To just stop offering DD breakfast and lunch?

[turkishdeelitee]

Because she literally never eats breakfast, just point blank refuses. Also refuses lunch for five out of seven days a week. She does eat an OK dinner if it’s something she likes. I’m fed up and worried. She’s nearly 3.

If she will eat ham, I’d just offer that for breakfast. Maybe once she starts eating that she’ll realise she is hungry and then you can reduce the ham.

I am not pro-ham btw, as I hate it and never eat it myself!

Difference is that many thought you were rude

only you think I was rude

and later you said you do offer a healthy snack. Tho she may not eat it.

a few have replied who have limited /lucky eaters and all have been told to not restrict the food their child will eat

I wouldn't bother, OP has decided it isn't ARFID, so our advice isn't wanted. She's too busy moaning at Blondes for being 'rude'

You be surprised how much choice can cause confusion and anxiety in some children. Just giving it to her might cut out the pre food anxiety. No discussion beforehand.
Tell her to take her few bites before you take it away. I would drop the breakfast.

tbf OP this poster has gone above and beyond to offer advice so clearly their original comment wasn't intended rudely or maliciously (and as PP said if they'd just included the word 'if' then all of this could have been avoided so perhaps they simply missed this tiny word!)- your replies however are completely ignoring their advice and going on and on about them 'making things up'. I think I know who comes across more rude.

Also, just let her eat ham if thats what she wants.

Well sure if you want to be done for neglect. Why on Earth would you not offer two out of three meals a day? It's irrelevant whether she eats them you can't just stop offering food.

To be honest, I'm getting quite a controlling vibe off OP.

I find when people are controlling about things, that seeps into more than one area in life and I feel that perhaps the food issue is being exacerbated by a power play based on control.

Just give her some ham.....use it as a gateway into a ham sandwich then add some cheese in with the ham , then maybe a quiche lorraine. I KNOW ham isnt the healthiest but she isnt only ever going to eat ham for the rest of her life. Ask the GP/health visitor and get their opinion. I swear it will be the same as I am suggesting. Ham has a lot of protein.

Buy something like Naked ham or from somewhere like this:

https://www.organicbutchery.co.uk/collections/organic-nitrate-free-ham

OP, I understand that you’re stressed but you come across very rude in this thread.

You need to offer three square meals a day, plus snacks. Forget the food waste

People are telling you to offer her what she’ll eat because that’s the official advice from professionals when dealing with a fussy eater.

Yet if you read her reply above at 16.31

she does offer snacks

If she will eat ham for breakfast/lunch, I would give it to her until better eating patterns are established, then you can start adding other things into her meals.

If she will eat ham for breakfast/lunch, I would give it to her until better eating patterns are established, then you can start adding other things into her meals.

Yep, i saw. Why i said she doesn't want our advice.. even though you, me, Sirzy and i think Emerald (if i remember rightly) probably have a whole lifetime of experience between us and have been given ALL the current advice on fussy eaters & ARFID diets.

my 3yo is a bit like this, sometimes he’ll live on one bite of banana all day then sit down and devour a huge dinner at 7pm.

I used to get stressed until I read it’s a parents job to offer - not to force them to eat.

Lunchtime today I made him a cheese sandwich and cut up and apple, he asked for both and ate neither but I consider my job done as he had the opportunity to eat!

"So she eats nothing ?"
"or you offer snacks ?"

Sorry, @turkishdeelitee, but these are both questions and the poster wasn't rude to ask them. The "stop the snacks" is understood to apply only if you were giving snacks.

Instead of realizing that these are pertinent questions, you have inferred (incorrectly) that you were being criticized in some way. You weren't. You've been touchy with anyone who suggested you took it the wrong way and you'd rather stop talking about it than listen to anyone who disagrees with you. You backed yourself into a corner and don't want to admit it.

I've backed myself into said corner more times than I can count. There's only one graceful way out.

My advice (NOT an order) is easy:
You were rude.
Own it, apologize briefly to @Blondeshavemorefun, and then move on.

I hope this situation with your daughter improves soon. I've been there and I have so much sympathy.🌹

OP if she is obsessed with ham then I would look for a nitrate free variety like the Finnebrogue variety. Then give her that, hopefully eating each morning will eventually cause a habit/ hunger pattern that then opens her up to more foods.

My nephew was similar at 3. He hated eating for some reason. Except cake and gingerbread men 🙃

Does she like dips? That can often be helpful even if it’s just ketchup!
potatoes - slice some baby potatoes into thin slices, oil/seasoning, air fry. Don’t need to parboil, little effort and they look attractive/like crisps. Plus you can eat them if she doesn’t!

Please don’t cut anything back and just offer her what she likes- 2 slices of ham is better than nothing! What else will she have, stop worrying about whether it healthy or not at the minute- the calories are the focus.

How does she eat when she is around friends or cousins/ other kids?

I would offer her exactly what she likes and talk to the GP and Health Visitor.

I had a friend whose three year old seemed to live on nothing but two pots of plain a yoghurt a day for about 4 months,which felt like a loooong time at the time. As a society we tend to eat far more than we need, and we probably over-estimate how much a 3 year old needs. It's good that she is listening to her appetite and not eating when she doesn't feel the need; more of us would benefit from doing the same.

Eating disorders are very rare at this age, and like my pediatrician said, if you offer them a range of healthy foods that they like, and avoid the junk (which of course you do), even when it looks as if they're eating nothing it all balances out in the end. No healthy child ever deliberately starved itself to death.

My 16 year old is being treated for ARFID. She was a picky eater when she was younger. My advice to you is try to make sure she eats regularly even if it’s food you think isn’t the healthiest. If her body/brain gets used to not eating it can get worse. The ARFID treatment team first focuses on weight restoration by any means, and the eating at regular intervals to retrain the brain/body for hunger cues. You might consider speaking to her doctor for support. As I’m sure you know eating disorders can be very harmful, serious, and difficult to treat. Who knows if she’s heading in that direction but again, my advice is to support regular eating ahead of any other food goals. Hope that helps.

Yes this confused me too. She said no snacks very early on and then later mentions snacks as part of the food offering

DD never liked breakfast as a toddler/child and never bothers with it as an adult. I have to admit, I don't really do breakfast either - maybe a bit of fruit and a drink. If she is having a cup of milk at breakfast time, I actually think that's OK.

I would let her have a little bit of ham as she obviously loves it but just explain she can only have one slice a day as too much is bad for people. Maybe this is the breakfast food offered to encourage her to get into the habit of eating at that time of day. I don't think one thin slice of ham a day will do too much harm until she has grown out of this phase.

DD also had a small appetite and was a bit picky so I used to offer yoghurt, fruit, bread if she didn't want a real meal. She would normally eat at least some of these things and it was zero effort (and nothing goes off if it isn't eaten). She has a small appetite as an adult too, and I have to admit she might take after me there as well. Do you and your daughter's father eat breakfast and do you have big or small appetites?

Another thing that worked was the two choices thing. Don't say 'do you want lunch?' - she can more easily say no to that. Ask 'do you want yoghurt and fruit and bread, or a cheese sandwich?' or whatever it is. Try to include some things you know she likes. If she says no to everything, I would let her get on with it, personally. She will probably grow out of it and eating with other children at preschool may help.

If she is continuing to gain weight as she grows, you can assume she is taking in enough calories. If she starts to slip down the centiles then maybe it's time to talk to the health visitor or a doctor. But bear in mind your build and her dad's build. DD was somewhere down near the 0th centile for most of her life but is a naturally slim adult now and definitely not underweight. She just took after her parents.

A friend's son was like this. He just refused to eat when he wasn't hungry.

It turned out his digestion was a bit sluggish (no problems as such, he just took a while to process food) so he just felt full for longer, somewhat perpetuated by him drinking a lot.

Her GP, after many visits and weigh ins, sent him to a dietician, who just said he's happy, he's not ill and he does eat so why are you stressing?

He also suggested that her son was getting rather a lot of attention over it and pointed out that when she was worried about him not having eaten enough she had a bit of a habit of buying his favourite foods or taking him out for a 'treat'.

Basically, there was no motivation for him to change the behaviour because he was having a great time!

I'm not saying you do that, OP, but something to think about.

If I were you I think I'd try to chill out a bit, back off and eat well in front of her so that she is seeing healthy eating patterns and just see if it changes over time,

She might just be really in tune with what she needs and not really driven by what she wants , which is great.

If you don’t get your dd to eat enough, her brain will not be nourished, which in turn means she will not be able to learn effectively and she will not grow as she should and therefore be at risk of stunted growth. She may also suffer from behavioural issues. This lack of intake is particularly worrisome for such a young child.

Eating safe foods, rather then nothing is the safest option for your dd’s long term health. With dd, as she only ate 3 meals, I used to batch cook in advance, measure into little pots and freeze them. It had to be prepared in a specific way, so bolognese sauce with no lumps. That worked really well and I found it much easier to just do this as a toddler rather than try to force foods on her. It is very demoralising to not know if she will eat what you’ve made.

As she got older, her diet expanded and she slowly ate a wider variety of things. As she approached school she, I used to make a lot of picnics (picky boys) at home, that sounded exciting to her and I could try to add new things from time to time without risking the whole meal being rejected.

Sadly she now has anorexia and is again eating a very limited range of food. Her breakfast and snacks are the same ever day. Her lunch is one of 2 things. 5/6 days a week, dinner is the same meal. Is it completely nutritionally balanced? No but she alive, which I wasn’t sure of at one time.

This is why I asked the op about her own eating, I agree with you