Trigger warning: Am I being overprotective re 11 year old being taught in school about serious crimes against children

[Leguminosae]

My DD is 11, in year 7.
She has diagnosed SEN, is on a referral pathway for additional SEN, is not meeting certain developmental milestones, is suffering with clinical anxiety and OCD which our GP is monitoring.
She is a highly sensitive child, she is emotionally immature and she often finds it difficult to regulate her emotions.
For the past 2 weeks, her already profound anxiety has peaked a new high and she has had a really difficult time with extreme anxiety, worry, and her OCD compulsions have gone through the roof. I've been trying to work out what has triggered the spike in anxiety but she's been telling me she doesn't know. Then tonight she broke down in tears at bedtime and said she does know what's been making her feel so worried and anxious the past 2 weeks but she had been trying to hold it in and manage it by herself.
She told me that 2 weeks ago she was in her intervention lesson (a group of 5 children from her year group who need additional teaching intervention due to their SEN), and the teacher talked about the legal age of responsibility regarding crime, and then taught my DD about Robert Thompson and Jon Venables and gave my DD in depth details about exactly what they did to James Bulger. My DD told me how old the boys were, and how old James was, and recounted the details of what they did and the prison sentences they were given. She told me about Venables sentences later in life and the reasons why. She was shown images of the CCTV footage of the boys walking away with James. All of this was taught to her by this teacher. She then detailed how the teacher also taught her about the Soham murders, and recounted details of what happened to Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman, that they were ten years old, and details about Ian Huntley and that he was a caretaker and that he kidnapped and murdered them, and she told me how she was taught about how he was convicted.
My DD knew nothing about these crimes. The teacher taught her about them in detail.
My DD has been distraught all evening. She was crying whilst telling me about these crimes. She kept saying she didn't know things like this happened and said she's been feeling frightened, scared, worried and anxious ever since the teacher taught her, which had made her OCD worse. She had been telling me tonight that she doesn't feel safe anymore knowing this has happened to children and has been very distressed and anxious all evening.
I don't know if I am being unreasonable, but I am beyond upset and shocked that this teacher chose to educate my DD about these crimes. As an adult, I have difficulty thinking about and discussing these cases due to how deeply traumatising they are. How on earth is an 11 year old with SEN and ND supposed to deal with this? What was the point in telling her? I can't see how teaching her about these crimes in her teaching intervention lesson helps to support her SEN. I am angry that I wasn't made aware that this would be being taught, I feel I should have been informed beforehand and given the option to remove my DD from this lesson, which I would have done based on her level of emotional maturity and the debilitating anxiety she has been suffering from for the past 8 months which I've been working really hard to help her with. I cannot see that this is age appropriate teaching. If my DD had been born 10 weeks later she'd be in year 6 of primary school right now. She is in no way ready to be learning about these things, and I feel the teacher has taken away part of her childhood innocence without my consent to do so. I feel very strongly that she had no right to do so, without any communication with me beforehand.

I would complain and also ask some questions.

What is the aim of these interventions? Is there a lesson plan for them? What was the lesson plan for this particular lesson? How did the conversation come about? Why was it deemed necessary to go into so much detail about these crimes? Was there any consideration given /risk assessment made due to your DD’s OCD and anxiety?

Look for the deputy head for curriculum. Then you still have the head remaining if you want to formalise your complaint.

I actually do sometimes mention things like these as context for a few things we explore in English so you never know; they’re referenced in books, we did Noughts and crosses so discussed Stephen Lawrence for example - BUT we didn’t discuss in detail and did it appropriately as related to the topic. If it’s criminal responsibility could be pshe?

id definitely explore and probably complain the level of detail was unnecessary and distressing. Whatever the reason if it’s left your child this upset it’s been mishandled.

Me too. I was a teenager when it happened and I remember a friend watched a documentary about it, detailing what happened. She was in tears just taking about it. I remember one thing she told me that those boys did and I’ve never forgotten it and it was ONE horrific detail. I chose not to hear any more as it felt like too much both then and now as a wonan in my 40s. Your poor DD. I would be absolutely furious. Definitely complain

Following on I’d start with either the head of subject if it was in a particular subjects intervention or the safeguarding lead, given the disturbing nature of the discussion it would be relevant. Try to be measured - i think it is really upsetting and I can completely understand why you’re angry. I hope this is an inexperienced teacher who’s got it wrong and can get better guidance. Not making excuses but it can be hard as 22 yo for example to remember just how young y7s are. But no curriculum should have this level of detail.

Yeah outlining what happened is not so bad but in detail is a horrible thing to do to a child. I think a lot of us are haunted by what happened to poor little Jamie, still feel sick for him and his family, theres no need for a child to know about it tbh.

I’m quite relaxed about kids knowing stuff early (I’m probably one of the “kids need to know this stuff crowd as pp put it) but this was just unnecessary. I find the details utterly harrowing as a woman in my 40’s, can’t imagine what a child would make of it.

I would complain about this.

There’s “needing to know” and there’s revelling in horrific detail. Also these crimes are rare so I would want to hear a good justification of why they “need to know” anyway.

That doesn't sound good.

Whenever my year 5 had any RSHE lessons they always send us the video in advance so we know what sort of things will be covered...I know they have covered abuse in one lesson.
I've checked with DS and his only comments have been that some lessons have been 'cringe' but he's never been upset by any of them.

I think that all kids of this age - ND or NT - would find this upsetting.

If the teacher wanted to teach them about age of criminal responsibility because they and their peers are now at that age, she should have focused on crimes they are more likely to encounter (shoplifting, selling drugs, possibly sending inappropriate photos etc) not a case that is notorious precisely because it was so unusual.

And what was the point of telling them about Ian Huntley - to terrify them? I would want to know what the learning objectives were and why it was deemed a suitable and necessary lesson for these 5 students

There are separate issues here. Should the material around age of criminal responsibility be taught? Yes. Should children be aware of crime going on around them and the actions to take to protect themselves if exposed to it - i.e. speaking up to a trusted adult. Yes.

Should those particular examples of crimes be used? No they are remotely appropriate for that age or vulnerability cohort. Totally inappropriate.

really inappropriate, not surprised you are upset. i hope your dd is ok.

btw for posters referring to james bulger, his mum was always very clear his name was james not jamie.

Check the school complaints procedure.

The teacher sounds unhealthily obsessed with this case. It definitely needs to be raised higher up.

Children need to be taught in an age appropriate way about what is safe, they don’t need excessive detail, I don’t see how relaying those awful cases was helpful.

My friend, a teacher has had children that have been involved with county lines at that age, their older siblings got them involved so it is important to teach them but in a sensible manner. Mind you those children are trapped in chaotic families and yep social services do know. Don’t stand a chance in life really.

The retired heads reply is the right course of action, if you don’t think the HOY will deal with it well then cc the head (but address it to HOY). I’m an ex teacher and I agree this is completely inappropriate.

I agree that any level of specific detail was irresponsible and carried a clear risk of unnecessary distress. Even to an adult, I would not go into any level of detail about a crime I'd read about without their explicit consent. However, I do think the wider context of "not everyone is kind so it's important to trust your instincts and lessons your family has taught you about personal safety - both with your peers and adults, even if you know them" is an important message, particularly for SEN children. SEN children are at a higher risk of being manipulated and I am aware of a few friends' children/stepchildren who were already being bullied into sending images of themselves at 11, so I would definitely ensure my child knows the basics of "if anyone tries to make you do something and you'd feel uncomfortable with me knowing you did it, it's likely they are not being kind. Try to stay away from anyone who makes you feel like this and tell me or another trusted adult so we can support you."

Bet she’s one of those “lest we forget” types who believes that people should always know the intricate details of the most heinous crimes because we should never forget the distress of the victims or the depravity of the perpitrators. Although generally IME it’s more of a self interest in true crime which motivates these people.

We see them on here too. Spelling out the most horrendous details of crimes both past and present.

It’s unnecessary.

To an extent I can see that if it’s something which is appearing in the news at the moment then a discussion could be warranted, but going into the detail of something which happened over 30 years serves 0 purpose what so ever. And I speak as someone who was a bit of a news junky all my life and always took an interest in current affairs even as a child.

I wouldn’t be happy.

That's shocking, absolutely too young and so inappropriate. I would definitely speak to the school, and find out what has happened.

I read about the cases at the time, but after having my second child someone sent me a chain email with details of the James Bulger case. It caused me so much distress that I couldn't sleep, was having intrusive thoughts and made my PND much worse.

For this to be shared with a yesr 7 child is awful, and so unnecessary.

Practical advice for your daughter would be to get the anxiety gremlin workbook. Make a an emergency crisis kit to help her distract from her anxiety. Have two, a portable one for her school bag and one for home.

https://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/blog/how-to-make-a-self-soothe-box/

This website has loads of useful techniques and info to manage mental health. Horrible website as theres loads of adverts but excellent information and resources

I can’t really imagine how or why the detail or these crimes would be relevant. As a former teacher who leads safeguarding training, we always give trigger warnings and permission to leave the room should discussion of cases prove upsetting. That’s to grown adults who are professionals because it’s an upsetting topic. I’m not saying I can’t see any reason why criminal responsibility might be discussed. But this seems well beyond that with no care taken.

OP I am a teacher and would be horrified if this happened to my children. I would request a face to face meeting with the Headteacher if possible. Utterly disgraceful and so unprofessional, the teacher should not be teaching! I hope your daughter is OK. 💐

No that's awful, no child needs to be told the full detail of those cases. Of course it's important to teach them to be wary of unknown adults. But the chance of being abducted and murdered is absolutely tiny, and the chance of being murdered by another child is tinier still.

My DD is also Y7 and summer born so age 11, though no SEN. They recently had a police officer in to talk to the Y7s about knife crime. I appreciate it's an important message to say, don't carry knives, it could be turned on you, or you could end up killing someone else and face years in prison. But they also told them about a case of a girl sitting on a park bench being randomly stabbed to death by a gang member she had nothing to do with. It scared my DD and I didn't think it was useful to tell them this as a) it's incredibly unlikely to happen and b) what are they supposed to do with this information, never go to the park with friends?

I don't think it's inappropriate to mention those crimes to Year Sevens (though I appreciate that OP's daughter is SEN, so has vulnerabilities that others in her age group might not have) - but it's inappropriate to go into excruciating detail, which it seems is what the teacher did at least with the Jamie Bulger case.

It sounds like the teacher gave a rather vivid description of what those boys did to Jamie. All the teacher needed to do was say that two ten-year-old boys kidnapped and murdered Jamie Bulger, and as 10 years old is the age of responsibility, they were punished for it. It's an upsetting story either way, but I would imagine the daughter wouldn't have found it quite so distressing if it had just been a simple "two ten-year-old boys committed murder."

There’s been a lot in the press recently around children/ young adults committing crimes so I wonder if it was a somewhat misguided attempt to ensure that children don’t go on to commit these crimes. And while I agree with the principal I think the fact it has given you daughter anxiety may mean they have pitched the lesson too high and this level of detail may have been more suited to older children.
Regarding a complaint you shouldn’t go straight to the head there is usually a complaints procedure which should be on the schools website and the head will only become involved once the other people in the chain have been involved. Again details of who to start with should be in their complaints procedures.
I think you said you don’t trust the HoY so is there a head of lower school? Or curriculum lead, who by the way should oversee what is delivered in lessons!

Wtf is wrong with that teacher?

Talking to vulnerable young children about the sexual abuse, torture and murder of a toddler is so fucking wrong.

Your poor daughter 💐