To just stop offering DD breakfast and lunch?

[turkishdeelitee]

Because she literally never eats breakfast, just point blank refuses. Also refuses lunch for five out of seven days a week. She does eat an OK dinner if it’s something she likes. I’m fed up and worried. She’s nearly 3.

I had one fussy eater. Its hell.
Could you mix it up a bit with breakfast & make homemade pancakes using butter, eggs & full fat milk. I used organic flour to make myself feel better. He loved it with crispy bacon & maple syup or nutella & i happily supplied it as any & all calories were better than none

He lived off penne pasta with loads of butter & parmesan cheese & still asks for that as a strapping teen every now & again

Home made pizza for lunch - get her to put on her own (ham topping)

I added cream, butter etc wherever i could to add calories

Hot chocolate properly made with real chocolate & full fat milk

Tiny sandwiches - anything i could present in a novelty manner that caught his interest

Good luck op its super stressful

Well we don't know because the OP hasn't confirmed if they have sought medical support. However the same approach applies to fussy eater toddlers as it does to those with ARFID allow them food they feel safe eating.

I feel for you OP, but honestly just give her the ham. My son refused everything apart from one particular kind of breakfast cereal for almost a year as a toddler. I tried every trick in the book but he would absolutely have eaten nothing rather than anything he didn’t want. I took him to see our gp out of desperation and she shrugged and said his carry on, he’ll grow out of it. So I did. Now he’s 25, perfectly healthy and eats like a horse. I wish I hadn’t wasted my stress!

When i was small (a long time ago) a boy I played with in my street would only eat a fried egg, chips and beans for his dinner. No other meals. Every single night. I remember him coming over to ours for dinner and my mum cooking it for him.
He was the thinnest child but we went through nursery and school together and occasionally our paths cross in adult life and I can confirm he hasn't continued his eating habits. It did go on a loooooong time though.

If she's a normal weight for her size and not losing weight, let her be.

From what you've said, she eats when she's hungry, it's just not as frequently as the 3 meals a day standard. Some people don't. It's like the opposite of food noise, some people are just not that bothered and take a long time to feel hungry. Not sure why people are surprised that there's the other side of the bell curve to balance the people who are constantly grazing.

Keep offering (easy things or things that you'll eat if she doesn't, no point making things that will likely be wasted), but it just sounds like that's her normal.

As long as you keep an eye out so she's still growing well and not becoming underweight, I would suggest not stressing about it and leaving her be, to eat when she feels hungry.

Where has the op said that her toddler goes 24 hours with no food? Why are people making things up?

I remember watching a documentary about people with limited or disordered eating. There was a man in his late 20s who, since being a young child, has refused to eat anything except cheese and onion crisps, and huge bowls of grated cheddar.

They did loads of medical tests on him and it turned out he was completely healthy, not overweight at all, and deficient in nothing. God knows how, but it was true. It bewildered the scientists as well.

You may find that she will do better at pre-school, when she’s in a group of her friends and they are all eating their lunch, @turkishdeelitee - that was true for my oldest granddaughter.

Her parents could have written your post last year - she hardly seemed to be eating anything, and I know they were worried. But she was still full of energy, and sleeping as well as usual, and seemed perfectly healthy, so they tried to see it as a phase. She is definitely doing better with her food now.

I'd say it's definitely worth getting some professional support, in case it is ARFID. I'm not saying she'd end up on a diet of crisps, ham, and lollies if it is ARFID - but parents of ARFID kids do often end up feeding them less balanced diets than they'd like (ask me how I know 🫠)

Maybe you should read OP's posts instead of accusing people of making things up. It's right there in her OP that she won't eat breakfast and refuses lunch five days out of 7

No. But the advice would be the same.

I’ve worked with children who have extremely limited diets.

It may help to think of ‘healthy diet’ balanced across a month, not a day or even a week. Toddlers do usually end up eating at least some variety across that span and it sounds like she eats an excellent variety at supper times, so really you’re doing fine.

For breakfast and lunch I’d buy the healthiest possible ham and let her eat that, if it’s what she wants.

Try turkey and/or chicken slices too? And offer little bits of other things so see if anything tempts her once she’s bored of ham?

But the crucial thing is that this doesn’t turn into a battle between you. Don’t let food be a stressful thing. If ham’s her thing at the moment, it could be a lot worse.

I haven't read the full thread, so apologies if this has already been suggested, but certain nutritional deficiencies - notably iron deficiency or B vitamis - can cause a decreased apetite. It can be difficult to break out of that cycle without supplementation, so I'd discuss it with your GP. Aversion to meat and generally lack of appetite were the two main symptoms my daughter had with very low iron and ferritin levels, she suddenly decided she's into meat when we had supplemented iron for 2-3 weeks. It's paradoxical that she hated precisely what her body needed, I wouldn't have expected a child who is routinely offered meat to develop a nutritional defficiency, but apparently it's not uncommon.

Let's go slowly... So she eats... Dinner and sometimes lunch and sometimes a bit if other kids are there. Yay, we got there together!

I did this. I used to put a couple of spoonfuls of the cooked meal in one section of one of those divided plates and raw veg (safe ones), cheese/ dry pasta/ rice etc in the rest. Eventually she just started eating the cooked meal without complaining.
I found it good to settle on a meal routine for everyone. So she knows it’s porridge for breakfast/ sandwich and salad for lunch and we only rotate about eight dinners that everyone likes.
I really wanted my dd to eat sir fry and it’s taken five years of doing the above but now finally she will actually eat it. When they get a bit older they can explain better what tastes and textures they have a problem with and then you can adjust how you cook it.
We still have the same problem with breakfast and lunch in school. After school she’s ravenous so I take that opportunity to get good food into her. She eats more if I sit beside her.
I can’t send her off to school with nothing though. I give her a squeezy yoghurt, get her to take a few bites of a banana and a few of toast with peanut butter but I have to stand over her.
I think the problem is to do with the same reason the school has suggested she be assessed for ADHD. She is too restless/ “busy” to want to eat or even sit still to eat until she’s a bit burnt out and needs to get fuel into her.

You seem to be quite argumentative and not really helping. OP is stressed her child isn’t eating.

Will she drink milk?

Just give her that at breakfast alongside any toast/eggs for breakfast.

Are you being dim on purpose?

If she doesn't eat breakfast and refuses lunch 5 days a week, she's still going 24 hours without food occasionally.

I was struck me by your rudeness too, OP. You are the one making things up. @Blondeshavemorefun asked you in her post if you offer snacks. She didn't wait for you to answer before offering advice because that's what makes threads tedious and you might choose never to answer. Either don't react or just point out you don't offer snacks. Personal attacks and namecalling are not mature responses.

If she isn't medically underweight I wouldn't worry. You've said the amount she eats varies eg she had chilli for lunch, then a roast for dinner. This is pretty normal at 3.
With regards to ham- I always cook my own- it works out cheaper and contains no upfs and much tastier- look up a recipe- it' very easy to do.
Try not to stress and keep offering small portions of lots of variety and keep back as many leftovers as possible to reduce hpw much you waste 😊

I don’t offer. I just give her meals. My DD is 17 she hasn’t changed. If I offer she’ll refuse.
She never eats breakfast.

I do agree with the posters who are saying, if she will eat ham, give her ham, @turkishdeelitee - UPF calories are better than no calories. The same goes for milk too - if she will drink it, give her lots. Will she take a vitamin supplement? If she would drink chocolate or strawberry milk, you could hide vitamin drops in that, maybe.

Offering and giving is the same in this context.

She isn't going "would you like a cooked egg?" And then not giving when DD says no. She's putting the egg in front of her and Dd isn't eating it.

Absolutely not. She's not even three yet - by no longer even offering her breakfast, you would just be setting in concrete what might otherwise be just a phase.

You've had some good tips and advice about how to deal with the issue, so I won't give any other advice, but the very worst thing to do would be to treat this as "just how she is" and stop even providing breakfast. And it sounds as though lunch would be next on the list as well. If she were 13, then maybe you'd have to accept that she wasn't eating breakfast, but at 3? Definitely not!

@turkishdeelitee I think you mentioned your DD likes ice lollies? If so, you can make your own with crushed fruit or just fruit juice which will be slightly healthier than the ones in the shops. I did this when my (now adult) DC were small.

One of my DC ate fishfingers almost every day for a year at the age of 3. I can reassure you that my fishfinger child is a strong, healthy adult who now eats a good and varied diet. I hope that your DD will grow out of her ham and crisp diet soon.