AIBU to feel bitter about an acquaintance's state-funded early retirement?

[TheAmusedQuail]

Acquaintance. Used to be a friend. I've know them for around 20 years now. Has made bad financial decision, after bad decision in their life. I'm not entirely sure why, because other than the shit decisions I've watched them make consistently, is an intelligent and reasonably functioning person. I'm not being judgemental btw, all of these decisions have had negative consequences for them and they have discussed this with me.

Sold their house. Fair amount of equity which was pissed up the wall with in 2 years. Moved into private rental, assuming the landlord would do all adjustments they wanted, massively shocked and horrified to discover that only essential maintenance would be done. Was so difficult with landlord that eventually was evicted (legally). Due to being almost homeless was housed by the council (was VERY lucky!) in a lovely flat.

They gradually worked their way up to being massively overweight. Never made any effort to do anything about it. While I have been on diet after diet, joined exercise programs and attempted (and yes, mostly failed) they have just... not. It's a different mindset and I don't understand it.

Eventually this weight gain has started to impact their health. Been on the NHS bariatric pathway twice and pulled out twice. Has been diagnosed with several weight related conditions, been given various support by the NHS (free gym etc) but only availed them as a social thing, not committing to regular exercise.

At work I'd say they've been underperforming for around 10 years. (We used to work together). Some of this was their health, but not all. Mostly disengaged and doing a bad job. Eventually, they were put on a support pathway, and still managed to fail this. So now, they've been given a pay out and medically retired. Is quite capable of doing anything they want (out and about, drives, travels by train, flies, very very sociable. Very active.). BUT due to intelligence (able to manipulate the application) and the health issues is now on PIP. As well as a large work pay out.

I can't help but be bitter. I'm older and have been a lot more responsible. I work really hard, perform well, (still!) am taking responsibility for my weight, am careful with money, have prioritised bill paying rather than profligate spending. And yet, am facing another 10 years of work while this lazy individual has managed to facilitate a massively early 'retirement' all funded by the state.

I KNOW most people on benefits are genuine. I'm a socialist and am very glad we have the system we do. But this person isn't genuine. It's been a life of self indulgence and selfishness. I watch the social media posts and just think... I'd love 1/10th of that life. But I can't afford it.

How very odd, is this a fatty bashing thread. So you’re jealous of the morbidly obese person who has signficant health conditions and had to be medically retired. And you think what they are faking being fat, so they can not work? Faking their health conditions.

not much of a socialist really are you op; you can’t claim the title then want to live off the state, not work and be jealous when others can. That’s not socialism,

Your social media watching is making you feel bitter. Stop. Accept that even one of your shit days would be a dream to most of the world and practice some gratitude instead of griping.

That's the only way you're going to feel any better, unless you actually like making yourself miserable and it's become a nasty little habit.

They’ll probably die early and take less from the state overall due to that, if that helps to reduce the envy and bitterness (which I’m not judging you for at all, this would grate on me too!)

Wow aren't you a piece of work!

Just because you can do the things you do, doesn't mean everyone is the same. I have been obese, got free gym membership - didn't go, now paying for membership and still not going! I am on MJ and have lost a lot of the weight but I have struggled for years loosing 10lb and gaining 12lb. I started taking WLI because I didn't want to end up like your friend. The struggle is very real. I work full time, have health conditions and a mortgage and bills. I get no financial or practical support. I would not trade places with your friend. Would you?

Their situation sounds utterly miserable. What on earth are you envying, op?

Not much to be jealous of other than the retirement tbh. And they won't be able to enjoy that in the same way that you will when it's your turn. Plus you'll probably have 10+ years more life than they will.

Being overweight is one of my biggest fears so no amount of 'perks' would make me envious of that.

Honestly, if this is real, just enjoy your life which is bound to be much better in many ways than the person you are describing. How does it actually affect you?

(And you most definitely are being judgemental)

I get why you might be frustrated, but there is no benefit wasting mental space thinking about something which you cannot change and which does not directly affect you, it will only bring you down. Yes sometimes life is unfair, but you can hold your head high in knowledge that you have done your best.

I'd rather be me than them, OP. I'll get paid tomorrow for the full time job I do and do well. I've got a long term chronic health condition that would probably let me join the skiving masses but I'd rather be 6 feet under than sat on my arse at home filling out benefit claims.

Don't give it head space as many others have said.

So you think someone is claiming fraudulently by exaggerating symptoms, but aren't going to report them?

Just get on with getting fulfilment from your own life and stop fixating on other people. You'll probably be happier for it.

And yes, you're being judgemental. Own it.

It may seem unfair but would you actually like to swap lives? Focus on that

IMO the OP is fully entitled to be pissed off though.

Such people cost the country so much taxpayer money, and put sod all back.

@TheAmusedQuail
They are going to have a shit quality of life before they die young. What on earth is there to be jealous of?!

Would you swap your circumstances for theirs? I suspect not. I wouldn't.

As someone who saved in a couple of modest occupational pensions I feel the same towards people who never saved, pissed their money up the wall and then got handed pension credit and all the freebies that go with it.

They can if they wish, but it won't do them any good or change the situation.

Yes I am aware, my sister is one. I used to get angry about it, but these days I choose to expend my energy elsewhere.

Agreed. I have always put the wellbeing and happiness of myself and my DC's first. Sometimes this has aligned with what's "right". Sometimes it hasn't. I don't care whether it does or doesn't tbh. That doesn't factor in to any decision I make. Life isn't "fair" and often there's no reward for doing the right thing, sometimes there's even a penalty! So you have to look after your own interests.

Someone once said to me, if their life was more miserable, would yours be better..?

This might change situation if they vote for a party which will put a stop on this welfare state enabling it.

Which party is that? My sister lives in England and it's always been either Labour or Tories - she's prospered under both.

Unless you mean the turquoise bastards?

Health is your wealth

Without your health , you have nothing

worked their way up to being massively overweight

You make it sound that this weight gain was a calculated move. Did they gobble mars bars during the lunch break whilst licking their lips to taunt you?
You sound very bitter and resentful, does work offer counselling?

Huh? This is all anonymous. OP may well have changed some details.