The only way to overcome anxiety is through exposure

[Passaggressfedup]

I recently overcome a massive anxiety of mine. I feel so liberated and proud. It has made me think of the other significant anxiety triggers I experienced in life and concluded that all have been overcome through regular, controlled exposure over time.

I read so many thread about children or young people experiencing anxiety, where the parent has opted to take the child away from the situation thinking it is what's best for them.

I appreciate that there was some specific instances where removal is the for the best, but aren't we, as a society, making things worse by not helping our children to face their fear so that they can not only gradually get over that particular fear, but also learn to build that sense of resilience, pride and positivity that comes with it?

Sadly posters today seem to not want to read a post properly, get right royally offended and argue! I guess being a bank holiday they’re cooped up with their appalling husbands who are in for it next!!!

“I'm here, reading posts. I just won't engage with posts attacking me and defending myself.“

Ah so you start an inflammatory, incorrect and ignorant thread and won’t respond to others calling you out on it even though you have attacked and belittled others who struggle with a debilitating condition.

Except the exact opposite has happened. People pulling the OP up have read the post & others seem to be responding based on what they think the OP must have meant, rather than what was actually written.

I don’t have a husband and my other half doesn’t live with me.

The post I was quoting became detached from my reply, but I was replying to @Achi11ia who had misunderstood @WinterBlues26 post at 10:16

Honestly this thread had so many parallel side-arguments on it, it is pretty difficult to follow.

I get snapped at and ĺooked at like I have two heads when I suggest this to owners of anxious dogs.

I’m not sure why you assumed my comment was directed at you? I’d already apologised further up and acknowledged that you of all people have an absolute right to anxiety based on your past trauma!

I've become increasingly sceptical of the views of the various professional therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists working in the last few years. Because whatever it is they are saying/doing... its not working!
Instead we have:

• more and more kids diagnosed
• more and more kids requiring therapies
• more and more kids school refusing
• more and more young people "failing to launch"
• more and more people unable to work

I'm unconvinced that a lot of what is recommended by psychologists and psychiatrists is leading to proven better outcomes. We are spending more and more on treatments and medication but not seeing reductions in serious mental health problems. I suspect in reality the increase in mental health problems is lining the pockets of a lot of these specialists.

Where I live private psychologists have incredibly high diagnosis rates of things like ASD and ADHD. Pretty much everyone who attends their clinics comes away with a diagnosis, and lots of leading experts have come out and questioned whether the diagnostic criteria have become so broad as to no longer be useful.

What incentive is there for these professionals to push for more specific diagnostic criteria? None - if they did that there would be less demand for their services. To be clear i do not doubt that these professionals have best intentions, they want people who are struggling to receive support, but is it really helping?

Autism and adhd are under diagnosed in this country and the diagnosis process which is robust with a high bar has zilch to do with this thread.

Access to treatment is based on need not
diagnosis and even when diagnosed most don’t get anything. Those accessing any treatment are reducing not increasing.

Technically ASD and ADHD are not mental health issues/disorders.

They are developmental as in they are present throughout life.

in many areas cahms will not accept refferals if a child has autism or adhd as the therapies considered appropriate for an NT child are rarely effective with an ND child.

Anxiety is very complex, it depends what it’s about, what’s caused it etc. I’ve had anxiety and depression for over 25 years (diagnosed at 19) and while CBT was useful, medication has been the life changer for me. But I was always “functional” in the sense I got up in a morning, went to work etc. I’ve had “moderate” depression and anxiety but never extreme.

It can be counterproductive, it depends on the circumstances. With social anxiety, for example, exposing yourself to a huge group of arseholes won’t help. Generally it’s best to ease yourself in and if you need to have someone with you for support then do that. I agree it’s the only real way through though. Even with CBT (which I personally didn’t find effective), they set weekly challenges to socialise or get outside bit by bit for agoraphobia.

The idea that CBT approaches do not work for people with ASD is increasingly being touted despite there actually being plenty of evidence to the contrary. Some adaptations are required but the basic approach has been shown to work.

I am a bit sick of people influencing others to believe that it won’t so that they don’t even try. CBT is what is available on the NHS and the UK gov has no interest in investing to change that so it’s pretty crap to put people with no money off the only
intervention they are likely to actually get.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/39805042/

And again much of the confusion on this thread is because anxiety is a symptom and not a disorder as it is often spoken of. Obviously the treatment of ‘anxiety’ due to PTSD is not the same as for a phobia or GAD.

For the person who asked about exposure in GAD this requires more of the C bit of CBT ie cognitive restructuring and the exposure is more mental eg learning to tolerate uncertainty in general.

Even therapy for PTSD is exposure in a way but obviously not to the trauma itself rather to the memory so that it can be processed. I have had CBT and EMDR for PTSD myself and it was effective in combination with medication. My money is where my mouth is.

Combined with medication, sure. But depending on the level and intensity of the anxiety, exposure might be completely useless on its one. I spent all my life constantly exposing myself to all the things that caused me debilitating anxiety, and I saw almost zero improvement until I combined the exposure with medication. Agreed that hiding away is not helpful.

Unfortunately, if your child is Autistic and they are referred to CAMHS because they are anxious, suicidal and self harming (for instance) then CAMHS will tell you themselves that CBT might not work for your autistic child and they need to do further assessments to decide if it will work.
If they are unable to offer CBT to your child then they will be taken off the 'list ' and that's it.

The problem is that all CAMHS seem to offer is CBT. But as is evidenced on this thread, CBT doesn't always work.
This is my lived experience with my son.

Interestingly I am under NHS pain clinic and one of the book they recommend actually suggests you do avoid situations that you think might trigger your pain or make you feel trapped with your pain because that can make you anxious and anxiety makes you perceive pain in an amplified way. Might be a bit different with pain but interesting.

I do think we should be more open about our anxieties. I noticed how I mentioned my phobia but didn't say what it was for fear of judgement. If we were all a bit more open it might lead to people learning from each other. For example I used to have a fear of lifts (not my main phobia) that came about after child birth. I used a lift with glass surrounds and for some reason this altered my view of lifts and now I am fine. I shared this with a couple of women I met recently who couldn't get into a lift. It might help them.

In most cases camhs are not even accepting referrals when a child is awaiting neurodevelopmental assessment - which can be up to 5 years. And this is despite children not eating, not sleeping, hearing voices and using suicidal language. I know this having battled the system on my dd's behalf.

Alternatively, you are just full of crap with your cod-psychological 'just do it!' bullshit.

I think it is showing that this subject of discussion is triggering a defensiveness response.

This is really true

I think there is so much pressure on young people to succeed, to be rich, smart, look great, have lots of friends and 'followers'. My daughter is year 5 and there is a divide between the 'old fashioned' parents who don't give heir children phones but then also don't seem to allow their children independence such as walking themselves to school as 'its not safe without a phone'. These children are I think from observation, happier, more playful and kinder to each other, but possibly less resilient as living in a protective bubble. And those who have phones, and all the apps, and talk about skincare etc and behave much older than they actually are, but who are probably better at looking after themselves.

There seems to be no 3rd option. My daughter and most of her friends are in the first group, but when I mentioned letting her walk the 5 mins to school, or playing out with a friend on the green at the end of the road without am adult, the parents looked horrified.

We seem to be either babying or adulting our children, in the name of 'protection against some not quite known threat' or 'preparation for real life' . No wonder they are confused and anxious, they don't quite know where they 'fit' or how they are expected to behave.

Covid fed into that, one minute they are expected to be at school every day because 'school is important and you need a teacher to learn' and then it's 'stay at home and teach yourself'. It's 'listen to adults as they know best' and 'learn to think for yourself'. As adults we can balance 2 apparently contradictory statements as potentially both being true at same time. But children often can't do that. So they see confusion and contradiction, lose trust and feel lost.

I think the push to remove mobiles from schools is great. But one school near us has pre empted that and banned them from the school grounds already and the parents are in uproar, threatening to remove their daughters from an excellent school because of their own fears. Fear which then passes onto their children, and perpetuates a cycle of anxiety

No I don't think this always works. My DD has a GAD diagnosis which means her baseline anxiety is very high, she just feels anxious a lot of the time. So there's no trigger to use gradual exposure with. Medication has helped though.

Also if anxiety is related to sensory processing issues then accommodations are recommended, not exposure.

Also something like EMDR could be very effective if it's trauma related.

Some things that make my son anxious cause him to be so distressed it causes behaviours that are a danger to himself and others. I wonder if you are willing to put yourself in the firing line in the aim of exposure.

There was a lad in a class I taught a couple of years ago with severe anxiety, and I completely agree.

He was in Year 6, no learning issues, just anxiety. He permanently had ear defenders on, a couple of fidgets and a chewy necklace. Wouldn't even go into assembly.

It's a big old world out there, and while I get that some kids are shy, and can be natural worriers, a lot would be improved by some tough love and some jollying along. Pandering and hand-wringing won't do them any favours long term.

As for this particular boy, he went off to a mainstream school. We lost track of him after that, so no idea how it went. I can only imagine, badly.

Why is my idea stupid? I'm telling you how I cope with anxiety and you're telling me it's not anxiety. You have no idea what the thing that's causing me anxiety is but have chosen to diminish it and determining it's not anxiety. Thanks.

I recently overcome a massive anxiety of mine. I feel so liberated and proud. It has made me think of the other significant anxiety triggers I experienced in life and concluded that all have been overcome through regular, controlled exposure over time.

Totally agree with you @Passaggressfedup Congratulations! And thank you for posting.

It's human to feel anxious - we shouldn't pathologise it. And the freedom one feels after doing something scary is wonderful! I'm glad you're experiencing that.

I suffered from almost pathological shyness till I was about 25. Luckily, my family were compassionate but didn't pander to my shyness. I was pushed to do things - with support of course, but also told that shyness was just extreme self-absorption & people weren't that interested in me. Tough love! And it's true.

Today, I'd have been pandered to and probably medicated. Told I had "social anxiety" and not much expected of me. And I wouldn't have achieved half of what I've achieved! I would have stayed more shut away, too scared to go outside. It's ridiculous to let fear rule one's life.

I still sometimes have to take a deep breath before walking in to a room of strangers, and I don't particularly like doing it, but I do it and lo and behold! Most people are interesting and friendly when you ask them about themselves and listen to them. Great way to get over shyness (or as it's called nowadays "social anxiety").