AIBU to be baffled a mum had no idea the school fayre was happening?

[xAwaywiththefairiesx]

Today my daughter's primary school had a spring fayre after school on the school field. Ice cream van, face-painting, various stalls with games, the usual. All arranged by the PTA to raise money for the school.
There was a mufti day today, and the children were asked to bring a donation to the school as an exchange for the mufti, something like cakes to sell or a teddy for the tombola or a bottle of wine as a prize or something.
One mum wanders onto the field after school, with both of her kids in mufti, looking around bewildered saying "What's this? Is this a new thing they're doing? Will it be every week?"

And this is so weird to me because the spring fayre has been organised for months. We have lots of emails asking for donations, several more asking for volunteers, we've had at least three leaflets home about it, and she obviously got the memo about mufti, the whole point in which was for the school fayre!

My phone own child has been banging on about it for three weeks.

How can she get so unaware? I'm not judging, honestly, I'm just baffled how it got past her.

Is it just me? Could you miss something like this after all that communication?

Omg I feel seen.

I donated a black bag full off my daughter's old studies for the teddy tombola.

What happens? She wins a giant one the size of the bag we donated 🤦

Such is parenting life! 😂

I get your point but it still doesn’t explain why you created a whole thread to berate another parent who didn’t seem to know the event was talking place. Like I said, your event will have probably been one of many more this particular parent has been bombarded with messages about. And then each and every parent are expected to show some sort of enthusiasm towards these events, spend money on them and remember them all. And god forbid if we don’t the PTA will start a thread about us!

Really, you CAN remember the events, you just don’t want to participate in them all. Which is fine. Do you struggle to remember your children’s other school commitments or just the PTA things?
The original discussion is about people completely oblivious to what is happening, not about whether you agree with what is organised or if you want to be part of it.
If you don’t want to go to the fair, ok. But you would have known about it, and made a decision. In the OP, she was completely unaware and wondered if it was a weekly thing!

Not surprised in the least that the parent had no idea what was going on. Selective memory / too busy to read emails / just cba to read the emails are all likely. The kids have said it’s non uniform (never heard mufti before - I assume it’s a regional thing? I’m in the south east) and so she’s got them to school in normal clothes but hasn’t a clue why.

There are so many mums like this at my sons school and in the group chat. They’re a mix of working and sahm so no logic there.
An example would be “your child’s class is visiting X on Friday, they need to be in school uniform with a packed lunch and be collected at 4pm”
A few days before the event the messages hit the group chat
is it non uniform for the trip on Friday?
what trip on Friday?
what time will they be back from the trip?
does anyone know if they need a packed lunch?
etc etc
Then on Friday “what time are they back from the trip today. Can anyone collect little Johnny as I’ve got a meeting at 4 had no idea about this!!”
At 3.00 “where are the kids I’m at the gates and they’re not here”
I know there are many people like this and I cannot get my head around their lifestyles but they seem to manage getting from a to b most days and their kids turn up at the right time most of the time (although there’s always one kid in uniform being rushed back home to change on a ‘mufti’ day!) I just figure some people are happier with a more chaotic approach to life 🤷🏻‍♀️ (and like to rely heavily on the brains and reading skills of others?!)

The op, however, did start an entire thread bashing someone else. So I guess it’s swings and roundabouts

She's explained she just found it baffling and slightly amusing.
The lady concerned has not been harmed.
OP has had her answers and hasn't really argued with them.
She is now doubt regretting the thread now that it has gone off in soany crazy tangents.
But such is life, sometines you post a thread on the spur of the moment and find yourself riding the Mumsnet crazy train.

I didn’t read it that she was bashing the other mum just genuinely baffled that she didn’t realise!

Thank you very much

We're grateful for the school staff that support us and the partnership we have xx

Please could you type more carefully? I'm being massively triggered by your mistype that said ''slag term ... to describe female genitalia' when I'm SURE you meant to type 'slang' but you seem to keep missing that crucial 'n', in this, and subsequent posts. Perhaps you have a sticky 'n' key? <helpful>

(I am LOVING this pointless thread derail. Sorry OP, I think many of us would prefer to argue about the meaning of the term (the WIDELY USED TERM) 'mufti' and whether or not it's exclusionary and tainted by colonialism, than to debate your original point.)

Why should we be expected to remember all these events? It’s not even a case whether we should remember or not but it’s the expectation. And you have made this very clear on your posts. You seem quite obnoxious about it. Yes we don’t WANT to have to remember them all. We are sick and tired of them and would rather not have them rammed in our faces. That’s been my whole point all along. People do forget due to the sheer volume of events and now we are being told by you to write it in a calendar because we ‘should’ remember them! You must think you’re talking to a school pupil here rather than a parent. I’m not going to be told what I ‘should’ remember thank you!

They’ll be a multitude of quite legitimate reasons, it comes down to our priorities all being quite different due to our circumstances and preferences. I remember the school fayre being a much bigger thing in my mind when just my oldest child was at school, I had a full nights sleep every night and not juggling a fraction of what managing now. Now my priorities are just keeping my children fed, happy, healthy and decent people alongside work and other family commitments etc. yes it’s lovely the pta want to raise money to take the kids to the pantomime at Christmas or buy toys for the playground etc but my children will live fine without both. Their fayre is really at the bottom of my list of priorities and not something I generally have much enthusiasm for. After the experience of countless school fayres over the years which usually involve trudging round an over crowded school hall or playground with the kids begging you to spend money on overpriced tubs of annoying slime or enter a raffle for a bottle of bargain basement wine or range of other people’s unwanted Christmas presents. I much prefer our youngest one’s nursery’s approach of just getting us to pay top up fees. I find the holiday events they put on much better as usually a time when your actually looking for things to keep your children entertained, not after school when the kids are tired and you just want to get home and start dinner/evening routine

That's OK, as a PP just said, sometimes you post a thread on the spur of the moment and find yourself riding the Mumsnet crazy train.
S'all good 🤪

Not my problem you are triggered and yes I wrote it while I was tired! I meant slang!

How is it a derail when the op started a thread about a parent being oblivious to an event that was taking place and we are giving reasons why many parents might forget the umpteen events held by school every single term

It believe it was originally an army term for being out of uniform, being in mufti. You may hear it used in old films.

If you leave out the specifics in the OP, which only the OP can know, the core of this thread is: should parents (mums, TBH - and I’m not saying that’s right or universal) be grateful for the work of PTAs and alert to everything voluntary going on at school, including organised events?

The answer to that has to be no, surely. I wanted nothing to do with organising fund raisers. I couldn’t have cared less if my kids’ schools had dropped fairs, dress up days, charity days, non-uniform/mufti days and all the rest of it.

I was never disrespectful to PTA members and their efforts. I donated when asked, I went to fairs when I could, I tried to keep aware of ‘special’ days so my kids didn’t feel left out. I will admit that I didn’t have a 100% record in knowing every event for every child across all the years of their schooling.

Most of all, though, I paid attention to how my kids were getting on and I always, always supported the teachers and the school if there were issues.

The rest is froth.

Ah you should come to our fayres, our raffles are great 😁 we save all the shitty wine for the tombolas. The raffles are full of vouchers for spa days, days out to local attractions, cash prizes etc.
Last summer holidays I took the kids on three otherwise expensive days out for free, just because my MIL generously bought tonnes of raffle tickets and then gave us all her prizes.
One year before my time, a couple donated a week at their timeshare in Spain to the raffle! And some lucky bugger granddad got it!

You’re the one getting very defensive here. I have offered you options and solutions for your school’s dress up days (that I agree are too much and an odd choice for fundraising) and a way to help you remember events. I also clearly said it is your choice whether to participate in them or not. Whether you go or not, you should still be aware of what is happening in your children’s schools. You seem very upset that part of having children is a participation in their school life. How much participation you give is up to you, but not knowing about a school fair at all, is strange. Even if you didn’t know the exact date off the top of your head, I’m sure you’d be aware it was happening at some point.
Unfortunately PTAs have to do more events to raise the same amount of money as there is less engagement all round, but they still need to help fund things for the school. Perhaps you could go to the next PTA meeting, or ask for some points to be read out if you can’t be there with your opinions and suggestions? If no one is talking the PTA what is and isn’t working they won’t know!

We are going around in circles here. I have already explained my reasons and the pressure we feel to ‘participate’ in dress up days and events. So continuing to say we don’t have to participate is just a non story sorry!

You have offered solutions like “just don’t participate” or “Make your own DIY costumes” or “swap costumes with other parents” or “buy second hand”
My answer to that was I DONT WANT TO AND WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO!

Yet here you are yet again saying the same thing over and over again! You’re just as relentless as the umpteen relentless events happening at school 🙄

So you don’t want to try and change things or do it for cheaper. Then you’ve only got yourself to blame so suck it up and stop complaining.

What the fuck are you talking about?? Change things? Am I responsible for ‘changing things’ at every school across the country? As you can see, it’s not just my children’s school who I have this problem with. Multiple parents from different parts of the country have come on this thread and said the same. Yet you’re expecting me to ‘change things’? How has that become MY problem to fix?? You sound cuckoo!
And no I haven’t only got myself to blame, it’s effecting parents across the UK, not just myself.
You don’t like it because other parents have an opinion that is different to yours so maybe you should just suck that up!

I agree. Our school used to do quite a lot of dress up days but I’ve noticed the last couple of years it’s gone less pressure. So world book day they asked children to wear pyjamas and bring their favourite book to read at bedtime, and they tend to do a lot of wear a certain colour. I think feedback from parents that it wa stop much was listened to.

Our PTA aren’t over the top like many others. The main events they do are the summer and Christmas fairs and the Halloween and spring discos

Of course I’m not talking about every school! Where did that come from? You have a specific example of your school with dress up days. I was responding to that. You can certainly try to change things at your child’s school. No one can change things at every school in the country 😂

I DONT WANT TO AND WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO!

🤣

Because you have kids and that school and that's how they do things?
If you don't want to do it your options are:
-feedback to the school, as others have suggested several times
-move your kids to a different school more to your liking
-take your kids out of school and educate them yourself.

But instead of doing any of these things you are moaning and whining on Mumsnet and bashing the volunteers who give up their time to help make the school better for everyone.

And quite honestly, in the amount of time you've spent whining and bitching on this thread (it's nearly 11am and you've been going since last night) about stupid stuff including the legitimacy of the word "mufti" you could have done something productive about this huge relentless problem you have, like send a nice email to the PTA with your feedback and some helpful suggestions.

That doesn’t stop them doing “dress up days” and putting the pressure on parents to remember all these ridiculous events.

Like has already been said. If we just stop ‘participating’, schools will just find other ways to squeeze funds out of parents by putting on different events or doing something else. Doesn’t get rid of the issue of have to both remember these events and also fund them too! And then having snarky threads created about us on MN!

YABU for the use of Mufti
I often miss the comms because I’m busy - I accept it’s my problem though and definitely don’t blame the school for my lack of organisation. I’m lucky to have nice mum friends who remind me for the important bits.