Struggling with a friendship over values and politics

[Firmoo]

I’m feeling a bit stuck and wondered how others would see this.

I’ve got a friend who I’ve known for a while through playgroups when both our kids were younger, but recently I’m finding myself questioning whether I can stay close to her.

She’s very open about planning to vote Reform in the local elections today.
She isn’t currently working and receives benefits, including DLA for her son. She has previously said to me that she may have exaggerated aspects of his difficulties, and from what I’ve seen there doesn’t seem to be any clearly diagnosed disability. What also makes things tricky is that she seems quite uncomfortable with the idea that he might be neurodiverse at all, which is something that comes up in contrast to my own son.

Her DP is officially registered as her carer and receives carer’s allowance, but I’m also aware he does informal cash-in-hand work alongside this.

I’m not trying to judge anyone’s situation as I know life can be complicated, and I don’t know all the details. But I’m struggling with the mix of things she says and does, and I’m finding it harder to reconcile that with staying close friends.

I suppose I’m just wondering whether others would see this as a reason to step back from a friendship, or whether I’m overthinking it and should try to separate politics and personal relationships more?

I really don’t know how to respond to some things she says to me.

Politics wouldn't necessarily make me step back - we're all allowed different views and its good to surround ourselves with differences.

However her being a scammer that I'm paying for - no I couldn't be friends with her. And yes I'd judge her.

Why are you trying to remain friends with someone you don't really like?

Will she be happy to lose her benefits if Reform gets in? I wouldn't be friends with her, she doesn't sound very bright tbh.

I've got a mate who is a Reform supporter.

We agreed not to talk politics but concentrate on sport, pets and other things that we have in common

Works fine - he's a good guy and I wouldn't not want to be friends with him just because of our opposing political views.

I don't talk politics with friends or colleagues.

Rightly or wrongly, I was raised to believe discussing politics or money in a social setting was obnoxious.

But how are they your friends? What do you relate to them over? Do you just discuss the weather? Literature? Music? Other people? … but then once you discuss other people then politics will seep in. You’re friendships must be extremely superficial

Has anyone actually fallen for this rage-bait nonsense? Shame on you, OP.

Sorry just to clarify, is this meant to be one of the gazillion threads implying benefits claimants are all cheating scroungers or is it one of the other gazillion threads suggesting that voters for $NOTMYPARTY are all thick?

Sadly it’s not rage bait.

See, that is a strange viewpoint to me. Yes, all those things you listed and many more (A.I, physics and the new Harry Potter series mainly at work at the moment as an example).

There are so many things to talk about that aren't politics?

It must be boring to link your identity and revolve your conversations around a political party.

I suppose it depends what you mean by political? I don’t generally discuss much to do with political parties with anyone except a couple of very close friends, but I would see discussions of science and technology issues such as AI and climate change as being political, just ‘small p political’. Ditto problems with social care, SEN provision, CoL crisis, changing weather patterns affecting crops around the world and making things we like to eat more expensive, the local traffic issues, what’s happening with local schools, the anti-social behaviour in the local park - it’s all political!

This. I wonder if those people receiving benefits, and voting reform, will be happy with the overhaul of benefits, that will no doubt happen under their watch, and will not be in their favour.

Sounds like she would be happier without a friend like you sneering at her.

I don't understand this at all
There's 1 million things to talk about that aren't politics

And if you're going to get to know somebody on a really deep level, politics might not even come into it

Some people don't even vote

Actually, that's quite a high number thinking about it

i've known my closest friend for 25 years and it's vanishingly rare for us to discuss politics

Turkey voting for Christmas springs to mind. What does she think Farage thinks about people in her situation?? She sounds very stupid.

(I’m not saying every Reform voter is stupid, before anyone shouts at me. But a Reform voter who doesn’t work, and who has a child on DLA with what sounds like an invisible disability of the kind openly sneered at by people like Tice?)

I don’t know, but I sympathise.

I have a very dear friend who is 14/15 years older than me, so 80. She has always lived in the same part of London and increasingly talks about the number of black families there. I hate this. She says that she doesn’t like the way her town has changed.

This is so foreign to me that I’m completely nonplussed. There is no way I’m giving up this friendship and there is no way I’m going to agree with her. Nor do I seek to persuade her, because that’s her view based on what she sees and she’s sticking to it. She knows that society is changing and she doesn’t like it.

Nevertheless, each time she says this my stomach twist inside. I’m very fond of her children, especially her son, who has had a lot of problems in his life. I was absolutely horrified, to see recently that a few years ago he stood as a Reform candidate for his local council. This was just after we’ve had a very pleasant lunch together and had I gone home and was curious about his business interests, which are very respectable and which he works hard at. Perhaps my horror was an overreaction, I don’t know.

That family has opinions about some things that different from mine, but they are part of my life, have supported me at difficult times, and I try to find a line between not agreeing and outright arguing. She knows my views are the opposite of hers.

I remember a time when politics was for older, retired men who debated it over chess and whiskey. We were all glad they had something to talk about while we lived in the real world.

I miss those days.

I couldn’t be friends with a scammer no matter who they voted for. For me that’s the issue.

Yet you chose to post in AIBU, with a remarkably stereotypical story.

@Locutus2000
i don’t know what to tell you other than, it’s not rage bait and it’s not made up.

Since when did having different opinions mean you can’t be friends with someone. My Mum and Dad spent fifty happy years with completely different political views. Many of my friends are through and through SNP supporters, I mean cut them open like a stick of rock and it would say SNP!! That’s there choice not mine. We live in a democracy that’s the whole point people can have completely different political view. Since when can you only be friends with people if they are in your own political tribe. If you said this about colour or religion then you would be called a bigot!! Very narrow minded!!

why are you having such heavy conversations. I never talk about politics with friends Just keep it light . Tell a joke. Funny story.Honestly how do people get bogged down by all this .

Confusing politics with party politics. Almost everything is political.

Why are you not able to respect that other people have political views that are different from yours?

@Firmoo So she's scamming disability for herself and her son while her dh gets paid in hand so they prob get UC top ups as well. And she thinks benefits Britain is just foreigners coming over getting benefits? Lovely.