5 year old suddenly weeing on bed and couch of a morning, AIBU?

[WetBedder]

AIBU to not have a clue why this is happening?

DD has been potty trained for a few years and used to have very occasional accidents when distracted. However in the last few weeks we have been struggling with her weeing on the couch and bed of a morning. She doesn’t tell us that she has weed either - I asked why and she said “I didn’t want you to be mad”. For reference I have never been angry at her for having an accident, I was very patient at first but now it’s getting ridiculous and I’m washing her sheets once a day and I’m finding myself frustrated trying to find out why she is doing this.

Upon the first few accidents we took her to the GP - I did ask DD if it hurt to wee or if she had any pain anywhere but she said no, and she had been going to the toilet completely fine during the day. Took her anyway as UTIs aren’t always symptomatic. GP prescribed antibiotics as a precaution so she completed the course, went to ex’s house for 3 days (as usual every week), came back and ex said she had no accidents. I then thought we were past it. That was 2 days ago.

However I discovered while putting her to bed this evening that she weed again and did not say anything. Had to strip sheets again. I asked her why she is weeing and she said “I don’t feel it coming”. But I don’t understand this because she can go to the toilet independently at school and at home during the day. She knows at these times that she needs a wee. So why, when she is fully awake in the morning (because this is not happening when asleep) does she do it? I’m tearing my hair out trying to find a) a reason, and b) a way to stop it happening!

She gets up before us at 5am and I assume this is the time she’s doing it. I have a 5 month old DS and desperately need my sleep so I am not entertaining her at this time, but she doesn’t go back to sleep so I just have to leave her to it in her room or the living room.

She is not constipated as she has regular poos so this is out of the question. She doesn’t drink lots of fluids before bed, usually doesn’t want a drink past 6pm and goes to bed at 7-7:30pm. AFAIK there is nothing wrong with bladder.

Also AIBU to put pull ups on at bedtime? I have thought about it but didn’t want to encourage the behaviour by letting her wee in a pullup or infantilise her, but it might be the only thing that’s going to stop my washing machine from going constantly.

What the hell do I do?

You just have to get up with her clearly. She's only little!

Does she drink ribena or own-brand equivalents? Blackcurrant is a bladder irritant which can cause bed wetting in kids.

My second thought was, like another PP, a sign of sexual abuse. Sorry.

Show her the work she makes - make her help change the sheets, clean the sofa. Also let her know you are not pleased and it is not acceptable.
Star chart for dry days helps with some children but do not let her know that it's ok, doesn't matter. It does

She is 5 and she just needed mum to get up with her.

Yes unfortunately this crossed my mind too. Seen it in a professional setting. Bit of a cry for help situation. I think a really honest chat with a lot of love telling her she can tell you anything would be good, and asking directly has anybody touched her or exposed themselves inappropriately in front of her or just done anything that made her uncomfortable. Might take a few attempts but worth really trying on this as it’s so important not to miss.

Sorry but you need to get up of bed & supervise her, she’s five she’s still to little to be left alone she’s crying out for attention. Give her attention.

Yes this also, it’s strange how it doesn’t happen at her dads but does at home.

You're going to need to get up with her at 5am and take her straight to the toilet. Try that for a while and see if it helps.
I know the early wakes are brutal, my ds woke at 4-5am everyday for 3yrs. I would dose on the couch while he watched tv or played with toys.

Perhaps her Dad got up with her in the morning.

I agree that you need to get up at 5am if that's the time she generally wakes up, and just take her to the loo, once she's been you should be able to relax and go back to sleep if that's what you would normally do.

Tell her that the first thing you do when you get up is go and have a wee, and that it's something everyone should do as soon as they get up, as overnight your water tank gets full up, and so needs emptying before you do anything else, otherwise it overflows, and that's how she ends up wetting her PJ's. I assume you make her go to the loo last thing every night before she goes to sleep don't you? Assuming you do, then it should be easy to explain why she needs to do it again as soon as she wakes up.

I think you can do this at 5. Or at least have her join in, I'd be pretty low on attention too and "take the pillowcase off.... We're not talking about anything else, we need to deal with the bed". Make it effort and boring for her. At 5 she is old enough to know that weeing in bed isn't OK. She takes the sheets, loads the machine, and then later helps hang them out. I'd also throw in a bit of "mummy can't play now, she's dealing with the sheets".

Alongside that, I'd get her up at 5am,wee and then she goes back to bed and so do you.

@NameChangeScot

surely you should be wide awake and watching him, not dozing?

A six year old does not need constant attention, it's not possible to function on less than 4-5hrs sleep a night for years on end, I had a newborn at the same time

Don’t forget, everyone on MN is a perfect parent who has endless energy - and children under 16 must be supervised at all times.

God knows how anyone got on when having 4+ children was the norm.

12/1am then, keep the lights off, no talking, take her onto loo then straight back into bed. You need to try something unless you want the 5 am wake up call for the next several years. I wouldn’t be putting up with it at that time so would be working on adjusting her sleep cycle and this theory will help that issue as well as the bed wetting problem. The advice is to stir them gently in the night to get them into a different sleep cycle which means they will sleep for longer, you have to do it for a few days at least for it to take effect.

https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/child-health-development/continence-issues