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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be furious that DH keeps adding chilli to my meals?

77 replies

FlappyJax · 02/05/2026 21:50

Been with DH 14+ years. Hes got a habit of putting chilli in food - often to the point where he can’t even eat it himself. I’ve told him time and time again NOT to put chilli in my food as I don’t like it. But he does it anyway. It came to a head around 6 months ago when he made some burgers and put chilli in them meaning it was a complete waste of a meal. I couldn’t eat it and he only ate half. I was fuming and he knew it … he’s not done it since.

Until tonight - he said he was making us jacket potatoes. He spent around 2 hours on this chopping, grating etc etc … it smelt lovely and despite the fact that it was getting on for 9pm I chose not to eat anything beforehand as I didn’t want to spoil the meal he was taking so long to make.

First bite in, mouth on fire. I said “you’ve put chilli in this havnt you?”. He said “only a little bit, it is a bit overwhelming isn’t it? I didn’t think I’d put that much in”. Absolutely livid, took my plate to the kitchen and told him I didn’t want it, whole plate of food wasted.

Why?? Why does he do it?? He couldn’t even eat it himself. Turned out he’d put a whole scotch bonnet in it! Why would you put scotch bonnet in someone’s food that doesn’t like chilli?

He then sat there looking all sad and embarrassed. Offered to make me something else so I don’t think it’s malicious but why in gods name do it??

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 02/05/2026 21:52

You again? Why haven't you left him yet?

The conclusion last time was that whatever the reason for adding chilli to your food, the result was his actions being abusive, which I agree with.

WaneyEdge · 02/05/2026 21:53

No idea 🤷‍♀️. Had a colleague years ago who’d do this. He’d make something like a shepherds pie or lasagne and put sliced chillies on top. At least you could pick them off but he added it to everything, not foods that are supposed to be hot/spicy.

Worm28 · 02/05/2026 21:53

I thought I’d read this before !

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 02/05/2026 21:53

Yes, I also spend 2 hours making jacket potatoes.....

A few repeats on here tonight.

Scrumbless · 02/05/2026 21:54

Haven’t I read this before?

RightOnTheEdge · 02/05/2026 21:55

Have you posted about this before? If not there's another poster with the exact same husband.

YANBU. He sounds like an idiot.

Jellybean23 · 02/05/2026 21:57

Is he deliberately going out and buying chillies?

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 02/05/2026 21:57

Strategic incompetence? If he messes up then you'll take over and he won't have to cook anymore.

Sunisgettinganewhaton · 02/05/2026 21:57

Time to fight fire with fire..
Or chilli with chilli.
He's a knob. And it absolutely is malicious.. How could it not be?

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 02/05/2026 21:58

Yes...

This sounds familiar... have you posted before?

If so yabu for putting up with this nonsense...

He either has dangerously low iq (should you be married? Presumably he doesn't have capacity to consent to sex if he is this lacking in intelligence?)
Or doesnt give a shit about you (should you be married? Presumably you want better?)

Between now and the divorce coming through EVERY time I spotted any chilli sauce or powder in the cupboards I'd bin it..every. single. time.

CommentHere · 02/05/2026 21:59

Well get him to chop chilli and rub his eyes. That should stop him.

DH loves chilli but I chop with a knife and fork and put on a saucer for him to sprinkle on his food. If it's too much it's his fault. I also use chilli flakes, again DH sprinkles his.

OP I wouldn't accept that idiotic chilli behaviour (even if it's very familiar)

jay55 · 02/05/2026 22:00

Who buys the chilis?

Wouldcou · 02/05/2026 22:00

A scotch bonnet? Right ban all chilli from the house. Even powders

Unpaidworkmakestheeconomytick · 02/05/2026 22:02

Why are there any chillies in the house? When you open the fridge for milk do a chilli sweep and bin them. Food coming in? Chillies out in the bin.
Is he not quite the full shilling?

Roulett · 02/05/2026 22:02

Two hours to make a jacket potato?

Ohpleeeease · 02/05/2026 22:03

Cook and eat separately. If he ruins his meals he isn’t ruining yours.

LittleGreenDragons · 02/05/2026 22:04

He is deliberately being abusive or having a mental breakdown or has dementia. Only you can decide. One would involve me leaving, the other two would involve him being the one to leave. Until the day of separation I would stop eating anything he cooks ever again no matter how sad he looks.

Ilikewinter · 02/05/2026 22:05

TomatoSandwiches · 02/05/2026 21:52

You again? Why haven't you left him yet?

The conclusion last time was that whatever the reason for adding chilli to your food, the result was his actions being abusive, which I agree with.

This !!

JoyLoveJoyInOrbitNsoul · 02/05/2026 22:06

The Dh has form for this.
I just wouldn't eat anything he cooked and I wouldn't be cooking for him either.

200skies · 02/05/2026 22:07

Rub chilli on the inside of his pants.

Pallisers · 02/05/2026 22:10

thought this was familiar.

Throw out every pot of chilli in the house - since you are determined to stay with him and also to let him cook.

KilkennyCats · 02/05/2026 22:12

Several times. Bloody weirdo.

Strandas · 02/05/2026 22:12

You both sound a bit odd. Why are you still putting up with this? Leave him or cook your own food.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 02/05/2026 22:15

I don't know why you stay with him. You're always posting this. Time and again.

SlashBeef · 02/05/2026 22:16

Are you both unwell?

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