This is an insult isn’t it?

[catsarekeytohappiness]

If a man said:

’I would much rather talk with you and have a conversation with you than have sex with you. But I wouldn’t choose talking to you over having sex. I would choose having sex with another woman over talking with you.’

That is a back-handed insult isn’t it? The first bit sounds fine, until it’s followed up by the second part. Is there any way that could be construed differently?

Nothing back handed about that, a straight up insult!

It's honest! It depends who said it to you.If it's your partner, it's insulting.

I’d think he was a total twat.

I hope for you sake he has no actual reason to believe that sex with you is actually an option, and if I were you so wouldn’t talk to him again either.

I guess this it what you’d call “negging” these days…

i think it’s pretty direct.

He’ll chat with you as a mate, but he’s not interested sexually/romantically in you.

He is interested in other women and would prioritise pursuing sexual/romantic connections.

Who is this man to you? Someone you’ve slept with?

Depends who is it is. Most men I talk to I would like to know that they are more interested in talking to me than simply seeing me as someone to have sex with.

If my husband said it, he would soon be an ex-husband.

I'd think he was an idiot. I'd have given him a sharp look and said, 'Kind of you. I'd rather not have sex with you, either, and I'd prefer to talk to someone else entirely.'

Wow! I'd be telling him I'd rather be shopping/watching Homes Under the Hammer/on MN than having sex with him.

It is like he heard himself say the first part and then was worried you might possibly think he was trying to be nice, so he then made 100% sure you knew it was an insult all along.

That’s an entirely straightforward, though rather long-winded, insult.

It is very concerning you seem remotely unsure about this Op

Classic negging.

Only sane response: a few seconds of pitying, steady eye contact, followed by ‘Wow.’ And then leaving.

Blimey I'm flummoxed as to how you think that's 'back-handed' 😳

That's a clear, fuck off I prioritise getting laid and I'm not interested in having sex with you.

It's not back-handed. It's pretty direct.

I would be watching Homes under the Hammer above any of it.
As long as Dion Dublin was presenting 🥰😚😝

It's just downright nasty. I hope this isn't someone you thought was a friend?

If this is someone who you are romantically interested in I would say don't bother.

Not backhanded, it’s outright insulting.

His choices in order of preference are
sex with another woman

talking with you
sex with you

The only thing that would make it more depressing is knowing where on the scale he’d rate talking with the woman he’d like to have sex with.

If this is someone you were hoping to have some romance in life with, don't waste anymore time on them, they are not interested in that way.

Well it sounds like a straight up insult to me. However if it wasn't someone I was romantically interested in, I'm not sure it would bother me. And i guess it depends on the context. I think most guys would take sex with someone they fancy over chatting with a friend. So I could see a friend making a jokey comment like this. But then if its someone's way of letting you know they aren't interested then it seems unnecessarily mean.

If you are sleeping with him it is! Or if you think any man not wanting to have sex with you is an insult. If not, it's the rather blunt but perhaps enlightening expression of his order of priorities: he likes talking to you, he doesn't want to have sex with you, and places sex before conversation in his life generally.

I’d be pretty upset if that comment came from my DH. But other than that, I wouldn’t consider it an insult that didn’t want to have sex with me. I’d consider it an insult that they’d think I’d ever have sex with them. If it was a friend, I think I’d feel pretty disappointed in them.

It's an insult for the time you had to waste listening to such blether. If you're going to be a rude knob, at least don't also be a verbose and boring one.

Sounds like the kind of idiot you really don’t need to be wasting your time on.

Not backhanded he called you ugly to your face. Im sure he's no prize picnic so no loss there