Asking friend to reschedule our day out because she said she’ll have to bring her child

[Marshmallows1302]

I’m a mum to 2 small children, friend has 1 small child. This weekend we planned a childfree afternoon out, but her DP has forgotten and apparently booked something in. She now said she’ll have to bring her little one along.

AIBU to cancel and ask to reschedule and go and enjoy a nice afternoon out childfree by myself? This isn’t the first time her DP has done this

Fair enough but I have to say, you're a better person than me. If my friend wanted to keep bringing her kids I'm afraid it would be soft plays and quick catch-ups only until she was out of the trenches.

I wouldn't want to leave my children to spend time with someone else's. I at least like my own!

It's absolutely fine to say no to child coming per the original arrangement. And if friend cannot work it out to come alone after that, it's perfectly reasonable for you to (1) suggest cancelling the plans and going another time and (2) going alone if you want.

But I also wondered if there might be something unusual going on here that you as a friend might be concerned about because what your friend has told you - she made arrangements for the child's father to care for the child alone for x period of time but he forgot and made his own plan expecting (but never asking) HER to care for the child alone during that time - makes no sense. A PP suggested that the friend really wants to bring her child and is making the story up, but does that really seem likely? (Why not just arrange an outing with you AND both sets of children and leave you to do a childfree outing with someone else if she doesn't fancy it?) I think it's much more likely that she's afraid to say no to her partner even when he is being ridiculous. I'd worry that there might be control/abuse going on.

YANBU I agree with everyone else, you don’t arrange childcare for your own kids to then spend the afternoon with someone else’s.

I'd have sent her a laughing emoji..

Her husband should be rescheduling. She had you booked in first. Or HE can bring g the kid wherever he's going

I definitely had friends who actually didn’t want to leave their child behind (particularly a first/only) to meet another friend. This could be for reasons of anxiety, for example, or just that she’s not prepared to put friends over time with her child.

So I’d just be aware of that - everyone else seems to be assuming it’s all the fault of an evil DP! She may be using his unavailability as an excuse

Do it..reschedule. The whole premise is a child free day.
The end.

YANBU.

Why isn’t her DP who forgot and double booked changing his plans to look after the child??

Since her DP messed up ask her to tell her DP he has to take the child with him

I would bet money that DP has 'booked' something in he's paid for already OR its based around drinking and therefore the discussion has been 'well you can take yours with you, I can't'

Absolutely not unreasonable to say 'That's such a shame but I was really looking forward to some child free time so I don't want to spend the afternoon with someone elses kid however cute he is'
then only you know your friend so, if it was one of my best friends I'd add on 'so tell DP we booked first - whats he doing that he thinks is more important than you having some child free time?'

But if you aren't that honest with each other I'd just wrap upby saying 'I think you two need to get a shared calendar like me and my DH have as this keeps happening. Hopefully we get a catch up soon xx'

Let us know what you did OP!