AIBU to be baffled a mum had no idea the school fayre was happening?

[xAwaywiththefairiesx]

Today my daughter's primary school had a spring fayre after school on the school field. Ice cream van, face-painting, various stalls with games, the usual. All arranged by the PTA to raise money for the school.
There was a mufti day today, and the children were asked to bring a donation to the school as an exchange for the mufti, something like cakes to sell or a teddy for the tombola or a bottle of wine as a prize or something.
One mum wanders onto the field after school, with both of her kids in mufti, looking around bewildered saying "What's this? Is this a new thing they're doing? Will it be every week?"

And this is so weird to me because the spring fayre has been organised for months. We have lots of emails asking for donations, several more asking for volunteers, we've had at least three leaflets home about it, and she obviously got the memo about mufti, the whole point in which was for the school fayre!

My phone own child has been banging on about it for three weeks.

How can she get so unaware? I'm not judging, honestly, I'm just baffled how it got past her.

Is it just me? Could you miss something like this after all that communication?

I voted yabu because you are saying you’re not judging, but you are judging.

She obviously didn’t know either because she hadn’t read the email, hadn’t read them properly or she had forgot.

I used to be very on it with all of the school admin, but to be honest my youngest is now in year 6. I’m in two different football WhatsApp groups, I’m in a WhatsApp group for the school prom, I’m in a work WhatsApp group, a family WhatsApp group. I get several Arbor notifications every single day from the school, as well as emails.

I’m a bit over it all to be honest and I often read things on a need to know basis only. If I don’t put things in my calendar I just completely forget.

Yes she was a bit oblivious, but does it really matter? Unless she’s known for being a horrible neglectful parent just give her the benefit of the doubt.

There wasn't anything faux about it. It was entirely genuine and it remains odd, whatever anyone says, that she managed to read one sentence of an email and not the second. Not morally failing or rude or outrageous or lacking in appreciation. Just a bit odd.

OP wasn't judging anyone. Many posters have been really unpleasant in a way OP hasn't even vaguely been.

Schools in deprived areas will have a higher number of pupil premium children so will have some extra funding they way however it’s not much and schools have to show how it’s being used to benefit the child in question so for instance for some of our PP children they get a funded session at one of our after school sports clubs

Why are people struggling to just know about school events. It’s not about remembering exact dates, or participating, it’s about just being aware of what is happening at your child’s school, whether you agree with it or not!
If I’d forgotten the school fair was on that day, but picked my child up and saw it happening, I wouldn’t be confused. It’d be an ‘oh shit, it’s the school fair today!’ moment. Not a ‘what’s going on? Why is this happening?’ thing.

Late to the thread but if you'll allow me, I'm going to put my tuppence worth in as a school governer and grandmother of children at the same school.

We did not have a PTA for several years. During this time we had very few events. There were no fairs, no leavers discos, no Christmas dinners, no little extras, very little spare funds.

The parent feedback we were constantly getting from parents was that the school doesn't do enough, doesn't "make the effort" there's not enough engagement and not enough on. Why don't we have a summer fete like such-and-such a school does? Why isn't there much planned for the leavers? The general feeling was that the school didn't give much of a crap about doing nice things for the kids which was very far from the truth.

The head tried to encourage a PTA but noone wanted to know.

Then three years ago, a new reception mum on maternity leave started a PTA. Once she's started it up, she was able to encourage others and a small group formed of parents, mums AND dads, with different skills and experience and it took off.

Let me tell you, in just three years, that PTA has transformed the school. It's a different place with a totally different feeling to it. There are Christmas and Summer fetes now, and our year 6s get a leaving disco. The library has new furniture, the playground has been freshened up, a new sensory room has been created, a second hand uniform shop has been set up to help families struggling to buy new, with the funds from that going right back into the school instead of a big suppliers pocket. It's an unbelievable difference in such a short amount of time.

If your school has a PTA I would take a moment how actually lucky your school is. We thought we might lose ours when the original founder started working full time but thankfully someone else took over as chair and she stepped down into a less active role, remaining on the PTA. Let me tell you, there was close to panic among the governors and staff about losing the PTA. They are that valauble.

And I am frankly quite shocked at people saying they hate the fwges and other events, even describing them as torturous when we had parents constantly asking for them and feeding back that it makes such a difference to give nice things now.

Yes the mum that started this thread has made a silly comment. But so what?

There's no need to act like PTAs aren't invaluable because I can assure you they are. And you'd all soon been moaning if you didn't have one. As I've seen first hand.

When my kids were small (had two sets of twins at same school) I really resented these non-uniform days. After paying a fortune for school uniform Why on earth should I pay (it was £4 for me ) for them not to wear it. I conveniently forgot or sent them in minus the donation. Maybe this mum does the same.

Thank you. Yes, my niece's school doesn't have a PTA and my sister moans her school doesn't "make an effort" so she comes to ours instead!
I did once say to BIL when he also moaned about it that's its not because the school cba, it's because there's no PTA organising one, but I just got blank looks.
I decided there was no point adding that they could start one if they thought these sort of things were important 🤣

The problem is it’s gone the other way now where there’s far too many events. Being expected to send your child to school wearing a certain colour item of clothing because it’s “national whatever day” and being expected to donate to a charity to do with that “national whatever day” that the parents have either never heard of I’m sure if they really wanted to contribute to a particular charity, they would do. We need less of these events for a start. Why should parents be expected to donate to a charity of the school’s choice.

Doing something special for school leavers I get. It’s their last time altogether before moving on and they want to enjoy it. But some of the other events that are related to charities or being expected to just ‘magic up’ a costume every few weeks has got beyond ridiculous now. Sometimes you can have too much of a ‘good thing’. I’m pretty sure that while some parents are moaning “you’re not doing enough” there will be hundreds more who just want it to stop or at least slow down

Absolutely this
Plus
Sneering at someone who didnt realise as a way to boost poor self esteem
Nasty

This is something you need to feedback to the head and the governors.
We know that putting pressure on parents just alienates them. All schools should be aware of this.
But trust me, it is better to have too much than nothing at all.
All those little extras behind the scene that don't get noticed will be noticed when they are gone and they are all down to fundraising efforts by volunteers.
We had a drab, disengaged school just three years ago. I am not exaggerating the difference a few volunteer parents have made.

But as already stated, the charity days are out of the control of the PTA and PTAs are not usually consulted about them. And again, if there is a real problem talk to the school and PTA, or even, (shock horror!) get involved with the PTA to make a change. So much complaining, but any suggestions are shot down.
As a PTA member we do sometimes find a clash of plans with the school even when we let them know what we are doing. Just recently we held a sponsored fun run before Easter, then straight after the holiday, school were asking for sponsorship for their own thing. If we had known, we would have changed the fun run plans. We try not to do lots of non uniform days as there are some already for Children in Need, book day etc.
If you don’t like it, change it or accept this is what it is and keep on top of it. Struggling to remember it all is a poor excuse with so many ways of communication and reminders you can set up these days.

Again you are missing my point. I have already said I don’t give a shit who organises certain events and who doesn’t. The fact is that there are too many of them. Regardless of how little the PTAs do organise or are involved in. Just simply expecting parents to remember every little detail about every little event and then writing a thread about those who don’t is beyond insulting.

Honestly. Some people may notice it when they’re gone. Others will just be grateful not to have to endure it. As I said, two of my 3 kids are now in secondary school where apart from Xmas jumper/ non uniform day on the last day of term before Xmas and a sponsored sports day, I don’t have to endure the other numerous events I once did when they were at primary. And all I can think is “thank fuck for that, 2 down one to go!”.

I think the PP means you will notice the benefit to the school once the PTA is gone (or your children will). Not the events.

She mentioned that in just three years, the PTA have improved the playground, bought new library furniture, and installed a sensory room. That's beyond impressive in just three years. They must have raised a hell of a lot.

Even just improving the playground would have cost a shit tonne. We had a quote of over £1k just to repaint all the markings.

It's totally worth "enduring" a few fayres if you ask me. But we are all different.

I’m sure they have done amazing for schools. What I’m saying is all these events, regardless of who or who hasn’t organised them all accumulate and mount up and it’s endless and tedious. You can’t blame parents for either not knowing or forgetting every tiny little detail about every single event when there are so many of them!

Yes, I understand your point. You have made it thoroughly. There are too many events. You don't care who organised them, there's just too many. You find it hard to keep track.

I am just saying that the PP's point was that you may miss the benefit to the school if the PTA were gone. Because of what the money raised does.

I am well aware you will not miss the endless and tedious succession of events. This has been noted.

I hope the advice to feed this back to the school that several people have given you will be taken on board.

You’re just determined to piss on anyone who puts the effort in or appreciates what PTAs can do for a school. As I KEEP saying, if you don’t like what is happening or how it’s happening, get involved to change it. You have no right to keep complaining if you’re not prepared to do something about it. You could then set up an option for parents to donate a flat fee every year or term and opt out of all fundraising events. However, for many the actual events are also a benefit, as a chance for the school to have fun, strengthen relationships between school and families, and can be the highlight of some children’s school year. For many tha are struggling it can be a free or cheap way to have a family day out or fun experience - such as fairs, discos etc.
It’s not about remembering every little detail, it’s about knowing what’s happening when and appreciating what a PTA does to benefit the school and the children.

Again… I get that. But the point of you creating this thread was…. ?

Seems like you created a “let’s bash the parent thread” for not knowing about your event.

Nope not going back round in this circle again 😂

I heard they were doingvaway with that term a few years ago. We tend to have themed days more now. Us older ones still remember it as mufti day though.

They really are an incredible bunch. So hardworking and dedicated. If it was our PTA being spoken about like this on here, I would have a few choice words to say about it!

Considering they only started three years ago and it took a year to really get going and find their feet, it's an outstanding achievement. The playground alone is a transformation. It's been re-painted, had new equipment and the members themselves have been slaving away digging and planting new plants and trees and creating a wildlife area for the children. Next year's plans include a new pond, which the children can get involved in helping to dig out. And that's just outside.

The sensory room has already made a huge difference for the SEN children, especially one little boy who was a year ago refusing school and now comes in three days a week because he knows he has somewhere peaceful to escape to.

And the library can now be used as a place to provide wraparound care now that it's had some decent furniture!

I can't stress enough how invaluable it's been.

I'm in New Zealand and it was always mufti here.

I've never heard of fayre before but I think it's easy to decipher.

We had it in New Zealand but I think they may have changed it a few years ago as it was considered inappropriate. Seem to haveva lotnof themed days now like pink shirt and the like.

I think there are only certain localised spots in the UK that mufti is used