Thank god things didnt work out the way you wanted

[Ontobetterthings]

Anyone else relieved that something you really wanted didn't work out.

I was just reflecting and years ago I was so upset that I didnt get a promotion in a certain field and tried many times to move up. After the final time I completely gave up. I cried my eyes out for days and left and retrained to eventually a much better career with great prospects. I am just so relieved it did not work out. Aibu to think these things happen for a reason?

I missed out on a C-Suite promotion when my wonderful boss retired, as the panel felt I was too operational and wanted someone more strategic.

Mr Strategy joined above me, and I left about a year later, having painfully watched him undo all the good work my previous boss had done, as he had no clue about any of the detail, despite us all trying to educate him (it was a new sector for him). Mr Strategy was asked to leave the business 3 months after I left.

The organisation has now been brought to its knees, they’ve consistently had over £50m of losses each year for the last few, and they’ve now had 5 different people in that Exec seat in 5 years. When I say I dodged a bullet…

Yes, I literally do thank God every day for a prayer request He didn't answer for me many years ago.

In my twenties, right out of college, had a job I hated with a mean, spiteful, condescending boss. The last straw was when I woke up crying about having to go to work took the scary leap, quit and went to law school. Moved home and went into partnership with my dad. (In Louisiana I’d really say “Daddy” but I bet y’all would think that’s crazy!). I’ve been practicing for 33 years, love it, love seeing him every day, have carved out a speciality in domestic work and look forward to going to work every day. Put my daughter thru school with no student loans and am comfortable financially. Plus I can make my own hours. I leave work every Friday at 11 am and really enjoy that. Finally, in one of my colleagues have found one of the best friends of my life! So glad I quit that stupid job and that my sister pushed me into going to law school. Oh and horrible boss hired FOUR people to do my job when I left!

I could have written these exact words. My kids survived him leaving and the 'family' I was terrified they had lost, has done them no harm in the long run. They are emotionally stable, happy, high achieving, young adults, and I have just downsized slightly rurally and am living my absolute dream.

The ex I was with pre DH - horrible breakup, I was convinced he was The One, but he wasn't ready to commit. I was so into him and clearly rather blind to some major character defects.

A few years ago, he got back in touch with a whole spiel about how he'd never stopped thinking about me and regretted our breakup every day since it happened. I was momentarily hooked by this trip down "what if" memory lane, and met him for coffee. Although he's retained good looks and surface level charm, I soon realised what an absolute arrogant arse he was and what a bullet I'd dodged. He spoke horribly about his wife, and clearly mainly married her for her looks and family money/connections to help his business, doesn't love her or respect her and frequently picks up other women (propositioned me for a grubby little affair too). He bragged about having confrontations with people at work, on the roads, etc and prided himself on "giving people what for". Runs his own business and looks down on people who are "dependent on others for a living". He lives in a country where domestic staff are the norm if you're middle class and the way he spoke about them gave me the ick. Zero awareness of white privilege and the undertones of casual racism in what he was saying. He also called his autistic niece, age 9, a little sociopath. He has this veneer of being a good person, involved in charity work, gives lots of financial help to his family, but it's such an act. I couldn't wait to get away from him.

I really don't remember him being that awful when we dated when we were young. Ambitious, yes, and a tendency towards being more confrontational than I was comfortable with at times, but not outright horrible in the way he came across when we met again. He claims that emigrating has changed him, he hates where he's living, regrets his marriage, feels trapped, etc. But everyone else seems to be to blame other than him, he takes no responsibility. He claims if he'd had the guts to propose to me back then instead of running away abroad it would all have been different, but I don't think it would have been, I think we'd have divorced very quickly, and it would have been a high conflict divorce too.

The universe definitely looked after me there!

Yes 2 both connected.

I Married now ex H and thought our marriage was sound . He was always a bit tricky but (I thought) we were in love. I found out he was having an affair as we were trying for a second baby. I asked him to leave but was distraught and desperate to get him back (errrr 👀) .

I found out a week later that I was pregnant. I was so broken and DD was only 2. I thought there was no way I could even cope with 1 on my own let alone 2 so I went to the doctors and told her I couldn’t keep the baby and asked what next steps were. She told me that I was obviously in shock and in no position to be making such a big decision, and sent me away for 2 weeks to think about it. I was furious with her.
I had already made up my mind!

Through many conversations with friends and lots of tears over the next 2 weeks I realised I might just be able to cope.

He has brought so much happiness over the years and is a lovely human being, and is just about to start his GCSEs! I still get emotional now thinking about what almost wasn’t.

Ex has proved himself to be such a dick over the years and he did me such a big favour. I just couldn’t see it at the time! I will always be so grateful to that doctor too.

I remember walking home in tears because I didn't get a job that I really wanted. My guardian angel was really watching over me that day. I feel slightly sick when I think how much in worse my life could have been if I had got that job.

Same thing when my long term boyfriend dumped me. I was really upset at the time but I am so glad he broke up with me. There is a risk that I might have stuck with it and I dread to think how my life would have been with him, nice as he was.

Although I don't like rejection, my experiences have made me realise that it can actually be extremely fortunate.

I got BCD in my A levels and needed BCC to study at Liverpool. I was devastated as all my other friends got into their first choices or had unconditional offers so the grades didn’t really matter. I was so upset but eventually went through clearing and ended up at Lancaster where I met my now husband in the first year, went travelling after Uni, got married had kids and so that D was the best thing that happened 🤣

I’m relieved I didn’t marry ex-DP. I emigrated and I can’t picture him at all in my new life here. If we’d stayed together, I doubt we would have made the move. He was not a go-getter, and held me back, in many ways.

It took us ten years to start a family. I felt grief that nearly broke me. Now I’m fifty with a toddler, but she is the most wonderful child, and all that grief taught me to be a patient and gentle mum.

I don’t believe everything happens for a higher purpose. I think we can try to find the good in bad situations.

My daughter was born finding joy in everything, and loves every second of her life. I don’t think the universe wanted me to wait for her, but I do think everything I went through helped me become the mum she deserves.

Yes, I was so upset when I didn’t get a ground floor flat I wanted in the block I was renting in. Now 3yrs on, I’ve bought a brand new 3 bed detached 250 miles away not too far from where I grew up. After years of renting I can’t wait to start my new chapter.

These are lovely stories. I have never and will never believe that ‘everything happens for a reason’ or that anything is meant to be, as it only takes a moment to think of multiple events where thinking, or worse saying, that would be hurtful or insulting.

But yes, if I hadn’t married my first husband, crazy decision though it was, my life would be dramatically different and probably worse. Divorcing him was extremely painful but led indirectly to meeting Dh and having ds.

I was made redundant from a good job at an age where I didn't think it would be easy to get another. Out of the blue I was offered my dream job, which I would not have risked taking if I hadn't been made redundant. Still in that dream job 12 years later.

As my teen said yesterday “rejection is redirection”!

Love reading this thread

Can relate to so many, you really do just have to go with the flow of life don't you

😂😂😂

Many things, from bad relationships I yearned to continue being in to failing at job seeking and staying at home for quite a few years, turned out to be the best in retrospect.

I was utterly miserable for around 10 years, and tried to kill myself several times.

Pretty happy that didn't work out the way I wanted.

I got offers for two jobs I'd applied for at the same time. Chose one and ended up hating it - I quit after six months with nothing to go to, as by the end I was crying in the parking area every day before I went in. Even after I got a new job it was much lower paid, and I still thought all the time about how I should have made the other choice in the first place.

About 18 months after I would have started, the company I didn't go with folded, and all staff lost their jobs without warning on a mass zoom call. The place I hated gave me some CV benefits that eventually led to much better opportunities than I would have had otherwise, even though I was only there for six months. And I met two of my closest friends at the lower paid job I ended up in afterwards. I feel lucky all the time that it turned out this way.

Got fired from a job 15 years ago.
Set up as a consultant and am
now the leader in my field working with amazing clients and earning twice as much money.

Its hard to say really because there's no way of knowing what path life would have taken had the thing worked out, is there? Not getting thing A may have resulted in meeting person B, but prevented you meeting person C. Being very happy in your second choice doesn't mean you'd have not been even happier in your first.
However, I think its a healthy, positive way to look at life and is really just another way of saying make the most of what you have, focus on the good things and don't waste time hankering after the things not available to you, which is never a bad philosophy.
It tends to be linked with higher perceptions of happiness. So if you're a person who has this attitude, whatever life throws at you, you will be predisposed to see it as 'for the best' and see the good side. Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you have.

I was meant to move to Russia for a teaching job, but the visa didn’t come in time and I wasn’t willing to start a few months into term. I met my husband six months later (plus obvious issues with Russia in general).

I had my heart set on a house in our village. I was devastated but turns out we didn’t want to stay in the village long term and the house actually wouldn’t have worked for us.

Didn’t get into my uni of choice and was gutted. Met some people on my year abroad who would have been my classmates at that uni and wouldn’t have really fit in with them anyway.

😂😂

Oh God yes, successful boyfriend, filthy rich, engaged and I had resigned work to organise our wedding. I came back from the country a day early and there was an unexpected car on the drive - my best friend's. Go figure.

I collected my stuff the following day, when he was out, and we spoke again once, a couple of years later when he told me he was getting married. In the space of 24 hours I had no home, no partner and no job. I vowed I'd remain single and retire early to a pretty cottage in the country and keep cats.

Was offered a better job so no period of unemployment, stayed with friends while my tenants were on notice, who introduced me to another set of people, met DH within the year (so skint he was on his uppers). Roll on nearly 40 years, two dc, DH's career took off, and it all worked out very well.

I have cats.

I’m very much a big believer in the silver lining principle. You can be devastated by something not going your way but very often that door closing in your face pushes you to look for other hidden doors that actually open more easily and are more welcoming. It hugely increases resilience too and makes you more likely to take a chance and be successful as you are better used to dealing with failure.

love a good silver lining 🥰