Trigger warning: Am I being overprotective re 11 year old being taught in school about serious crimes against children

[Leguminosae]

My DD is 11, in year 7.
She has diagnosed SEN, is on a referral pathway for additional SEN, is not meeting certain developmental milestones, is suffering with clinical anxiety and OCD which our GP is monitoring.
She is a highly sensitive child, she is emotionally immature and she often finds it difficult to regulate her emotions.
For the past 2 weeks, her already profound anxiety has peaked a new high and she has had a really difficult time with extreme anxiety, worry, and her OCD compulsions have gone through the roof. I've been trying to work out what has triggered the spike in anxiety but she's been telling me she doesn't know. Then tonight she broke down in tears at bedtime and said she does know what's been making her feel so worried and anxious the past 2 weeks but she had been trying to hold it in and manage it by herself.
She told me that 2 weeks ago she was in her intervention lesson (a group of 5 children from her year group who need additional teaching intervention due to their SEN), and the teacher talked about the legal age of responsibility regarding crime, and then taught my DD about Robert Thompson and Jon Venables and gave my DD in depth details about exactly what they did to James Bulger. My DD told me how old the boys were, and how old James was, and recounted the details of what they did and the prison sentences they were given. She told me about Venables sentences later in life and the reasons why. She was shown images of the CCTV footage of the boys walking away with James. All of this was taught to her by this teacher. She then detailed how the teacher also taught her about the Soham murders, and recounted details of what happened to Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman, that they were ten years old, and details about Ian Huntley and that he was a caretaker and that he kidnapped and murdered them, and she told me how she was taught about how he was convicted.
My DD knew nothing about these crimes. The teacher taught her about them in detail.
My DD has been distraught all evening. She was crying whilst telling me about these crimes. She kept saying she didn't know things like this happened and said she's been feeling frightened, scared, worried and anxious ever since the teacher taught her, which had made her OCD worse. She had been telling me tonight that she doesn't feel safe anymore knowing this has happened to children and has been very distressed and anxious all evening.
I don't know if I am being unreasonable, but I am beyond upset and shocked that this teacher chose to educate my DD about these crimes. As an adult, I have difficulty thinking about and discussing these cases due to how deeply traumatising they are. How on earth is an 11 year old with SEN and ND supposed to deal with this? What was the point in telling her? I can't see how teaching her about these crimes in her teaching intervention lesson helps to support her SEN. I am angry that I wasn't made aware that this would be being taught, I feel I should have been informed beforehand and given the option to remove my DD from this lesson, which I would have done based on her level of emotional maturity and the debilitating anxiety she has been suffering from for the past 8 months which I've been working really hard to help her with. I cannot see that this is age appropriate teaching. If my DD had been born 10 weeks later she'd be in year 6 of primary school right now. She is in no way ready to be learning about these things, and I feel the teacher has taken away part of her childhood innocence without my consent to do so. I feel very strongly that she had no right to do so, without any communication with me beforehand.

Many of us watched these cases unfold as they were investigated, on the TV news or in the papers, often aged 11 or even younger. They affected us, certainly, but didn't cause us unbearable psychological scarring. That a Y7 child might be exposed to the awful things making the headlines was not, twenty or thirty years ago, seen as unusual or undesirable. Our parents had the TV on in the living room or the newspaper spread out on the dining table and we couldn't help but pay attention. Nowadays parents scroll through the news silently on their phones and children are kept happily isolated from it. But that isn't necessarily a good thing.

You CAN, but it's very likely the head will simply pass it straight to the HoY (or perhaps a deputy). But I won't tell you not to - although he/she won't directly investigate it, s/he will require a report back. S/he might delegate the contact back to you to the investigating colleague, however.

My DCs are year 11 and year 13 and nothing similar has ever been discussed with them. Things that may be triggering or where parents may not approve eg sex education or drugs awareness have always been explained to parents first. I hope your daughter feels better soon. Those crimes are the sort of thing I would turn if were on TV so I think it’s wrong you’re DD was exposed at such a young age.

11 year olds can be targets for county lines, grooming gangs, peer abuse, online abuse/bullying. So if she’s in mainstream she needs some awareness to keep herself safe.
It shouldn’t be done in way that causes this level of upset but you can’t protect her childhood innocence now she’s in mainstream secondary she will be hearing and seeing inappropriate stuff from other kids. A disproportionate number of groomed children have Sen. Often they are more trusting and less suspicious of other people’s intentions. Her immaturity and Sen makes her an easier target for bad actors unfortunately.

Is it possible it was a discussion about criminal responsibility, using the case names as examples, and that DD has done her own research to add all the detail?

I agree you need to take it up with the school and find out exactly what did happen and why, but be ready to hear it's not quite the way you've been told (or the world has gone mad).

I'd do exactly as @VickyEadieofThigh recommended.

And unless I was very satisfied with the outcome I would be putting in that formal complaint.

It is important to listen to the teacher's side of it too - anyone accused of anything at work needs a right of reply. It doesn't mean anyone is disbelieving DD, it's just a part of the process

I have wondered today whether perhaps the teacher has mental health issues, maybe due to stress, at home or in school, to have behaved so inappropriately towards 11 year olds.
As I posted yesterday, however, and whoever you email at the school, and definitely the headteacher,
the teacher concerned I believe is not fit to have contact with children in her current role as a teacher. She may herself be in need of counselling and seems to be a danger to children to have spoken to 11 year olds in such detail about crimes that even adults struggle to think about.
The leadership of the school needs to take this matter very seriously.

Thank you.
I haven't emailed the school yet because I decided to give myself the BH weekend to process things, make sure I'm not overreacting, and word a complaint in a calm measured way rather than an emotional way. I'm giving myself time to calm down. But I plan to contruct the email Monday night, ready to send on Tuesday.

The issue with this for a child with OCD is that it will likely cause intrusive thoughts that THEY could be guilty or commit such a crime. OP, are you sure that that’s not what’s going on here?

Id also want to make absolutely sure that things did unfold as reported. It just sounds so incredibly bizarre. Does your DD have access to the internet?

I was vaguely aware of James Bulger growing up, but I didn’t know any details other than two children killed another child.

I learnt the details as an adult a few years ago - literally just read the Wikipedia page. I have felt deeply disturbed by it ever since - I know some will say that’s melodramatic but it’s how I feel. I even had a gut-wrenching sinking feeling in my stomach when I read his name in this post. I don’t think I’m unusual for feeling that, I’ve spoken to many other adults who’ve said they feel the exact same.

I cannot imagine why on earth anyone would feel the details of this case to be appropriate for children to learn in school. I do not think you’re over-reacting in the slightest OP.

Do feel free to DM me if you want any advice about wording your email. Or next steps.

Yes, I wonder if any of this info might have come from peers (who may have internet access even if DD doesn't) or covert internet access via someone else's phone.

The genie is out of the bottle unfortunately and you still have to deal with the consequences but investigating will help make sense of it and help stop something similar happening again. It was normal, if not completely reliable, at DS schools for sensitive children to get a heads up and chance to opt out of potentially upsetting material. It is a reasonable adjustment.

But, children and young teens need to be aware. It's a big scary world out there. How will these kids manage a job and family?

I don't think learning about horrific crimes against children at 11 years old is going to help someone navigate the work place or their future household. If anything it's exposing them to disgusting things at a vulnerable age. It's completely inappropriate

I would ask to see the lesson plan which should detail the purpose, aims and learning objectives of the session, plus the risk assessment which should have been carried out for such an emotive, potentially psychologically damaging topic. Plus where in the school curriculum this fits. Then watch them flounder when they can’t explain or justify it.

There are age appropriate ways of informing young people about the dangers that exist in the world. This was not one of those ways.

I hate the way so much violence is shown on news websites now. I don’t want or need to see graphic videos of real people being stabbed or beaten or run over. Nobody does.

I would check internet history, just to check what she may have seen online herself (and if she’s googled in school why this hasn’t been blocked by their firewall, and if they do allow it how they are monitored)

My DS (anxiety etc) was triggered by the teacher talking about street safetyin year 7. He was very nervous about bringing left alone at home and I had to meet him from the bus stop for a few weeks.

So being unaware of details of that type of crimes will stop them growing up and getting jobs? Really?

This would be exactly the approach I’d take.

I was in year 7 when this happened. It was the talk of the school. I don't feel that I was too young to know about it, I read the newspapers every day before school so knew what had happened and as the police investigation went on.

Same. Even the smallest details from these cases haunts me and gives me anxiety. These crimes are horrific and I would be livid if someone told my child about them. I would question the motives of the teacher.

This!