Thank god things didnt work out the way you wanted

[Ontobetterthings]

Anyone else relieved that something you really wanted didn't work out.

I was just reflecting and years ago I was so upset that I didnt get a promotion in a certain field and tried many times to move up. After the final time I completely gave up. I cried my eyes out for days and left and retrained to eventually a much better career with great prospects. I am just so relieved it did not work out. Aibu to think these things happen for a reason?

This is a lovely thread to read. My mum has always said "things work out the way they are supposed to" and reading these experiences really echoes that.

This time last year I left my job in the emergency services, not entirely by choice. I was absolutely devastated because it was a job that I adored (and was good at), I loved my colleagues and had some incredible experiences, but I (and my colleagues) were often left without appropriate support by the organisation and ultimately I had to choose between my job and my health. I spent weeks wanting to go back and being worried that I'd made the wrong decision.

One year later, I've had an offer accepted on a house in a new part of the country (something I absolutely would not have been able to do had I stayed living where I was), I've tried a new job that wasn't right for me but have since been offered a different job that feels like it might be more what I want. I'm closer to family and have an incredible network of friends.

Having been single for four years and often found it challenging, especially with most of my friends in long term relationships. This past year I've found an incredible community of other lesbian and bisexual women in my new city and I know it's something neither of my ex partners would have wanted me to be part of, so I'm grateful I'm not still in those relationships.

Although I don't necessarily believe everything happens for a reason, some things are awful and happen randomly. I do believe that everything you experience in life will have its place. The bereavements I have experienced inform how I approach difficult conversations at work (I work in healthcare), my experiences in the emergency services, although difficult, have pushed me to speak to the people in power about the treatment of staff and how it needs to change.

I don’t believe in god but have been known to complain that god hates me! I know I don’t have a guardian angel because at my really lowest ebb, my dad had died a couple of years earlier, and I knew he wasn’t helping me through that terrible time. No one was, except me.

Similar here. Was due to get married and he called it off. I was absolutely devastated. 10 years down the line i'm so much happier than i've ever been and about to marry someone who has shown me what love should really be like.

My now husband asked me to dance at the end of the night smoochies (old days end of the night club songs). I said No as I hadn’t even talked to him beforehand, went back to the table where my friends were and they all had gone on the dance floor with random men.
decided I didn’t want to sit on my own, went and found the man who asked me to dance (snog).
Happily married for 36 years with 2 gorgeous kids.

I didn’t get a promotion where the whole department was made redundant 3 weeks later.
I am thankful suffered infertility with my ex husband, as separating from him with a child would have been literally hell, he would have dragged me through the courts at every possible opportunity.

I rejected a contract change due to only a small increase in salary compared to the expected changes, this lead me to being made redundant. This led me to gaining my dream job and as a result moving cities and meeting my fiancé and ultimately my DC.

I am not sure things happen for a reason as so many bad things happen and so many people suffer.

I have definitely had experiences that have made me feel things often (not always) turn out to be a blessing in disguise, and, personally, I am happy to live with that as a vague philosophy, but for those you can't, I think it is possible, up to a point, to rationalise at least some of it.

Often things turn out better than our first choice simply because I do believe we don't actually always see clearly what is best for us. So in the example of an ex who seemed to be "the One," often he dumps you because he, at least, can sense the relationship is wrong, or he got negative vibes from your friends who can, or senses your mum can't stand him which made him not feel so great, which made him more open to the charms of someone else he met, or a hundred tiny things that add up behind the scenes to push away from the outcome you have decided you want. Same thing with job loss and looking back with relief that we didn't stay because we flourished in the next position. Sometimes we can't see our strengths as clearly as Reality can, so small things happen to move us to where we are better suited. It isn't really any different from the action of stones in a jar that eventually settle where they best fit.

Some things that happen are obviously just devastatingly sad, but I think it's a life skill to try to take something positive from everything - even if it is just cherishing memories of someone or something now lost. But people can go through a lot, which can understandably make this hard.

My ex and I nearly bought a house in 2008, we were not far off signing contracts when the credit crunch happened and my mortgage offer got pulled a day later. Wasted so much money on surveys and solicitors. Cried for ages.

In the long run it was probably a good thing as the house wasnt in the best area and a few doors down from a primary school. It needed a fair bit of work and didnt have a drive.

We split up a few years later and if we had bought the house i would have had to sell as i wouldnt have been able to by him out.

I thought it would be romantic to marry my farmer boyfriend - feeding the chickens, cuddling the lambs, a cottage in the country, wholesome and hearty... He dumped me when an old girlfriend turned back up.

Have since heard that she's had five kids, works outside the home plus hard farm work, plus raising those five kids and running the house, which they share with his snarky sister... the local town is small and insular and dying on its arse. Now I'm older, I understand that farming is a bloody hard life, and respect to those who can do it - it's not for cissies or influencers.

But I've lived around the world, had a fulfilling career in the arts, no kids by choice, live near a vibrant, diverse city... so I join the league of happy dumpees... 🙂

I went a Plus 1 with a male friend to a birthday celebration of someone I didn't know. I did not particularly want to go but I was very keen to be more than a platonic friend to the guy that asked me and was hoping this would be my chance. On arrival at the party I was introduced to the birthday boy, there was an instant mutual attraction and we went home together. We are still together and In a few days time we will celebrate 40 years of marriage!

I wasn’t able to have children due to fertility issues. It was indescribably painful to start with but over time I came to terms with it and DH and I began to enjoy life as a childfree couple. There was a huge silver lining in that I was able to take early retirement at 58. We’ve had some amazing travel and experiences that we probably wouldn’t have had if we’d had children. When I look at how the world is going I do feel relieved that I was not meant to be a mother. Things have worked out for the best.

The academic career I used to dream about in my youth did not materialize. I did a complete 180-degree turn on my working life and now earn a salary I could only dream about back then. I would never have survived the cutthroat, harshly competitive world of academia.

I was about to move to another country to travel around when I met someone and put it off. The relationship turned out to be abusive, and after three years I eventually basically ran away to another different country to get away from it because he kept following me and I went somewhere I knew he couldn't. At my lowest I had no home or job and was sleeping on my violent step-dad's couch, which was fun. Frying pan, fire. But almost worse, I had no confidence. The relationship had destroyed me and I had severe anxiety to the point I was nervous about taking a bus. Well more like terrified. Which seems insane now but I was in a bad way. I didn't know how I was going to get out of it. He later married and I know his wife had the same issues with him. We had been engaged and I am so glad we didn't get married.

I ended up muddling through and getting a new job that was the springboard for my current one, which I have a love-hate relationship with but currently I love it, and I met a man who I married and had a child with, who is the absolute light of my life. I'm still good friends with him too. He's a lynchpin in the stability I and my daughter have.

So things can turn around. I didn't know how I was ever going to get off that couch but I did.

My advice is: never put your plans on hold for a man. Especially not in your 20s.

I vividly recall being about 25 and sitting on my bedroom floor crying hysterically over a breakup, and thinking to myself I will never, ever get over this man, nobody else will even come close for the rest of my life. In reality he was an absolute psychopath (I don't throw that word around lightly) a criminal and an alcoholic, who was vile to me. (I really knew how to pick them!) I still count my lucky stars sometimes I got away from him, worked on my self esteem, met my lovely DH and had my gorgeous children.

DH and I offered on a house a few years back that needed tons of work. They accepted our offer then changed their minds and wanted more money, which we refused. 3 years later it's still on the market and every time I drive past I am so relieved we didn't get lumbered with that project, it would've killed our marriage!

A friend was messed around massively on a house purchase and eventually gazumped which caused them loads of issues. A few months later the house disappeared down a sink hole.

Very similar to us, we put an offer on a house, got accepted, sold our flat and then got gazumped. It was awful and so stressful. Then out of nowhere, this house appeared on the market, same area, same price and we got it and it is so so much better. Bigger garden, drive way, scope to extend and has been perfect for us for the last 18 years. The other house, would in the end been too small and we would have had to move again.

I don't believe everything happens for a reason, but I do believe that you can learn from things and make the best of things.

I'm not sure I'm relieved about much, since I don't know how things would have worked out if they'd happened differently.

The main one is, I'm glad I failed to get the job I applied for in my then boyfriend's town. When we broke up I'd have been really isolated. I have a much better life in the city I got a job in instead.

Yes! I was taken into meeting at the place I worked and told the company was in trouble. I could keep my job but I’d have to accept a demotion and a salary cut. I quit on the spot and, devastatingly (at the time), my apartment was a salary package perk, so I was also homeless. Anyway, guess who my neighbour was at the place I moved to… my now husband and father of my two children!

Yeah I was rejected from my two first choice universities, settled for the third choice and had a brilliant time

I always say 'everything for a reason', but don't actually believe it is some kind of fate - I think it is just short hand for optimism and being open to opportunities. There's also the micro-psychological and subconscious cues which push us towards different decisions which we usually classify as gut instinct and intuition.

Professor Richard Wiseman ran a ten year study on 'luck'. He would invite people who either deemed themselves to be lucky or unlucky to take part - he found that people who saw themselves as 'lucky' were more laid back, open minded, optimistic and receptive to opportunities, whereas people who deemed themselves to be 'unlucky' were more neurotic and pessimistic.

My favourite one was the newspaper (I think this may have a been a rehash of an experiment from the 1950's) where he asked participants to count the number of pictures in the paper. There was a massive half page notice on page 2 or 3 which said "Stop counting there are 43 pictures". There was also another half page notice which said "If you tell the researcher you saw this notice they will give you £250" - only some of the people who deemed themselves lucky saw the notices.

I agree, I didn't obviously word it too well.

Everything is meant to be. We meet people for a reason for example
I do also think our death when it comes is meant to be. We didn't catch the bus that crashed because we weren't meant to be on it.
How's that all decided I don't know.

Failed to get a permanent job at this place I was temping at - in a big city I had lived in for about a year, in a houseshare with 4 other women. (50 miles from my hometown.) Felt disheartened and pissed off as I was virtually guaranteed it, but the Area Manager made sure his niece got it. She was 19, and utterly inexperienced, knew fuck-all about the job. (I was 23, and was bloody good at it...)

Stayed as a temp in the job, then jacked it in, and came back to my hometown to live (a month later, after giving notice on my accommodation.) I went out with my old mates to a new nightclub in town 2 nights later...and I met the man who would become my husband that night.... 35 years later, we are still together....... I don't think we would have met if I hadn't gone out that night, as he never went clubbing and only went that night as the lad who lived next door to him mithered him to as he didn't want to go out alone....

p.s. 6 weeks after I moved back/10 weeks after the job fail, they called me and asked me if I still wanted it as it hadn't worked out with the other 'applicant.' I laughed and said 'ha ha no thanks!' I had already secured a new position in my hometown, and was well into my relationship with this new man (now DH!)

.

There is more than one guy I broke my heart over as a young woman and thought I would die if he didn't come back to me who would have ended up dragging me down with them if they had stayed in my life. Luckily I wised up, and in my mid 20's met my amazing DH, with whom I have a wonderful marriage and life. Some things really do work out for the best!

Yes and I suspect people will be horrified but my first 2 pregnancies ended in miscarriage. I was of course devastated at the time but looking back many years later with a wonderful family I only take a positive from it now. The first one I was only 20 and with an absolute waster of a guy who was abusive, I broke feee easily as I had no ties to him. The second one turned out to be a psychopathic drug taking and dealing literal murderer. I am genuinely grateful for the losses now. If that makes me sound like a bitch then so be it, but I stand by it.

I'm an Executive Assistant.

Didnt get the job I wanted. The woman who I was interviewing for said I had no personality.

The firm called me back a few months later and asked me to interview for another position. This one was EA to her boss.

I got that job. (And learned more than I have ever learned in a role)

I passed on the perfect home. I was going through hell with my birth family, they did not want me and were just revelling in every mistake I made

Had I not passed on that home, I wouldve let my brother move in with me and my dd. I would never have become estranged from them.

I took the second home and became estranged from them. Now I have a 7yo who I have raised alone, and I am building my life from scratch. Its not much, but its honest and real, and my dd is truly loved.

Had I not made that mistake, I would not be where I am now. Everything for a reason

"Every day, a surgeon makes decisions that can go one of two ways—either very good or very, very, very bad. The problem is, the epically great decisions and the epically bad ones look exactly the same when you're making them." — Meredith Grey

Sorry to trauma dump, just trying to explain 😅 - some decisions are bad. But not all!