5 year old suddenly weeing on bed and couch of a morning, AIBU?

[WetBedder]

AIBU to not have a clue why this is happening?

DD has been potty trained for a few years and used to have very occasional accidents when distracted. However in the last few weeks we have been struggling with her weeing on the couch and bed of a morning. She doesn’t tell us that she has weed either - I asked why and she said “I didn’t want you to be mad”. For reference I have never been angry at her for having an accident, I was very patient at first but now it’s getting ridiculous and I’m washing her sheets once a day and I’m finding myself frustrated trying to find out why she is doing this.

Upon the first few accidents we took her to the GP - I did ask DD if it hurt to wee or if she had any pain anywhere but she said no, and she had been going to the toilet completely fine during the day. Took her anyway as UTIs aren’t always symptomatic. GP prescribed antibiotics as a precaution so she completed the course, went to ex’s house for 3 days (as usual every week), came back and ex said she had no accidents. I then thought we were past it. That was 2 days ago.

However I discovered while putting her to bed this evening that she weed again and did not say anything. Had to strip sheets again. I asked her why she is weeing and she said “I don’t feel it coming”. But I don’t understand this because she can go to the toilet independently at school and at home during the day. She knows at these times that she needs a wee. So why, when she is fully awake in the morning (because this is not happening when asleep) does she do it? I’m tearing my hair out trying to find a) a reason, and b) a way to stop it happening!

She gets up before us at 5am and I assume this is the time she’s doing it. I have a 5 month old DS and desperately need my sleep so I am not entertaining her at this time, but she doesn’t go back to sleep so I just have to leave her to it in her room or the living room.

She is not constipated as she has regular poos so this is out of the question. She doesn’t drink lots of fluids before bed, usually doesn’t want a drink past 6pm and goes to bed at 7-7:30pm. AFAIK there is nothing wrong with bladder.

Also AIBU to put pull ups on at bedtime? I have thought about it but didn’t want to encourage the behaviour by letting her wee in a pullup or infantilise her, but it might be the only thing that’s going to stop my washing machine from going constantly.

What the hell do I do?

Has this started since the birth of your baby, OP?

If its only in the morning when she gets up alone, is she afraid of using the toilet by herself?

Would she put a pull up on in the morning once she wakes up?

I have a DC with continence issues and sleep issues so I feel your pain and no way would I be getting up at 5am when she is safe to be left to potter about alone.

If uti is definitely ruled out (DC here always needs 7 day course of AB but is v prone to infection)

This happened to us twice with our 5/6 year old. She’d been reliably out of nappies at nighttime since age 3.

Both times DD had worms.

We figured it was irritating her in the night, just enough to wake her and make her wee but not enough to fully wake her up

She is crying out for attention.

Definitely pull-ups, definitely speak to a pharmacist about worms. Poor thing, hope things settle (for you all!!) soon.

Oh having read again properly (sorry) she’s doing it in the morning, when fully awake.

is she doing it at her dad’s house too, on th 3 days she spends there?

hmmm does seem to be a behavioural reason.

unless she’s weeing at 5am and that’s what’s waking her up so early, being wet and cold.

but why the sofa then? Hmmm

my DD that age is terrified of the dark. (Suddenly, out of nowhere. Never was before.) she imagines all sorts from off the TV, faces in things etc, and won’t go upstairs to the toilet on her own. Could your daughter be the same? Maybe she’s waking up, too scared to go to bathroom and is either holding it and weeing in bed or going downstairs, holding it and weeing on sofa. Is there some kind of nightlight that could go in the bathroom maybe?

No. Only started a few weeks ago.

She doesn’t do it at dad’s. She only does it after getting up and then getting back into bed or sitting on couch to read, watch tv or play. I know it’s not right after she wakes as she will come into our room with PJs on still dry. It’s usually a little while after and she has taken PJS and knickers off; this is the only way I know she has weed somewhere.

The house is usually well lit and it gets light outside shortly after waking so it can’t be a darkness issue.

DP thinks she may have issues connecting behaviour and consequences, i.e she wees, it gets washed for her. She does something where the consequence is item/experience being taken away; she will ask for it repeatedly and ask why over and over when I say no and explain why.

Also for PP who said she is crying out for attention, why would she not tell us if she has done it then? She gets plenty of attention as I am a SAHM and DP is home by 4:30, plus she gets lots more attention from grandparents, ex and his family. She is not short on attention. I have always made an effort to include her when DS needs attention. We take her to the park with friends. We read with her every night when DS is in bed. I can’t see what more she needs.

There must be some underlying reason whether emotional or attention

as she isn’t doing it at her dads

does she wake atv5 there and what does he do?

I would have a really good look at your bathroom between 5 and 6am. It might be light enough for you but is it light enough for her. Is there a tree outside that has grown since last year that is casting a weird shadow? Is there a monster under the sink? Is there a pigeon nesting outside flapping wings?

I think I would start with the "please wake me up and I'll come watch the bathroom door" and see if that stops her weeing elsewhere first. Whoever doesn't get up for the baby will have to be the one who guards the door. Hopefully it stops it within a week and then it's a matter of elimination of what else. Monsters and shadows are very scary at 5yrs.

Sounds like there’s a lot going on for her, moving between two households and also having a new baby in the house who stays with their mummy and daddy full time. This could maybe be related to it.

Could you tell her she needs to do a wee before she can watch tv?

Id be tempted to take it in turns to get up with her for a while just to see what’s happening and also because she’s so little and it’s a long time for her to be alone in the mornings.

Is she worried about waking the baby up by going to the toilet?

Sounds like she's not going to the toilet as soon as she gets up, as most of us have to, and instead getting involved with something else or going off downstairs, then she loses control of her very full bladder.
Might sound obvious, but have you told her that the first thing she has to do in a morning is go to the toilet?

She gets up before us at 5am and I assume this is the time she’s doing it. I have a 5 month old DS and desperately need my sleep so I am not entertaining her at this time, but she doesn’t go back to sleep so I just have to leave her to it in her room or the living room.
The easiest thing to try would be letting her come in the room, saying good morning to her, taking her to the loo, then letting her read or something else quiet in your room.

She is not short on attention. I have always made an effort to include her when DS needs attention. We take her to the park with friends. We read with her every night when DS is in bed. I can’t see what more she needs. She needs you in the morning when she wakes up, clearly.

My 5 year old has done similar (but no new baby here, she is youngest). Basically potty trained herself at 2, then at 5 suddenly kept having accidents. It was due to a UTI (which she has had before) but for some reason it took ages to retrain her. She had an accident the other night but that's been the first for a while fortunately, but probably had 3 months of night time pull-ups and bedwetting incidents. We did the following: 1) reward when dry in the morning 2) she had to help change bed when wet 3) toilet before bed 4) limit water before bed / no overnight water and 5) install plug in, motion activated night lights between her bedroom and toilet.

I came on the thread to suggest worms!
My DD2 is prone to contracting them, and when she has them she starts to have random accidents. She is embarrassed by them, clearly just can't control it coming.

DC1 did this when they started school. It was stress.

I’m sorry but you have a new partner and a baby there is no way she is getting the same amount of attention she previously did. Also she’s getting shipped off to her dads for several days every week. Poor girl must be so stressed and confused. How on earth do you expect her to explain to you what’s going on. I think she needs to see a play therapist or family therapist to try and help her process everything. It’s so sad how many parents prioritise their wants over their existing children’s needs.

Partner has been in her life since she was 1. Ex and I split a month after birth. The custody arrangement was not in my control as I was railroaded in court. Was I meant to never have another child? What is up with this rhetoric that having a new partner means you don’t care about your existing child?

I wouldn’t have her watching tv when she gets up at five. For a start that might be why she is getting up at five, the lure of tv. But mostly she might be getting so into it that she’s not going to the toilet. I’d stick to just reading books in the mornings.

The key point is that she doesn’t do at her dads

so why not

or what is triggering her at yours ?

Is she drinking more in the warmer weather (assuming it's warm where you are) and then is frightened to use the bathroom by herself first thing in the morning?

Have you started giving her anything new to drink? Blackcurrant squash ĥas that affect on some children.

If she is getting up at 5am and not managing basic toileting then you absolutely do need to ‘entertain’ her. You are looking for a solution but refusing to see the obvious one, you will have to get up and look after her. She is far too young to be left at that time of the morning to just watch tv.

I used to have terrible problems with my middle child & the toilet. It transpires that he'd seen a TV program about rats in sewers & he was scared one was going to come up through the toilet & bite him. He was 19 when he told me this. We'd been through medical tests galore, & all the time it was a fear of sewer rats.