To ask if anyone lives on a small Scottish Island?

[NewStartFamily]

Specifically Eday or Tiree but thoughts and opinions of any others very welcome!

DP and I are considering a relocation from the south coast to Scotland, somewhere with land we can use.

We have found a couple of properties that we like but we’d like to hear thoughts from people who live there about how life works in the smaller communities and places where not everything is on your doorstep.

We have one home educated son aged 9 so nearby schools not an essential consideration.

Many people truly underestimate the Scottish winters and how bad the weather is. It is truly, awful! The winters are very, very dark. The islands are often cut off for days at a time, the ferries are a complete shambles and amenities are scarce. Locals are used to it and we don’t know any different but I know for incomers, it can be a major shock to the system. Island communities are very close-knit, everyone knows your business and it can be challenging to navigate as a new person. The two islands you’ve suggested are very, very rural. You’re HOURS from the mainland. From Tiree it’s a 4 hour ferry to Oban which is a small town, and another 2/3 hours to Glasgow the nearest city - often longer in the summer due to tourists. Oban itself is very isolated with few amenities and is very, very wet. I was born and raised in Oban but moved elsewhere in Scotland and I couldn’t believe the difference by getting away from the rain. It didn’t bother me when I lived there as it was all I had ever known and I thought people were exaggerating by saying it rained a lot there. But since I’ve left, I couldn’t believe the difference!! I can do a full week without rain sometimes - who knew?! (For what it’s worth I still live in Scotland and experience a lot of rain, wind and miserable weather but nothing compares to west coast rain)

Would agree with this! There is a lot of weather. Mostly all at once. Being outdoorsy is great and I’m very much a “there’s no bad weather only bad clothing” type but.. sometimes there is the sort of weather where if you open the door your door will blow away 😁

Again, thank you for your responses.

I’ve got what I needed in terms of helpful advice to help DP and I make the right decision going forward.

I didn’t feel I needed to answer every question or share everything over the internet but that doesn’t reflect my ability to connect in real life or my desire to be an asset to a community in whatever way I could.

I moved to north east Scotland (not an island and not very rural) for work purposes and I found it so isolating. Not a lot of new people coming and going so everyone already has a social group. The days are so short during the winter, the weather is so cold and dreich to use a good Scottish word and it took about three years to feel part of a community. It was also difficult to leave, limited flight options etc. drugs an issue with young people. Left as soon as it was feasible work wise.

definitely a trial at various points of the year seems vital.

@NewStartFamily might be good to move this to Scotsnet, lots of helpful advice on there. Good luck, sounds an exciting new challenge for you and your family.

I live in mainland Scotland, and personally I am a committed city slicker. I know a few people who live in the western isles, Orkney and Shetland. Some incomers, some locals. They all love it, even though things can be difficult, they feel the benefits outweigh the problems on balance. They are ridiculously beautiful for eg (albeit in quite a different way to say rural England, think cliff and very few trees). Access to healthcare is difficult, but there is lots of health benefits to island and rural life. Healthy life expectancy is higher there than urban areas for eg.

Id agree community is extremely important, volunteering is very normal and necessary, but also rewarding. A great way to integrate and give back to the community. There is a vibrant culture(s) to tap into, for example around trad music and dance, but also art and history. There are some jobs where they struggle to recruit and I expect you’d be very welcome.

I would suggest having DC attend local school if possible would be a great way to integrate, and if considering the WIs look into Gaelic medium education too.

i think the suggestion to go for an extended visit are very good. Personally Scottish winters don’t bother me, but I love long Scottish summer days (always smile when I watch Glastonbury live and it’s pitch black there while the sun is still shining where I live.

Do look at transport connections, especially inter-island, as mainlanders we sometimes assume that if you live on an island in Orkney for eg it’ll be easy to get to Kirkwall, but it hugely varies. Orkney has causeways between some islands, but some where connections are not good at all. Population sustainability is a big issue so while some may not love incomers, I think many know that they are currently necessary to keep island populations sustainable. Inter island transport in the WIs is challenging. My friend finds it easier to fly to Glasgow than get to stornoway.

housing is a massive issue, I’ve heard of people applying for jobs they then couldn’t take as no suitable housing could be found.

it is totally personal, and you might not know until you try, it’s hard to get advice here as everyone is so different. I love the islands, and feel quite passionate about them, but I wouldn’t personally contemplate living on one, I love the city more, but what’s good for me, isn’t necessarily good for you.

I've always wondered about the role that religion plays in small Scottish communities. Do most people attend church, and would they look down on newcomers who didn't?

I have 40 years experience. Also I was home schooled and that is a bad idea if you move to somewhere remote. You’re just saying ‘I don’t want to mix’ and that’s not good if you want to be accepted and get along with locals. Plus they need pupils at remote schools…. Stay a whole winter before committing. It’s not easy if you’re not used to it.
Happy to answer any questions!

Western Isles, Orkney and Shetland are very different to the smaller islands, They have near 20K population each (if we are talking Mainland Orkney and Mainland Shetland). Tiree has ~700 and Eday ~150. That's a whole different ballgame

It is very expensive, food, petrol, housing and getting on and off the island. In medical emergencies it can be quite scary having to be medi vacced off. There is no ICU etc. The winters are brutal, you need a stockpile of essentials who knows when the next ferry will arrive with supplies. It takes a longggggg time to integrate and be accepted as a part of the community. With children they often have to leave quite young to the mainland to persue and sort of career which is difficult. If you have a professional such as public sector you will fair better in making links. Everyone knows everyone and everything. Close friends did 15 years but covid hit and its brought home how isolated they were and also their child was entering college/ uni years so would be leaving and they went back to the mainland. Keep in touch regularly and they don’t regret it.

Think it varies a lot between islands

Early 90s, I knew someone from Stornoway. He was terrified of his father learning that he'd gone to a swimming pool on a Sunday (on the mainland). Father was a Free Church minister. They're particularly strict

You don't have to give any further information, of curse not. But this is Mumsnet and if you mention you've been through diagnosis with another child before poster will pick up on it and want to piece together your story. Especially as you are asking about something quite unusual and, as many think, probably ill thought out.

I have never live on an island but have lived in 4 different countries for longish periods of time and know all about being an incomer.

I would say at 9 years old, it sounds like a very bad idea to move your dc to an isolated island where he or she will remain the outsider among his peers for ever. This would be a huge lifestyle change and with puberty and high school education around the corner not advisable.

Maybe you have seen the thread where a poster asked about moving to Cornwall a few days ago, she had similar replies and I believe she also wanted to home school. Maybe someone you can synch up with.

Your posts all sound quite defensive and with such a thin skinned attitude trying to integrate in an island community will be big on impossible (imo).

I don't know if you actually want advice or not, but I'd start with getting. diagnosis for your child, and consider relocating to a place that has some of the things you are keen on but that is more easily connected to .e.g home schooling community, maybe services (?), interesting extra curricular activities that are welcoming and accessible t your dc.

It's sad to hear about your trauma, many of us know how hard things can get. Don't make it harder on yourself and your family by moving them to a social experiment.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Yes indeed.

Surely the fact I’m asking means I’m thinking about it carefully? Better than just doing it and asking advice afterwards. There’s a lot of things that have been mentioned that have given me pause for thought (not the winters though!) but I wouldn’t have learned about them by googling so I needed to hear about people’s experience.

I definitely don’t feel my posts have been defensive but I was clear that my past and my son’s lack of diagnosis aren’t actually what I was asking about. And as I said my responses here with random people don’t reflect my desire and ability to integrate into a community.

I’m not against school education again, he’s just home educated now.

I’m not against moving elsewhere in Scotland. I only asked re the islands as those were the

DP and I have a lot to discuss. The only thing I know is where we are holds a lot of on going trauma and we haven’t found anything that would suit us here in the south without moving to places without memories or triggers or downsizing to a flat.

Realistically we’re a year or more away from making a move so a lot of time to make sure we make the right choice for us.

Yes defensive including your latest post, that's ok on MN, we can all feel defensive often without realising. However, if you bring that sort of I do it my way and won't have anyone question my approach to a tiny remote island community you will be in for a time full of conflict and unease.

Also, I didn't say in my post you are not considering things carefully. I gave my opinion, based on experience of relocating between 4 different countries and 2 continents that there may well be much better ways to move on from your current situation than choosing a tiny remote Scottish Island. Especially with a child at the cusp of puberty who also may have special needs.

You can live your life independently much more easily in a bigger and better connected community than in a small and isolated community where you and your child will always remain outsiders. This could be true of any English village but will be even more relevant if your are English and are moving to a small Scottish island.

If your dc needs more help with his SEN or mental health later on, it will be much harder to access suitable provision.

It's up to you, no one else will have to live with the experience and consequences.

I would have thought that being easy going, being diplomatic, easily getting on well with people who are very different to you and not being easily rattled or defensive would be key to having the remotest chance at succeeding in such a move.

@NewStartFamily reading between the lines, I can guess what trauma you've had.

Thinking about it more, the best bit of advice I can give you is move somewhere where there's a lot of incomes already settled, which tbh is much of the Highlands. You'll make friends quickly.

I would have thought that being easy going, being diplomatic, easily getting on well with people who are very different to you and not being easily rattled or defensive would be key to having the remotest chance at succeeding in such a move.

Adding
And even if you are lovely, confident and easy going, things can still be incredibly difficult if or example any locals who are well connected take against you for whatever reason. And with the most diplomatic personality in the world, there is always a steep learning curve often spanning several years until you have properly understood how a given community 'ticks'.

I think the OP is being quite naive, and the defensiveness and refusal to discuss certain things is exactly the attitude that'll get you isolated and ostracised in a small community very quickly.

I get the impression OP won't like the entire island knowing her business!

Her DS is home educated - she and DH seem to want a change -why not try it for a year or two. There are lots of posts on MN about moving abroad -why not move to an island -I’d like to try it myself but DH has tons of hobby tools and I’m not moving g tbem.

So much doom and gloom

These 'Where should we move to?' are my favourite threads on mumsnet and I've read a lot of them - the personal knowledge and experience of posters contributing and the evolution of the OP's decision-making are fascinating

It's fairly unusual for OP's to state that they are going to withhold information relating to the reasons for the move and is bit of a red rag to a bull to posters - of course it's perfectly 'within your rights' to do that and can feel very intrusive

It would have been nice to hear a bit more about how your thinking might have changed as you have given very little feedback to the masses of well-intentioned advice - only discussing it with your husband seems IDK somewhat ?ungracious

Anyway @NewStartFamily hope that all goes well whatever you decide

I simply don’t agree that it would be relevant or helpful to posters with regards to answering my actual question.

Doom and gloom?

It's obvious you have never relocated in a significant way and certainly not with a child. I have lived in several countries, each with its own language and had to settle in 4 types of places with new culture, language religion, people. Fairly well travelled and reasonably open minded I'd say 😂

There is a difference between relocating in a way that ticks lots of boxes for your family and is also an adventure (which will still be very challenging once the excitement and dust settle) and trying to integrate in small remote communities with very little provision and a challenging infrastructure on the back of serious family trauma and with a child with SEN who may or may not home school in tow. At the very least OP would do well heading advice on renting there in January and February to get a feel for the place and considering what kind of education is available for her son, as many of the places she mentioned will not have a high school for example. Would he be happy board? Alternatively if he is home schooled there is likely going to be less of a network locally to connect with others who also home school.

And what about medical care including possible support for her family's mental health if such services are a ferry ride away?

Decisions, decisions.

What a fascinating thread - so interesting to hear from posters living on remote Scottish islands with their warts and all analysis. I have watched Banjo's hotel renovation on Ulva and his previous Redesigning the Hebrides show which has stunning scene-setting shots of blue seas and skies, magical landscapes, deserted beaches and smooth boat crossings. It looks stunning - no horizontal rain, dark days or storm force winds. Thank you to everyone for sharing your insights - I'm now off to google Highland Cops, and videos of ferries setting sail on stormy seas. Good luck to @NewStartFamily, whatever you decide to do. I think the best advice is to try before you buy and rent somewhere, preferably in the winter months, which you can easily do if you are home schooling - in fact it would be an educational activity whatever you decide.