and I was quite unhappy.
But I did OK academically and got to university at a time when less than 10 percent of school leavers did.

@SnappyNavyWriter you don’t seem like the sort of person who Leonora would invite to her birthday party, did you actually go or are you talking nonsense? 🤣

you don’t seem the sort of person who would know anything about my life, or Leonora’s for that matter! I did indeed, my parents too! I also went to her wedding, she came to mine, our families shoot together, and socialise a lot when her parents are back from Mallorca.

Why on earth would you post such vile things about Leonora if she’s such a good friend of yours and your parents are friends with hers? It doesn’t add up! I believe her party was nearest and dearest only.

I have two friends who grew up rich (me - think free school meals, disabled parents type poor!) My friends (think nannies, v. large inheritances type rich). They are lovely and didn’t always have a good time growing up, so I don’t envy them in terms of emotional family connections, but they ooze confidence in a way that intimidates me, tbh. They don’t even realise they do it. I could never learn that confidence.

@SnappyNavyWriter you are either a very unpleasant person, or completely delusional, I would urge other people to take whatever you say with a bucket of salt 🤣