5 year old suddenly weeing on bed and couch of a morning, AIBU?

[WetBedder]

AIBU to not have a clue why this is happening?

DD has been potty trained for a few years and used to have very occasional accidents when distracted. However in the last few weeks we have been struggling with her weeing on the couch and bed of a morning. She doesn’t tell us that she has weed either - I asked why and she said “I didn’t want you to be mad”. For reference I have never been angry at her for having an accident, I was very patient at first but now it’s getting ridiculous and I’m washing her sheets once a day and I’m finding myself frustrated trying to find out why she is doing this.

Upon the first few accidents we took her to the GP - I did ask DD if it hurt to wee or if she had any pain anywhere but she said no, and she had been going to the toilet completely fine during the day. Took her anyway as UTIs aren’t always symptomatic. GP prescribed antibiotics as a precaution so she completed the course, went to ex’s house for 3 days (as usual every week), came back and ex said she had no accidents. I then thought we were past it. That was 2 days ago.

However I discovered while putting her to bed this evening that she weed again and did not say anything. Had to strip sheets again. I asked her why she is weeing and she said “I don’t feel it coming”. But I don’t understand this because she can go to the toilet independently at school and at home during the day. She knows at these times that she needs a wee. So why, when she is fully awake in the morning (because this is not happening when asleep) does she do it? I’m tearing my hair out trying to find a) a reason, and b) a way to stop it happening!

She gets up before us at 5am and I assume this is the time she’s doing it. I have a 5 month old DS and desperately need my sleep so I am not entertaining her at this time, but she doesn’t go back to sleep so I just have to leave her to it in her room or the living room.

She is not constipated as she has regular poos so this is out of the question. She doesn’t drink lots of fluids before bed, usually doesn’t want a drink past 6pm and goes to bed at 7-7:30pm. AFAIK there is nothing wrong with bladder.

Also AIBU to put pull ups on at bedtime? I have thought about it but didn’t want to encourage the behaviour by letting her wee in a pullup or infantilise her, but it might be the only thing that’s going to stop my washing machine from going constantly.

What the hell do I do?

If your 5 year old daughter wakes up at 5am she needs an adult to get up with her. Poor little love

I agree it think you need to wake up with her at 5 unfortunately and try and make up your sleep elsewhere. At 5 they still need support, what time do you get up???

Get up with her when she wakes and take her to the toilet. I know 5am is an awful time to get up but needs must.

My DCs put off going to the toilet first thing as long as possible - if there's ever an accident, it's at that time of day (they're 3 and 5). If the 5yo was up alone, it's guaranteed he'd get engrossed in something and forget to go. If your DD wakes up at 5, I'd be taking turns to get up with her and make sure she's using the toilet, and working on moving her bedtime later so she sleeps till a more sociable hour!

I think it's the new baby. We had similar behavioural challenges that manifested themselves months after the baby was born. It's a massive upheaval for them (not to mention the 2 households, 2 dads)

"Getting shipped off to her dads". Well yes, why wouldn't she be spending time with the other parent. It's not shipping her off, it's co-parenting.

Are you sure she's not doing it at her dad's? How obvious is it, I'm just thinking the amount of times I would notice spills or leaks or whatever and my DH wouldn't have a clue.
So it might be a red herring tomthininahes not doing it at her dad's until you're 100% sure.

With respect Op you need to parent your child at 5 am not leave her to wet the bed and the sofa.

Get up at 5 and take her to the toilet. What time are you getting up?

Are you awake in the night with baby? I would take DD for a ‘dream wee’ around 2/3am and put her back to bed, she may then sleep beyond 5am. I agree 5am is way too early to be starting the day and would be doing my best to push this back. If you solve the wee problem I would then introduce a gro clock to set a time you deem reasonable for her to stay in bed for.

Got up with DD today to make her go to toilet at 5, which she did, no accidents after.

No, baby sleeps through. If I got her up at 3am she would not go back to sleep.

@WetBedder thats your answer then, get up with her. What’s worse , early start or a ton of washing

I think you need to do a 5am trip to the toilet with her in the morning for a while till she's in the habit. You can get back in bed after but it is what it is. I think it's just her getting comfy then realising she needs a wee and not wanting to get up again

I think unfortunately you just need to get up with her at 5. I know it’s exhausting with a baby, even more so if you’re a single parent but it’s clearly a sign she needs you when she wakes up even if she isn’t articulating it verbally. Then I’d look at what you can tweak in the bedtime routine to try to get her sleeping to a more reasonable hour.

I know this sounds OTT but accidents are a big sign of SA.

I'd be watching her like a hawk. Is she ever left alone with any males?

I know it sounds dramatic but this shit does happen unfortunately and you have to always be vigilant, even if it seems preposterous.

Unsure if it’s been suggested but couldn’t you just put a potty in her bedroom until she’s a little older and hopefully sleeping longer. As for oeeing on the sofa hate to say it but that doesn’t sound accidental

Is it possible you or your DP have said something without even realising and she’s taken it literally, like she must be quiet when the baby/you are asleep? So she is worried about making a noise using the bathroom?

That would explain it not happening at Dad’s

Agree with this. Sorry OP, it is brutal and I'm sure you're tired (I had a 5yo and a newborn too).

Families have different approaches to when children are ready to get up alone. There are lots of ways in which I think I've supported my children to become independent younger than average, but I got up with both of them (or welcomed them into my bed) til they were more like 7. I was often a zombie clutching coffee on the sofa! But I felt they needed me there.

It seems you have solved the problem.

I don't understand the consequences and behaviour comment from your DP?
She wets and it gets washed for her ?

Does he want he to punish her and make her wash it ??

@JLou08 sure but it's not ideal is it. It's a hell of a lot for any young child to deal with

And what am I supposed to do about a court mandated arrangement?

He suggested that making her strip the bed and help put the sheets in washing machine etc might make her feel as if it’s worth the effort to just go to the toilet. I personally don’t think she can make this connection however at her age.

I heavily doubt it as she doesn’t seem to have an issue singing very loudly in front of my bedroom door or coming in and talking very loudly.