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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be furious that DH keeps adding chilli to my meals?

77 replies

FlappyJax · 02/05/2026 21:50

Been with DH 14+ years. Hes got a habit of putting chilli in food - often to the point where he can’t even eat it himself. I’ve told him time and time again NOT to put chilli in my food as I don’t like it. But he does it anyway. It came to a head around 6 months ago when he made some burgers and put chilli in them meaning it was a complete waste of a meal. I couldn’t eat it and he only ate half. I was fuming and he knew it … he’s not done it since.

Until tonight - he said he was making us jacket potatoes. He spent around 2 hours on this chopping, grating etc etc … it smelt lovely and despite the fact that it was getting on for 9pm I chose not to eat anything beforehand as I didn’t want to spoil the meal he was taking so long to make.

First bite in, mouth on fire. I said “you’ve put chilli in this havnt you?”. He said “only a little bit, it is a bit overwhelming isn’t it? I didn’t think I’d put that much in”. Absolutely livid, took my plate to the kitchen and told him I didn’t want it, whole plate of food wasted.

Why?? Why does he do it?? He couldn’t even eat it himself. Turned out he’d put a whole scotch bonnet in it! Why would you put scotch bonnet in someone’s food that doesn’t like chilli?

He then sat there looking all sad and embarrassed. Offered to make me something else so I don’t think it’s malicious but why in gods name do it??

OP posts:
tachetastic · 02/05/2026 23:04

DressOrSkirt · 02/05/2026 22:55

So he can't ever have chilli because you don't like it? He should have probably told you you'd have to sort your own dinner tonight though as he was making something with chilli.

It was jacket potatoes. Would it have been so hard to have just given cheese and beans as an option?

MNLurker1345 · 02/05/2026 23:08

I like chilli on my food. My DH doesn’t. I do not cook with chilli but I do chop finger chillies or even a scotch bonnet and serve on the side.

Simple, easy, delicious and considerate.

Melonjuice · 02/05/2026 23:15

So what if she's posted before? Those of you writing that can see others writing it yet still choose to ask OP same question 🙄
Maybe she's fed up and wants to vent even if he has done it before and OP posted it then
OP sounds like you are getting more and more fed up and desperate which is why you may have asked this again
Either stop him from cooking for you as he clearly can't cook properly and he's unable to manage his chilli impulsivityor tell him you think he is ignorant of your feelings or doing it on purpose and you want an explanation why

Melonjuice · 02/05/2026 23:16

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 02/05/2026 22:21

THIS is you from three years ago, isn't it.

So what ?

DressOrSkirt · 02/05/2026 23:27

tachetastic · 02/05/2026 23:04

It was jacket potatoes. Would it have been so hard to have just given cheese and beans as an option?

Show quote history

Sure, this time. But in general he shouldn't have to never have a food he likes when he's cooking.
And there must have been something on top of the potato with the chilli in that OP could have scrapped off to have the potato underneath.

FoldThreePiece · 02/05/2026 23:30

Mine puts chilli on everything I make for him, on his plate only, and that’s annoying 🤣

At one stage, he added Five Spice to any food that he made for us, many inedible combinations later, I threw out the Five Spice and refused to buy it again.
I think we had a bleak white pepper period too, also disposed of, once I discovered the culprit.

And don’t get me started on spices. I’ve caught him adding every conceivable spice in the cupboard to meals, and they were not complimentary, I had started to wonder why mince, and other meals tasted so awful

I avoid letting him cook.

Starseeking · 02/05/2026 23:33

I’ve read this before. Why does your DH keep doing this and why do you keep writing about it?!?

FunnyOrca · 02/05/2026 23:36

Why are the responses to this so extreme?

I mean, it sounds annoying but “abusive” and grounds for divorce? 🤦‍♀️

tachetastic · 02/05/2026 23:37

DressOrSkirt · 02/05/2026 23:27

Sure, this time. But in general he shouldn't have to never have a food he likes when he's cooking.
And there must have been something on top of the potato with the chilli in that OP could have scrapped off to have the potato underneath.

Show quote history

That’s true, but perhaps the middle ground given this is a long-running argument would be for him to say I’m cooking with chilli tonight, do you want me to do a portion for you or do you want to organise your own meal, rather than giving someone who hates chilli no choice and then presenting something so hot that even he thinks he went too far.

As with so many threads on MN, you can pick at the details but it’s basically a lack of respect.

I don’t know why the whole meal went in the bin but given a jacket potato took two hours to prepare maybe it was more elaborate than OP is letting on (I’m imagining scooping, mixing and stuffing back into skins maybe?)

PrettyPickle · 02/05/2026 23:40

I've had a similar issue with an ex over coriander.

Years ago, I had a curry that was heavily infused with Coriander, but I ate it and enjoyed it...until, I didn't! It was the curry that kept on giving and I was violently ill for about 4 days. For a few years after, I just had to sense a hint of coriander and my stomach started churning.

Met a bloke, went out for a meal and we are both sharers and so offered to try each other food. His had coriander in which I did covered after a generous spoon full, I wasn't actually sick but my appetite went.

Every time I went to his house, he made me something with coriander in, well who would have guessed just how many meals were in his recipe book with coriander. Oops, sorry I forgot, I went on automatic pilot etc was his frequent retort. And I got sick of it. After yet another coriander aborted meal, out of pure frustration and because no matter how often I explained, he still used coriander, I decided to make my point another way.

He hated garlic and so from then on when I cooked, I used garlic and he was not impressed, telling me he could not eat the muck and I was leaving him to go hungry because I did not think about him!!! And I still got a meal served at his with coriander and when I pointed out all the things he said to me about serving him garlic, I said "right back atcha" over the coriander. He dumped me for being childish.

Strangely enough I am back on coriander now, it goes well with garlic.

tachetastic · 02/05/2026 23:43

@FoldThreePiece : I avoid letting him cook.

And his mission is accomplished. How long did it take him to engineer a ban from kitchen duties???

Bristolandlazy · 02/05/2026 23:44

What the hell was he making, there's no prep making a baked potato. What did he chop the chilli into? This doesn't make sense. Two hours chopping and grating what? What smelt amazing? Hmmm

Bristolandlazy · 02/05/2026 23:46

Similar threads below, a near identical thread except about burgers. Was that you, reads the same.

BlueShoeGlue · 02/05/2026 23:48

Have you outright asked him if he has a weird chilli fetish?
either that or he is incredibly dim.
good god, I could not live with someone so idiotic!

SD1978 · 02/05/2026 23:50

Was the advice from last time you posted this not enough? Maybe read some of those replies and see if you can action them

Bikenutz · 02/05/2026 23:59

I would tell him that I will be taking over all of the cooking from now on…And painting scotch bonnet sauce on his meal for him to enjoy…because “I know how much you love them DH” whilst happily scoffing your chilli free food in front of him.

Whatdoyouthinktothis · 03/05/2026 00:00

Put some in his pants

SingedSoul · 03/05/2026 00:30

Annoying yes, incredibly dramatic also yes. He's hardly Pol Pot. Twice in 6.01 months, hardly the malicious, abusive idiot he is made to be. Either get over it or pack your bags and flounce out.

FrankieMcGrath · 03/05/2026 00:36

TomatoSandwiches · 02/05/2026 21:52

You again? Why haven't you left him yet?

The conclusion last time was that whatever the reason for adding chilli to your food, the result was his actions being abusive, which I agree with.

This!

Frugalgal · 03/05/2026 00:51

FlappyJax · 02/05/2026 21:50

Been with DH 14+ years. Hes got a habit of putting chilli in food - often to the point where he can’t even eat it himself. I’ve told him time and time again NOT to put chilli in my food as I don’t like it. But he does it anyway. It came to a head around 6 months ago when he made some burgers and put chilli in them meaning it was a complete waste of a meal. I couldn’t eat it and he only ate half. I was fuming and he knew it … he’s not done it since.

Until tonight - he said he was making us jacket potatoes. He spent around 2 hours on this chopping, grating etc etc … it smelt lovely and despite the fact that it was getting on for 9pm I chose not to eat anything beforehand as I didn’t want to spoil the meal he was taking so long to make.

First bite in, mouth on fire. I said “you’ve put chilli in this havnt you?”. He said “only a little bit, it is a bit overwhelming isn’t it? I didn’t think I’d put that much in”. Absolutely livid, took my plate to the kitchen and told him I didn’t want it, whole plate of food wasted.

Why?? Why does he do it?? He couldn’t even eat it himself. Turned out he’d put a whole scotch bonnet in it! Why would you put scotch bonnet in someone’s food that doesn’t like chilli?

He then sat there looking all sad and embarrassed. Offered to make me something else so I don’t think it’s malicious but why in gods name do it??

He sounds like a bloody simpleton, to be honest. I don't know how you doing get the massive ick.

Baked potatoes takes literally minutes to prepare, big hours.

SandyY2K · 03/05/2026 01:18

I'd be cooking for myself and he can do the same going forwards. Problem solved!

GingersOwner26 · 03/05/2026 01:22

This rings a bell, to the point where I had to double check the date and make sure no one had resurrected a zombie thread...

FernsInValley · 03/05/2026 01:23

Don't eat his cooking.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 03/05/2026 15:50

He wants to break up with you but doesn't have the balls. The message is clear.