AIBU to be upset that family members thought it funny to frighten my son and film it?

[Mrsknowitall]

If you saw a video of your child running down the road hysterically crying and screaming and adults aged between 27-30 laughing, filming and screaming out RUUUUN (because they had been playing knock down ginger) how would you react? He thought he had people running after them.
me and dh was away for the weekend and left our children with my daughter (younger child 8 stayed with my parents) but then went to stay with dd on the Sunday, younger one is autistic and our ds 10 I suspect has something there too. It was my 10yo that was hysterical but they seemed to find it oh so funny to see him in such a state and I’ve now been made to feel like I have over reacted at seeing my child in distress after leaving them with family that I love and trust to look after him. There has been a massive fall out as my mum has tried to defend the adults and make excuses for them, they haven’t been told that it was out of order and you shouldn’t scare kids like that and I have had no apology at all, had they of taken accountability for it and said actually watching that video it does look really bad and I’m so sorry for upsetting him then I would be able to move on from it, but nothing, in fact my daughter sent me a message telling me I was out of order for arguing with my mum for defending them. My mum seems to think it will all blow over but without them seeing what they actually did wrong I don’t think I can move on from it. I trusted these people and they have completely broken that trust now. Have I overreacted? Is that something loving family members find amusing? To see a little boy so distressed and laugh and carry it on making it worse? Just to add it was my dd, dn and their partners. Sorry if I’m not making much sense I’ve hardly slept for 2 nights. We are a very close family so this fall out has hit me hard.

There was an awful video circulating last year of a child - perhaps about 4 or 5. The mother and grandmother are playing’a game’ with him. They blindfold him and then they get an orange with the centre poked through and filled with melted chocolate. They get the kid to put his finger in the orange. Then they grabbed the dog and held him up backside in the kids direction, so he thought he’d put his finger in the dogs arse. He was inconsolable. It was so distressing. But get this. The family posted in on social media and then a news agency bought it and the a newspaper website published it on their site. Imagine ALL of those adults thinking this paedophile/ bestiality adjacent video was OK. I hope that little one is doing alright.

There was an awful video circulating last year of a child - perhaps about 4 or 5. The mother and grandmother are playing’a game’ with him. They blindfold him and then they get an orange with the centre poked through and filled with melted chocolate. They get the kid to put his finger in the orange. Then they grabbed the dog and held him up backside in the kids direction, so he thought he’d put his finger in the dogs arse. He was inconsolable. It was so distressing. But get this. The family posted in on social media and then a news agency bought it and the a newspaper website published it on their site. Imagine ALL of those adults thinking this l video was OK. I hope that little one is doing alright.

I'm not sure I understand your post. You're surely not blaming him, are you? Given that the whole thing distressed him, I'm not sure that FAFO was a lesson he needed to learn.

Is there jealousy at play here?
There is a big age difference so guessing you were young when you had DD. Did your mum help raise her - is that why she is taking her side?
Does your DD see you with your kids now when you are older, in a stable relationship and being more 'present'
Just want to add, I hope this doesn't sound judgemental or suggest you weren't a great mum to her - just wondering how she can treat her brothers this way

@TheOccupier

From how the OP described it, it sounds like the distressed son wasn't actually involved in the game and that it was just the adults doing it. Incredibly immature of them.

Your Mum is just trying to keep the peace. Totally wrong of her, obviously. She should be standing up for your son.

Your DD and DN both need to understand that they have showed their immaturity and cruelty in both finding the fear of a child so amusing and their defensive reaction to your questioning.

Let them know this and that you will never allow them to care for the children again as they cannot be trusted.

I would steer clear of the lot of them until they turn up with apologies.

@ButterYellowFlowers

It wasn't the adults playing knock down ginger in itself that distressed him - at least not from how I read the OP's post. It was the fact that they pretended the boy was being chased by angry adults. The boy clearly thought he was in a lot of trouble.

How long was the video? And was it just a case of them all shouting RUN! And him then becoming distressed in all the chaos? I wouldn't necessarily fall out with them over it, he does sound very sensitive, it doesn't sound like the objective was to upset him, they weren't pranking him they were all in on the prank and he got upset during it. I wouldn't necessarily fall out with them over it.

Most practical jokers are.

Me too
I’d report to social services or the olive if someone - family or not - did that to my children
I’d be livid!

Sorry op. Yanbu about how it was wrong for the adults to frighten your young kids.

But
YABVU to describe your (adult) child as your ‘family support’. Find a babysitter and let your adult daughter live her life - you should be helping her, not the other way around.

This is nothing to do with your son being ND or otherwise, his fear reaction is what any child would have coming from a normal, stable household finding himself among a bunch of fucking chavs who can't be trusted to water a plant let alone be in charge of a child.

It's not just the fact he was upset, it's the multiple things for me.

I wouldn't want adults encouraging my child to do something which is objectively bad behaviour (annoying to the person whose door you knock on) Just WTAF even to this in the first place. I can't understand this at all. To me it's like sending your child to a babysitter and the babysitter is giving them cigarettes and teaching them to swear. That's not a person I want influencing my child!

I wouldn't want adults encouraging my child to do something he's incredibly uncomfortable with that he doesn't have to do or doesn't have a very good reason. If you think this is a harmless prank then replace it with a hypothetical idea that child is uncomfortable with and adult insists. Trying alcohol? Giving a kiss goodbye to a relative? Sitting on strange adult's lap? Watching an 18 rated scary film? Taking a physical risk e.g. jumping from a high place where they could get injured? Many people would be upset about their child being forced/encouraged to do these things against their will. Participating in a prank makes the list for me.

I would be very upset to find any adult laughing at my child's distress instead of helping them. Yes sometimes a small child's upset or confusion or even accidental minor injury can be funny but you help first and laugh later. The fact this is a 10yo just makes it worse. It can be funny when a 2yo is having a totally irrational tantrum. But 10 year olds don't get upset for no reason. It would seriously dent my trust in their ability to keep him safe because they don't seem to believe him when he's telling them he's scared and because they are leading him to believe that there are dangers when there are not, even if they did that accidentally.

Lastly even if you think the prank is harmless/funny and they thought he would understand it was a joke and not be scared and they were surprised by his response and a bit giddy, it is completely out of order not to change tack once you realise that he was genuinely frightened, apologise and explain the situation to him.

There are so many levels to this.

1- knock knock ginger is cruel to the initial victims who are the householders. Old people, parents with babies, anxious people, people grieving, people sleeping, night shift workers, people just going about their business and not wanting to be the sport of others- it’s a game that gives no thought or care to community or people or neighbors. Selfish twat game in other words. (Usually played by children without the faculty to consider the wider social issues)

2- Grown adults “playing” it with the added “benefit” of terrifying children and or taking delight in the involuntary expletives of a disabled child?! Dear lord that takes some brass neck don’t it?

3- those adults are in loco parentis, supposedly “love” these children who (in addition to their unwilling neighbors) they have decided to make sport of for their amusement? Coupled with the doubling down of this right to laugh at , and not with, children, minors, their family /siblings (!) and refusal to accept any accountability for their actions? Adults, even when they thought they were right in the moment, acknowledge the harms they may have unintentionally caused, and apologise accordingly. They don’t make sport of children and the disabled unless they really are shit imo.

4- the recording of their sport for the enjoyment of public consumption of said video presumably for likes and shares, without the consent (and in open disregard of parental consent) of the minors or the neighbors who play victim in these adults “games”? How can they, the whole lot of them, defend this catalogue of actions?

op YANBU and I am so sorry for you. It must hurt so deeply to be so let down, so misunderstood in your position and having so misunderstood who you thought they were, what a devastating series of events for you. Hold your children tightly and take time to come to terms with the implications of all that has unfolded here.

YANBU.

Adults playing pranks on a child which leave the child hysterical and terrified is completely unacceptable. And filming that distress seems borderline psychopathic!

I can't understand how anyone thought this was okay

No, abuse, whether physical, sexual, or emotional, is not ok.
Too many people act as if boys have no right to have feelings, and have to be "tough" all the time. That's not fair to them, and potentially dangerous for women in the future. I wouldn't let these people be alone with my kids and I would tell them you're passing this on to the police before they physically harm any other children.

She’s just been to Thailand for 3 weeks, I’ve been to her place to feed her cat every night and cleaning it so it was lovely for them to come home to, I’m there for her in a heartbeat, she hasn’t had her brothers stay over with her in over a year, as I don’t see them as her responsibility, when I say family support I don’t mean child care, I mean i have not heard from anyone apart from my mum since this happened and now feel alone in all of this.

Very well said.

This @Mrsknowitall. Now try to get on with your day knowing you had every right to call them out.

They are a disgrace. I would be so angry about this I would have nothing to do with any of them. They sound deranged.

Your poor child. What a horrendous experience. Your daughter is a disgrace, as are the other adults involved.
Perhaps you need to show the video to safeguarding at your childs school to see what they think.
I wouldn't ever trust them again.
Your mother is a disgrace defending them.
OP, normal families do not behave like this. Sick, twisted, evil people like terrifying children.

No way would I ever go near the people again, family or no family. Your chin will remember this forever and could give him some problems later on in life.
It's cruel and not what we should be teaching kids to do stuff like this. To be blunt your son was being bullied by adults
Do not interact with them. Son 1st

This could even be a police involvement event.

Dreadful people and you say that they have children themselves, l would not trust them with a dog never mind a child.
How can your daughter entertain that, were they all drunk/on drugs indefensible l could not forgive that. Your poor son.

Furious on your behalf OP. Poor kid.

They were cruel and abusive and if your niece does not mind if you were to scare her children, she's not fit to be a mother and l would be really concerned about her children.