Trigger warning: Am I being overprotective re 11 year old being taught in school about serious crimes against children

[Leguminosae]

My DD is 11, in year 7.
She has diagnosed SEN, is on a referral pathway for additional SEN, is not meeting certain developmental milestones, is suffering with clinical anxiety and OCD which our GP is monitoring.
She is a highly sensitive child, she is emotionally immature and she often finds it difficult to regulate her emotions.
For the past 2 weeks, her already profound anxiety has peaked a new high and she has had a really difficult time with extreme anxiety, worry, and her OCD compulsions have gone through the roof. I've been trying to work out what has triggered the spike in anxiety but she's been telling me she doesn't know. Then tonight she broke down in tears at bedtime and said she does know what's been making her feel so worried and anxious the past 2 weeks but she had been trying to hold it in and manage it by herself.
She told me that 2 weeks ago she was in her intervention lesson (a group of 5 children from her year group who need additional teaching intervention due to their SEN), and the teacher talked about the legal age of responsibility regarding crime, and then taught my DD about Robert Thompson and Jon Venables and gave my DD in depth details about exactly what they did to James Bulger. My DD told me how old the boys were, and how old James was, and recounted the details of what they did and the prison sentences they were given. She told me about Venables sentences later in life and the reasons why. She was shown images of the CCTV footage of the boys walking away with James. All of this was taught to her by this teacher. She then detailed how the teacher also taught her about the Soham murders, and recounted details of what happened to Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman, that they were ten years old, and details about Ian Huntley and that he was a caretaker and that he kidnapped and murdered them, and she told me how she was taught about how he was convicted.
My DD knew nothing about these crimes. The teacher taught her about them in detail.
My DD has been distraught all evening. She was crying whilst telling me about these crimes. She kept saying she didn't know things like this happened and said she's been feeling frightened, scared, worried and anxious ever since the teacher taught her, which had made her OCD worse. She had been telling me tonight that she doesn't feel safe anymore knowing this has happened to children and has been very distressed and anxious all evening.
I don't know if I am being unreasonable, but I am beyond upset and shocked that this teacher chose to educate my DD about these crimes. As an adult, I have difficulty thinking about and discussing these cases due to how deeply traumatising they are. How on earth is an 11 year old with SEN and ND supposed to deal with this? What was the point in telling her? I can't see how teaching her about these crimes in her teaching intervention lesson helps to support her SEN. I am angry that I wasn't made aware that this would be being taught, I feel I should have been informed beforehand and given the option to remove my DD from this lesson, which I would have done based on her level of emotional maturity and the debilitating anxiety she has been suffering from for the past 8 months which I've been working really hard to help her with. I cannot see that this is age appropriate teaching. If my DD had been born 10 weeks later she'd be in year 6 of primary school right now. She is in no way ready to be learning about these things, and I feel the teacher has taken away part of her childhood innocence without my consent to do so. I feel very strongly that she had no right to do so, without any communication with me beforehand.

I agree. I would 100% feel the same. Are you able to raise a complaint with the school?

I don't even understand why that would be taught at any age in school tbh. Definitely make a complaint, especially as this teacher knows about your daughter's emotional maturity.

I agree. The teacher behaved very inappropriately towards the group of children.
The safeguarding lead at the school needs to be informed, even to use the exact words above that you have just sent to MN.
Also, the head of the school and the board of governors.
You sound like a great mum and I hope your daughter soon settles.

WTAF

honestly, the things I hear, I would definitely complain

It's possible that nobody knows this teacher is telling kids about this. Why on earth would they need to know?!

Totally inappropriate. Also happened to my neurodiverse DS in year 11 in drama and completely spoilt the subject for him. I agree with previous poster that it should not be a topic at any age at school. It’s such an awful story.

she is 7 that is not ok. That is a discussion that you can have with your child and if she was a teen I would be like yes that is ok.

I have a daughter who has a lot of additional needs. She is 28 now and still wouldn't cope with being told about crimes like these. She went through sen school and college without being exposed to it.

I was even advised to remove her from the NSPCC assembly on child abuse at primary school (she is adopted and the subject matter was way too close to what happened to her in her birth family).

I would raise this formally with the school. Do it in writing so they have to respond officially.

I’m a 44 year old adult and find both of those crimes truly distressing to the point I step away and don’t want the details. It’s totally inappropriate to cover that in year 7.

That’s absolutely bizarre. Even leaving aside the neurodiversity, why go into awful historic crimes like that with kids? Especially as it’s pointless. It’s not like talking about things they may have seen on the news and be worried about, like the attack at Bondi Beach or the wars in the Ukraine and the Middle East, and helping them manage their anxiety. Nor is it teaching about important events in world history like the Holocaust and how we have to prevent something like that happening again. It’s just awful random senseless acts by awful lunatics.

I would complain too and raise it with the head, and I NEVER say that on these threads. Sounds like the teacher may be a true crime fan. Which is fine as a hobby for an adult (though wouldn’t be something I’d like in anyone) but shouldn’t share it with children.

I have OCD but not SEN and I would've been very traumatised by it too. We did the James Bulger case in sixth form psychology and it was upsetting then for everyone. I think we did the world wars and holocaust in year 7 though. I don't blame the teachers, I probably went home and asked my parents why the hell they brought me into such a terrible world...

Who should I address my complaint to?
Are there steps to follow?
I guess I need to look at the school complaints procedure but I feel like I want to email the Head teacher directly.
I didn't know if I was BU though, so wanted to get an idea from other parents here first.
BTW she's not 7, she's 11 (a very young 11, think playing with dolls in make believe play, not a tweenager with social media).

She is eleven.
That still doesn't make it okay, though.

Also, it might still not be appropriate to teach a teenager with SEN about this.

Yes

I was a lot younger for the Jamie Bulger incident, but with Holly and Jessica, I tried hard to avoid it and then one night I saw something on the front cover of a newspaper on my Tube ride home. I was so disturbed by I was literally awake till about 3 am.

There is no excuse for talking to 11-year-olds about this stuff. None whatsoever.

Have you spoken to the parents of the other children?

I was 11 when Jamie Bulger was murdered and found it unfathomable but since having my own dc it’s beyond upsetting.

I don't know them.
It's year 7. I no longer know who any of the children are, let alone the parents.

Christ holy shit I am not surprised you are upset. Who on earth thought this topic would be a good idea?

Although IDK maybe some people might misguidedly think it would be helpful maybe as a sort of warning?? Someone posted about the behaviour problems they have with their 7yo the other day and was advised to ensure that they tell their son all about an autistic young man who died in a US jail because officers thought his self-soothing behaviours were dangerous and tried to stop him from doing them which then escalated. The poster said "Because police will not accept autism as an excuse"

I cannot begin to fathom what the thought process is, except that perhaps they think autistic people are just choosing to be distressed and choosing to express their distress in ways which are upsetting to NT people? Maybe all police officers and jail workers need to be told about the man who died, not autistic children. (And yes, I know murder and abduction is not related in the slightest to autistic "unusual" behaviour. It was just the warning tone or wanting these, specific SEN children to know about the events that made me connect the two things.)

I had my ADHD (probably AuDHD) 7yo in tears tonight because earlier in the day he had shut his younger brother's fingers in a door while trying to push him out of a room. He didn't realise he'd done it immediately and when he did realise he was extremely upset and worried even though he'd been angry at him before. I didn't talk much to him in the moment as I was taking care of the injured child. We ended up having a long talk about how it's a good thing to feel bad when you accidentally hurt somebody and also that although brother was upset and it did hurt his fingers a lot, they are just bruised and will be OK in a couple of days. And also that if he's getting angry with his brother it's more helpful if he can walk away or ask brother to talk calmly, and ask a grown up for help if that doesn't work, because shouting at each other/pushing/hitting at each other just makes the situation worse until someone gets hurt, and then if you're not the one who's hurt you end up feeling like this which isn't nice either. So let's try to focus on how to avoid this happening. However the discussion also veered into whether it would be possible to cut someone's fingers with a door or break them. I know him and I know this is not malicious in intent. He would not be seeking that knowledge in order to use it. He would be trying to understand how the mechanism of injury works, possibly because the idea of injured fingers is frightening, and maybe seeking reassurance about the fact that he is unlikely to injure his brother (or himself) badly by accident/most things in our house are safe and could not injure you. We did also talk about how doors can be dangerous and to make sure that you never close them if someone is holding onto the frame.

I know that some people would hear some aspects of our discussion or have seen part of the interaction (angry child slams smaller child's fingers in door) and instantly write DS off as a violent dangerous thug, which he is not. He made a mistake in judgement and he wanted to understand some context around that. Many children with SEN can have challenging and even aggressive behaviours but it doesn't necessarily mean they are dangerous predators who need to be warned of the consequences of murder

I would definitely enquire at school and let them know your DD has come home highly distressed about these murders and ask them in what context they were presented. I can't TBH think of any reasonable way they could have been but I would probably open the discussion that way because IME if you go in angry they come back defensive. If you go in curious it seems to get you closer to the truth even if they don't then accept your opinion about it.

That’s terrible I would go absolutely mad at the school! Raise an official complaint

@Leguminosae i'm not a parent
Perhaps more people will see your post in the morning who are Parents and who are better able to advise you on how to complain to the school?

I do think the poster who said you should ask a question is probably right. I guess the question is "why are the children being taught details of historic crimes against children?"

Unfortunately, the whole world is set up to be so crazy it seems like the best approach

My limited knowledge is from my goddaughter and her parents had lots of issues communicating with school, because one of their other children SEN and was eventually taken out of mainstream education.

I think any child being taught about the details of these crimes, which it sounds like this group of children was - sorry but it makes me quite mistrustful that the teacher knows what's appropriate

I just cannot think what there is that you might be trying to teach kids. Criminal age of responsibility - the Bulger case is actually not the best example and it's a long time ago, a lot of things have changed since then

The Holly and Jessica case - I just can't think of any excuse. A lesson about not being too trusting? I mean they knew him, so they felt comfortable around him

Still not a reason to teach that to 11-year-olds. I'm so sorry you're having this experience.

Retired secondary headteacher (unable to sleep) here.

I suggest sending an initial email to the head of year, detailing what your daughter has told you and asking if this is part of the curriculum for Y7. Explain that your daughter found it (understandably) distressing and ask for an explanation as to why such a topic has been deemed appropriate for children of her age. Ask what is the point of discussing such upsetting topics.

Say that you are considering raising a formal complaint via the school's complaints policy if you are not satisfied the answers.

Thank you.
Would I be wrong to send an email straight to the Head?
I know DD's HoY as she was previously HoY and subject teacher for my older DC, and I have very low confidence of her dealing with this properly.

I feel for your daughter. Unbelievably, my daughter was told in the same detail by the class teacher about Jamie Bulger in Year 3 of Primary. We were beyond shocked and she was exceptionally upset. It was extremely distressing. It’s years ago now, but was part of why we removed her from the school. We got nowhere with our complaint. Good luck and I hope your complaint is heeded.

Nothing should have been in any more detail than that these crimes happened.

I cannot believe this 😮 Wtaf. Your damn right I would be complaining, very loudly. I would be emailing first thing today, then demanding a meeting with the head.
This is not ok, your poor dd

That’s terrible op. Am glad the “children need to know these things” posters haven’t arrived. Totally inappropriate. What the hell was that teacher thinking? Definitely raise it.