AIBU to be baffled a mum had no idea the school fayre was happening?

[xAwaywiththefairiesx]

Today my daughter's primary school had a spring fayre after school on the school field. Ice cream van, face-painting, various stalls with games, the usual. All arranged by the PTA to raise money for the school.
There was a mufti day today, and the children were asked to bring a donation to the school as an exchange for the mufti, something like cakes to sell or a teddy for the tombola or a bottle of wine as a prize or something.
One mum wanders onto the field after school, with both of her kids in mufti, looking around bewildered saying "What's this? Is this a new thing they're doing? Will it be every week?"

And this is so weird to me because the spring fayre has been organised for months. We have lots of emails asking for donations, several more asking for volunteers, we've had at least three leaflets home about it, and she obviously got the memo about mufti, the whole point in which was for the school fayre!

My phone own child has been banging on about it for three weeks.

How can she get so unaware? I'm not judging, honestly, I'm just baffled how it got past her.

Is it just me? Could you miss something like this after all that communication?

I've been to primary school, secondary school and university (twice). I've had two children who have completed primary and secondary education and I have worked in education for a quarter of a century.

Never have I ever heard of mufti.

It may have originated in the British army but it's definitely ony used regionally.

In my part of Kent they're called non-uniform days or own clothes days. Never heard of tag or mufti.

If people are so willing to give money but don't want their "time wasted" why do we get virtually nothing when we ask for donations, but the fayres are always extremely well attended, and raise thousands?

The truth is, noone is going to just transfer £20 to the school (and trust me, noone does) but they will wander round the stalls with their kids and spend it in change at various stalls, and local businesses will happily sponsor our events to get our advertising.

This but LOUDER, Hallelujah

Im so pleased i dont have any of that stuff to do now or remembering it.
School days imo were the worst years of my life.

Yabu for calling it a fayre. Fair is fine.

Makes you sound a bit pretentious and saying - 'not judging, honest' just flags you as, judgemental.

Maybe she has a lot on?

I know the term mufti from old 1950s boarding school books! Surely you can imagine a world where a possibly working parent has so much going on that they don't remember everything happening at their child's school especially recreational/ fund-raising activities?

Unfortunately parents have to come because the kids dont want to miss out.
If parents didnt think they would be hounded all year long then they might donate more but when barely 2 weeks go by without another stupid event then they'll probably keep their money for that.
Thing is I dont want to contribute to the school or to other kids, im more than happy to pay for things for my own children but honestly the vast majority of PTA parents I know are the same- good income, mums work a few hours a week, big house, drive big car, see themselves as better than the poor frazzled mum who has no time to read emails and turns up unprepared to said awful event. The giving, charitable PTA mums are baffled by this as they can't comprehend how the 6th daft fayre of the year isnt high in everyone's priority list.

Not knowing a colonial British army term is a shocking lack of general knowledge?

Or maybe not all parts of the U.K. are as invested in that particularly rancid period of history and its vernacular. Certainly where I was (not England) it was called “non-uniform day”. I doubt northerners were throwing around old imperialist expressions either.

The fact that so many people on this thread haven’t heard of it shows it isn’t as widespread as the southern Englanders/people who went to posh schools/people who went to school in the 1950s assume.

Oh boo hoo hoo

"It's all too much for the working parents" 😂

MOST parents work. And every single member of our PTA, who organise the bloody events, not just attend them, work. Our treasurer is a full time accountant. Our chair is a full time teacher in a SEN school.

Don't attend the events if you want to, but don't act like the school are victimising you just because you work and have kids IE: A perfectly average adult life.

They wouldn't do this if they were properly funded.

I genuinely shuddered when I read “fayre.” Then I read about where “mufti” comes from and just thought, I’d be opting out too if I were that mum 🤪

What are the subject lines of emails like? If one says SPRING FAIR FRIDAY MAY 1ST, the recipient can choose whether to read more or just stick that on the calendar.

If it says something vague like "Exciting start to Spring!" they're more likely to think yeah, school's excited, bin it. Even worse if it's "Boggles School Monthly Update" - no relevant information at all.

😂😂😂. Im actually wondering that too..I thought it was that wee rabbit miffy the op meant 🐇.

Thing is I dont want to contribute to the school or to other kids
Clearly. And your continuing insults to those who do give up their time to try and raise money and find ways to make that both effective and enjoyable for the majority of people fit with that attitude.

By all means stay in your bubble and don't contribute. Nobody is going to notice you as an individual not turning up to things. Sounds like you'd be happier if you didn't so don't. Don't read the newsletter, delete emails. It's all completely ignorable if you want it to be.

Fayre game! 😂

@NewGirlInTowngeneral knowledge. Aye, right.

I am hearing the words “shocking lack of” in the Home Counties RP you no doubt speak.

RTFT. Then (perhaps) you’ll understand why it isn’t “general” knowledge.

School staff member here. A parent not knowing about a spring fayre is nothing compared to what some parents don’t know! Excuse the rant but SOME parents just aren’t interested. Don’t read the comms from school, don’t read the posters in the windows, don’t read the reminder texts/emails sent and then moan and bitch that the school haven't told them. They will tell you that they care but they don’t, they simply don’t.

The exact opposite actually, I have a life and cba wasting months of my free time setting up tombola tables and scribbling away notes for a bake sale so I can judge other mums who dont prioritise that, which is exactly what this post is about.
And as I've already said, not everyone has the same 24h, not everyone's work, commute, health, responsibilities etc are the same. So get off your high horse because you've no idea what that woman was focusing on when she forgot to read 1 of a million emails.
Also she maybe just doesnt care either and theres nothing wrong with that.

More like British colonial thing which makes it inappropriate 🤮

I was baffled because her kids were in mufti, which was for the fayre.

I can assure you, that stereotype is not true. We all work, many of us full time. The chair is full time. Most of us are frazzled too, particularly our poor chair, who is a single full time working mum of three, who feels she can't step down because there is noone else willing to take on her role and she knows there would most likely be no PTA.

Theres a mix of income levels and situations and maybe only one of us could be described as "well off". We meet in people's houses in the evenings after work and there's council houses on rough estates and tiny rented flats. We're just ordinary people.

We don't look down on anyone. In fact, when deciding where the funds should go, it's unanimous that they should help people who need it most, the SEN kids and the low income families. We've raised money for free uniforms for parents who can't afford them, new books for the libraries, trips to the theatre for our year 6 leavers, and a whole host of other things.

I get you don't want to join. It's not for everyone. I will probably leave myself at the end of this school year.

But theres really no need to slag off volunteers who are just trying to do a good job. You wouldn't go into a footbank or a homeless shelter and slag their volunteers off and say they are all awful righteous hair-flippers. So why do it to us.

I agree with this. As a parent we get emails all the time with events for the kids to bring in money, charity, cake sales..loads. yesterday's email was "bee yellow day friday 8th may" your child has to wear something yellow and bring in £2 for charity... oh but every year this email is a week before so you are dashing about looking for a yellow top/hair thing/socks..low and behold........nothing!!! More dashing about to buy something yellow so it turns out bee yellow day costs more than bloody 2 quid 😤. EVERY FUCKING YEAR!

I don’t have a job.

I have spent the year actively raising thousands to support two school trips and an international holiday on my own in various ways.

I am not and will never be a member of a PTA as someone described it perfectly up thread. I prefer to take up my own space fundraising to help my kids. The amount of politics I see on display to simply pick school sports day ice creams, get a card reader working and run a disco tuck shop makes me chuckle.

Asking frazzled parents repeatedly to take part in school events, bring a bottle, or buy some raffles tickets is a tough ask. This week alone there was two events to attend or bake for. Today was £1 dress down.

I am basically at a school once a week from now until summer holidays.

I've never ever come across the term mufti in Australia. It's free dress day where I am.

OP all your replies have validated why I never joined the PTA two decades ago! You come across as overbearing and a PITA …sorry!