Asking friend to reschedule our day out because she said she’ll have to bring her child

[Marshmallows1302]

I’m a mum to 2 small children, friend has 1 small child. This weekend we planned a childfree afternoon out, but her DP has forgotten and apparently booked something in. She now said she’ll have to bring her little one along.

AIBU to cancel and ask to reschedule and go and enjoy a nice afternoon out childfree by myself? This isn’t the first time her DP has done this

Yes, cancel. Her issues with her partner not listening to her plans aren’t your problem. Tell her you’re looking forward or a child free day so will rearrange once she confirms dates with her partner for childcare.

Reschedule and say why.

100% voting, impressive. No thanks to other people's children. I would say "let's reschedule for when you're free" and she will hopefully get the message.

Cancel. Tell her you need child free time and you'll meet up when that's possible.

Does she make plans that her husband books over often?

but her DP has forgotten and apparently booked something in

Why does that automatically mean your friend's plans are modified, if they both agree hers were booked first?

Definitely reschedule!!

Her DP is doing this on purpose and friend needs to miss out to realise it.

I would be asking why his plans take priority but I’m sure he’ll come up with some excuse about it already being said for, to do with work, once in a lifetime etc and swear that she’s free to go out any other time.

My friend had a DP like this.
In the end we fell out over it as I’d pay a babysitter and then she’d let me down last minute. It happened a few times and then I refused to make any other plans with her.
Her DP was controlling but my friend was the one who let me down.

Absolutely not unreasonable at all…….i don’t care how well behaved my friends kids are, if we’ve arranged a child free event then it is just that……child free!

OK who is that 1% who thinks OP is unreasonable??

It might be that they think she’s unreasonable for not telling her friend this has been planned forever, and that her husband needs to cancel his plans so the childfree outing can go ahead as planned, I suppose?

People often say they vote the 'opposite way' when they feel someone has asked a silly question.

Maybe it's that?

definitely reschedule. For a time when you both are child free ! Nothing worse than looking forward to a child free day … then having a child there.

No her DP can bring the child with him or cancel

The only time I would be lenient if it’s a single mum who had arranged childcare and they let her down last min. This isn’t the case.

I would cancel but also I would be sympathetic to her and I think I would try to talk to about her unpleasant partner who tries to sabotage her social life.

Reschedule. Potentially saying 'mine will be upset if they know X got to come out and they didn't, I couldn't do that to them'.

Friend will just say that’s fine bring your kids too 🤣

Reschedule definitely.

BUT. It’s highly likely that the person who needs to be posting is your friend about her partner. Unless there’s a reason his plans delivered late trump hers?

Not unreasonable to stick to your childfree afternoon. But, I would check in with the friend. 'Accidentally' messing up your partners plans with their friends is a great way to isolate them.

please point out to her that her OH is a cunt

I think it depends on how much you care about your friend and why this is happening repeatedly.

Yes it's annoying especially if you've sourced childcare but let's be real, lots of men do this purposefully to isolate their wives and if this is a pattern then I'd be concerned about that.

If its a one off then fair enough reschedule, but if it happens frequently then I'd go with it for the sake of your friendship and I'd be asking if she's OK. I'd probably tell her that you want child free time with her though so she knows you do actually mind.

As you say it isn't the first time she has done this, she sounds like one of these women who has to take her kid/s everywhere to prove that some man has shagged her!!! Even married women do this, Lord knows why.

I’d just say “no worries shall we rearrange then? I’m free ….”

Agree with this.

People - multiple people - have said that this is a reason for having a child present with them in public?
Really?

Do explain the logic of this.