Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect the school not to let dd have her photo taken with lipstick on?

72 replies

Nighbynight · 20/06/2008 20:05

this is actually a genuine question to teachers.

dd had her school photo, and I had to sign a paper giving my consent for her to be photographed. The other girls persuaded her that wearing lipstick would be a good idea. We got the photos today, she looks awful and the lipstick is really obvious.

The photos cost 30 euros per pack. I have got photos of all my other children, that I intend to circulate around relatives, but I can't possibly send the ones of dd. I will have to get them done again, which will cost a lot again.

dd is a bit hurt, so I don't want to tell her that I am not going to buy the school photos, as she is rather down at the moment, and would be very upset by anything she perceived as rejection.

I feel that the school should have monitored things a bit more closely. When I was 11, makeup was forbidden in our school. Or if they were going to get a signature beforehand, they could easily have added a box saying "my child is/is not allowed to wear makeup in the photo" so that people who wanted it could wear it.
I bet teachers will kick at the thought of yet more work, but right now I feel like not letting dd in the photos next year.

OP posts:
MicrowaveOnly · 20/06/2008 20:47

Ha Ha she'll be telling all her friends on bebo though!

Anna8888 · 20/06/2008 20:50

While I can well imagine that the lipstick your DD's classmates chose for her may not have been a very judicious choice of colour, I don't have feelings against a little make-up for girls of 11 or 12.

My daughter (3.7) loves nail varnish (on her toes) and lip gloss - the woman at the Chanel counter gave her some very sweet samples the other day and she was frightfully pleased.

And when I took her to a party last week, one of her classmates had lipgloss on and was clutching the tube in her hand.

Poohbah · 20/06/2008 20:56

So your daughter at the behest of her friends decided to wear make up and you blame the SCHOOL??????????????

She is 11, when I was 11 I knew that I shouldn't wear lipstick. Now she knows that wearing lipstick doesn't always make you look BETTER.

A lesson learnt in my opinion.

Original poster
Nighbynight · 20/06/2008 20:57

microwave

how very parisian, anna! makeup def a major clanger in ex h's family though (v trad).

OP posts:
Original poster
Nighbynight · 20/06/2008 20:58

yes, pooh, unfortunately the lesson is going to cost me 30 euros. I dont want to reject the photos at a moment when her self confidence is at a low ebb.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nighbynight · 20/06/2008 20:59

and yes, I do think the teacher should have monitored what was going on, if she expected teh parents to pay for the results.

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 20/06/2008 21:00

I can imagine about your ex's family... but you are the one taking all the responsibility for bringing up your children, aren't you? So I think you shouldn't worry about them

Flashman · 20/06/2008 21:00

why would it be the teachers responsiblity??

Original poster
Nighbynight · 20/06/2008 21:02

because she was organising the photographer!

OP posts:
MicrowaveOnly · 20/06/2008 21:02

maybe the teacher had already told lots of other girls off and so thought "sod it" (whatever that is in German!) and decided it would serve her right and bring it to the mums attention.

Which it has!!!

Original poster
Nighbynight · 20/06/2008 21:03

can see the point Anna, but still dont want to circulate photos of dd in makeup, I know what will be said, and I agree with it, but they will be entitled to draw other conclusions.

OP posts:
Flashman · 20/06/2008 21:04

at what point is the girl responsible? I thought it was meant to be treat the young as little adults - and I would have thought at 11 knows weather to wear lippy or not?

Poohbah · 20/06/2008 21:04

Humour is the way foward... or if the photo is digital can a friend/ photographer photoshop the lips to make them less obvious? Copies will do for the relatives, they'll never know!

Anna8888 · 20/06/2008 21:06

Yes, I can understand it's not worth the rumpus of sending a pic of your DD in make-up.

Still not really sure the teacher can be blamed though. It doesn't seem to be a terrible crime (speaking with Parisian 11 year old standards in mind, however).

unknownrebelbang · 20/06/2008 21:07

I don't understand how you can blame the school for this, if the school allow make-up to be worn, then they're not going to tell a child to take it off iykwim.

None of the girls in my sons' class wear make-up (9-11 year olds).

Original poster
Nighbynight · 20/06/2008 21:07

good idea, I might ask the photoshop if it could be altered a bit. Actually, the pack includes a black and white, and a sepia one. I might be able to send the black and white one. they'd wonder why the other children's were all colour, but what the hell!

OP posts:
MicrowaveOnly · 20/06/2008 21:08

I am kinda swinging your way Nighby even though I'm a teacher. if she looks that bad I guess all the parents will notice and it sort of spoils it for everyone.

constancereader · 20/06/2008 21:09

The teacher could have been sorting out some other issue at the precise moment of your dd's photo.

I was a primary teacher and used to check the five year old children were tidy. I honestly wouldn't expect to do it for an eleven year old.

Original poster
Nighbynight · 20/06/2008 21:10

11 is definitely still a child.

OP posts:
bamboostalks · 20/06/2008 21:10

Nail varish and lipgloss for 3 year olds is horrid and cheap...even Chanel! I think it looks horrendous unless in the midst of some sort of fancy dress. I think it also sends girls all the wrong messages.

Original poster
Nighbynight · 20/06/2008 21:11

constance, I expect that was what the teacher thought, but the pitfalls at 11 are clearly different!

OP posts:
Original poster
Nighbynight · 20/06/2008 21:14

actually toe nail varnish is the one thing I wouldnt mind. It just seems so much less personal than makeup on the face. Not sure why, though.

OP posts:
constancereader · 20/06/2008 21:14

I can also imagine having an irate parent on my doorstep wanting to know why I had humiliated their daughter by making her wash her make up off.

But I still think the most likely explaination is that the teacher didn't notice. Trying to get loads of children to sit still and behave can be a little distracting at times.

blueshoes · 20/06/2008 21:16

Nighbynight, I would just buy the b/w or sepia one.

When you said your dd's bottom lip was quivering when you said that you thought she looked better without lipstick, I just felt so bad for your dd.

She was put under peer pressure, she probably thought she looked attractive and maybe even feeling a little proud and grown up, only to be harshly cut down by her mother to the point of not buying and re-doing the photo. And her mother complaining to the teachers, OMG.

It was a mistake, yes, she should listen to you (although I do personally think you are overreacting on the make up issue, but that is your call). Can you just tell her more gently seeing that this is her first transgression. She could not possibly know you felt so strongly about it.

Anna8888 · 20/06/2008 21:20

All the littlest girls wear toe nail varnish here in Paris (you see it when they take off their Start-Rite shoes and white ankle socks to go in the sandpit ).