To have expected DH to say no to stag do t-shirt?

[Kellybloom]

DH is on a stag this weekend, many of them going are younger. I’ve seen a photo of the personalised tops for their travel out and I find it really disgusting/offensive. I messaged him to say I would have expected him not to wear it and he said he didn’t really have choice.

AIBU to think a grown man should speak up and not care what the crowd thinks?

That's not what the OP said though.

She expected him not to wear it (because it's offensive and she expected him to find it offensive himself, not because she told him not to).

AIBU to think a grown man should speak up and not care what the crowd thinks?

It's not that deep. I don't think I've ever read a crude joke on a Stag/Hen t-shirt and judged the wearer's morals. Tacky/crass is almost a given. It's not like he's bought it to wear by choice - they've all been given a matching top for one night on the ale.

Well he isn’t offended so there isn’t much she can do. 🤷‍♀️ Apart from give him shit when he gets home I guess

Where is the any suggestion he's actually buying coke?

There is a lot of overreacting on this post

What the hell?! How did you jump to this conclusion!

Op, let it be. Its a tshirt. It doesnt define your husband or his morals. He's just joining in with his mates.

Regardless of what a stag do wear, they're judged so hard for their behaviour, a shit tshirt isn't going to make it any worse.

It's going to be worn for one night by a group of drunk men. Your husband didn't choose it. Just destroy the t-shirt afterwards!

Stag nights/ hen nights are famous for outrageous behaviour. Not all of course! The choice of words reflects badly on the person who chose this, the others in the group are going with the flow.

Don't force your husband not to wear this. Yes, the t-shirt is in bad taste, but it is not for you to decide what he wears for someone's stag night.

Some absolutely humourless people on Mumsnet. Who would leave their husband and presumably break up their family over a t-shirt! Crazy

Women often wear much worse on hen dos.

Never heard of it but it sounds vile.

I would be very unimpressed.

Just make your own t-shirt to wear for the weekend to profess that you're looking for cock but not a bell-end. Or similar.

Seriously though, I might be a bit "look dude, that's in pretty poor taste and how old are you?" but it wouldn't actually bother me if he wants to go around looking like a complete knob that's up to him.

Ive just got back from a week away, a hen group was in front of us at the airport - one of the t-shirts said ‘choke me til I’m scarlet Charlotte’ lots of other t-shirts with equally awful things

I’m old and didn’t understand it but once explained, I’ve seen worse.
It’s interesting how there is a lot of he shouldn’t do it as it makes the OP uncomfortable. If the OP was going on a hen do and he was uncomfortable with the dress code would we expect her to not join in? Or would he be controlling? Just a thought.
I’ve seen lots of hen dos where I live - we seem more popular with hens than stags. Their dress and behaviour can be quite lewd - it’s not just a male thing.

Oh, seriously embarrassing of him and for you by association.
I didn't know what you do because it'll be dismissed as bantz, but I would find it very hard to ignore the high levels of cringe that would cause.
'slags' is just not a word for the 21st century.

Exactly.

Probably due a come back

Total Slaaag … what’s that from? 🤔🤣

This.

I'm online a lot and have never heard of it. Sounds sexist and ageist and of course he has a choice.

Kat in East Enders

"If the OP was going on a hen do and he was uncomfortable with the dress code would we expect her to not join in?"

Of course if she were wearing a t-shirt mocking old men.

I really would not take offence at this. And I’m not someone who would tell my husband not to wear something on a stag
(I mean, really?).

My husband would refuse to wear this and wouldn't care what his mates thought although his mates wouldn't do this and certainly wouldn't even suggest it to my husband. He is (happily) left out any work banter whatsapp groups because they know he won't agree with whats said. How it's even appropriate In the workplace I don't know. He has declined going to stag dos to Amsterdam abd the likes and distanced from men that think its "harmless banter"

No you are not being unreasonable. I guess this illustrates you're not on the same page. He either doesn't find it a issue personally or doesn't have the backbone to stand up for what he believes in. Neither to me is particularly attractive or admirable qualities.

There will be young children and teenagers at the airport seeing those tops. It just futher reinforces such a derogatory view of women. Ditto for hen dos doing similar. I just don't find it funny so what's the point🤷🏼‍♀️

I would be really angry if I saw woman wearing that tshirt given the number of women who lose their lives because of strangulation during sex and the number that suffer permanent damage because of it. Where is the joke in that? Where is the joke in the shirt OP's H was wearing?

I just dont understand how we have got to the point that people actually accept the antics of stag dos and hen parties as " normal" behaviour. That normal standards of decency are abandoned in the name of a forthcoming marriage is so ridiculous and downright repulsive and yet so many people have been brainwashed to just go along with it.

BORRRRINGGGG

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. It is outside of normal behaviour and that’s where the fun lies. It’s escaping normal responsibilities for a small while.