Thank god things didnt work out the way you wanted

[Ontobetterthings]

Anyone else relieved that something you really wanted didn't work out.

I was just reflecting and years ago I was so upset that I didnt get a promotion in a certain field and tried many times to move up. After the final time I completely gave up. I cried my eyes out for days and left and retrained to eventually a much better career with great prospects. I am just so relieved it did not work out. Aibu to think these things happen for a reason?

In most cases, you simply don't know how things would have turned out if you'd got whatever it was you wanted. That's always a consoling thought if you're disappointed.

So much in life is down to chance. Your choice might have led to a wholly unforeseeable disaster; it might not have been what you hoped for; it could have been wonderful; it could have led to an unforeseeable but wonderful thing happening.

There's little point in speculating.

Got pregnant young and didn't go to university where I would have become a Food Technologist, designing Ultra Processed Foods. Instead I've had a happy marriage, 2 beautiful children and now have a fulfilling career in nursing.

a house that we were buying fell through and thank god it did because we then found our dream
house and couldn't be happier! Sometimes drive past the other one and wonder what we were even thinking!

Oooh yes:

First boyfriend, completely in love with him- wanted to marry him. He turned out to be the biggest arsehole on the planet and ended up dumping me. I was utterly devastated - cried for months and months, didnt think I'd ever find happiness again whilst he happily skipped back into dating and took every opportunity to rub his pretty new girlfriends in my face (we were in a mutual friend group so hard to avoid him).

Fast forward a few years, he gets married and I meet my now husband. My husband is wonderful and absolutely adores me, and also happens to be gorgeous. Ex boyfriend's wife left him 2 years after they got married and he has remained perpetually single and whiny about it ever since. Last photo I saw of him I was shocked - he looks dreadful now- hugely overweight and balding. Very ironic since he used to love the fact he looked a bit like Johnny Depp. So glad he was taken out of my life.

Our first house - completely fell in love with this house and just before we were finalising things they decided to pull out and take it off the market. Again, I was devastated and didnt think I'd ever find such a nice house. A month later we found one that was even better - it has beautiful golden corn fields right behind our back garden, is bigger, and in better condition and in a better area. Sometimes I drive past that first house and it looks so run down and grotty I wondered what I ever saw in it.

Yes 18 years ago my work place was sold and the whole job and charm of the company went. Us seniors were offered redundancy and I took it - I grieved and cried and felt just awful.
a year later my marriage broke down and had I been in tha job I’d likely have had to be the nrp and I would never have got 50/50 due to the nature of the job. I bumbled around in low paid jobs for years scraping by being a mum and now earn at least double what I’d have done had I stayed and I’m on a degree course. It was just meant to be and I don’t miss that job at all anymore

Really? I would have thought a quick read through the news would put paid to that idea. I remember reading after the tsunami of 2004 which killed hundreds of thousands of people some very devout Christians were thanking God for saving them or their loved ones. What about everybody else, didn't they pray hard enough?

I believe everything happens by chance and we have to try to make the best of the hand we are dealt. Sometimes something unpleasant happening puts us in the right place for something better. Sometimes it doesn't. We remember the first ones far more than the others.

In my case, I didn't get the A level grades I needed to go to my first choice university. I was upset at the time, but actually I had really liked my insurance choice when I visited for the interview, so wasn't that cut up. I met the man to whom I have now been married for over 40 years on day 3 of my course. I doubt our paths would have crossed otherwise.

Absolutely.

I applied for a career that honestly was a back up choice when I had no idea what to do with my life and was panicking. Didn't get it and felt I'd failed at even my 'safe' back up. Thank God I didn't get it. I went into a much better paid field that I actually enjoy and later into a role I love with relatively low stress for a decent wage.

Also a huge, long-running infatuation with a friend when I was a teenager. I look at him now (not a trace of that left) and think, "thank God that isn't my life!" and look at my wonderful husband (into whose path I was thrown completely by chance) and children and think "thank God this is"!

I'm not religious but "Jesus take the wheel" seems to be a philosophy I should probably live by!

No. My shit decisions and bad luck have led to shit and more bad luck, as have almost all my on the surface good ones. Started off in my 20s so positive and optimistic and now four decades on I just try to brace myself for the next thing, which currently looks like serious illness despite no risk factors/ lifestyle choices

Must have no guardian angel, have somehow pissed off the universe or am just a failure at life compared to y'all, I guess...
And have probably now annoyed you by not confirming that all us for the best. Sometimes it ain't.

Not destitute so have to be content with that.

I don't believe there is any guiding force that makes things happen for some ineffable reason. But certainly an opportunity lost can turn out to be a bullet dodged, or a path to an even better opportunity.

My parents' divorce meant I had to leave a school where I was very happy and move to one I loathed. But I met my DP there, and we've been happily together for far, far longer than I endured the school. And it subsequently transpired that the school I left had serious problems - of the 'multiple articles articles in a national newspaper and ongoing criminal cases' level - that I'd almost certainly have been exposed to had I stayed on.

Snap!

Not me, my mother. She was a Supply Teacher for quite a while in a school and applied for the permanent job when it came up. She didn't get it and was devastated. In the October the Aberfan Disaster happened in that school, and that classroom was affected.

There's a Zen parable about this, the story of the Chinese farmer.

A farmer’s horse runs away. The villagers say "Such bad luck!" and he replies "Maybe."

Later, the horse returns with a herd of wild horses. The villagers say: "Such good luck!" and the farmer replies "Maybe."

The farmer’s son breaks his leg while taming one of the wild horses. The villagers say "Oh, such terrible luck!" and the farmer says "Maybe."

The army arrives to conscribe young men, but the son is spared because of his broken leg. The villagers say "Ah, wonderful luck!" and the farmer just says "Maybe."

We can never know the long-term consequences of any event, because things work out in unexpected ways.

Two things; Saw my dream house for sale perfect for me in every way. It all fell through quite early on in the process, turns out I'd have been living next door to a colleague who has a dreadful rep for mischief/lies.

Second, fell hard for a guy that treated me like crap. I refused to move on from him and would be overjoyed when he breadcrumbed me. On a whim had a date with another man and we're nearly 4 years together. It's the most honest relationship I've been in.

@Beachtastic I love that parable. I suppose the moral is- your interpretation of the situation determines whether it is good or bad. Most things in life are just boringly neutral and we label them good/bad. (with obvious exceptions such as bereavements etc)

Not really, no. It didn't work out, and my life is different as a result. Not awful but also not better than I think it would have been. Such is life.

To me, it's more that there is no point judging a situation at the time, because everything changes... so what currently seems "bad" could one day turn out "good" (and vice versa!).

Not exactly the same, as I would still have ended up married to the same man, just two months later...

We were due to get married in July, but in January the reception venue (village hall) told us it was being redecorated over the summer, and so was no longer available.

The church (popular as extremely picturesque) was available one Saturday in May (13th... which was obviously why). We grabbed the slot, rebooked the village hall, and hastily told everyone the wedding was brought forward. Got married... with a small (but noticeable if you looked) bump.

By July, I would have been waddling up the aisle but far worse my sister spent the month in ICU, lost the use of her legs and very nearly died. As it was, she was able to be my bridesmaid and enjoy my wedding (despite the two transplants she'd had only 6 months before the wedding).

It was a lovely wedding (despite another family tragedy less than a fortnight before it).

That was 26 years ago this month.

Got made redundant! Begged to stay with the employer, even asked if I could take a lower ranking role. Got 6 months garden leave and 10 years pay. And got a new job straight away, which has lead to me running my own successful business, having 2 kids that I am completely flexible around and buying our dream house. If I had stayed in the company that made me redundant I would have been working 40 hour weeks for £20k less a year then I earn now working 20 hours a week around my kids

XH relocated us 350 miles away from family and friends. I cried all the way up the motorway - had a tiny baby and other kids and it was the end of the world leaving my support network.

Now I've been in my adopted county for over 30 years and it has been the BEST place to raise children -great schools, beautiful rural location and I wouldn't return if you paid me millions.

Depends what you mean by ‘for a reason’. Who are what was deciding the two outcomes?

Lots of things happen in life that could be better or worse than the other choice you could have made. No, I don’t believe in things consciously happening for a reason by outside forces (and why is it only ever used when the outcome is better, not worse, than the first choice?).

But only on the basis the outcome was better? What about when the outcome is worse?

I put YABU but only because I think as humans we tend to look for the positives (well some don’t but most).

OPs story could have been I pushed for that promotion and was super happy that I never gave up and the promotion came along at the right time compare to previous times when they failed.

I think there are some occasions when things really do work out better but it’s nothing to do with things happen for a reason.

i actually hate “things happen for a reason” as there is no good reason for cancer or death etc. I think we like to try to put a positive spin on things but I believe there is a reason behind anything that happens.

I don't believe things happen for a reason. Dh died at 47 when dc were 11 and 13. It hasn't benefited us whatsoever. It's only been a negative

Totally agree. The expression ‘happens for a reason’ pisses me off big time, for a number of very valid reasons. We aren’t chess pieces being moved around a board at someone’s whim.

Of course something that is disappointing or unfortunate at the time can lead to something that is ultimately preferable, but "everything happens for a reason" is such an asinine phrase and quite hurtful to people who endure things such their child dying.