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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel bitter about an acquaintance's state-funded early retirement?

70 replies

TheAmusedQuail · 29/04/2026 11:25

Acquaintance. Used to be a friend. I've know them for around 20 years now. Has made bad financial decision, after bad decision in their life. I'm not entirely sure why, because other than the shit decisions I've watched them make consistently, is an intelligent and reasonably functioning person. I'm not being judgemental btw, all of these decisions have had negative consequences for them and they have discussed this with me.

Sold their house. Fair amount of equity which was pissed up the wall with in 2 years. Moved into private rental, assuming the landlord would do all adjustments they wanted, massively shocked and horrified to discover that only essential maintenance would be done. Was so difficult with landlord that eventually was evicted (legally). Due to being almost homeless was housed by the council (was VERY lucky!) in a lovely flat.

They gradually worked their way up to being massively overweight. Never made any effort to do anything about it. While I have been on diet after diet, joined exercise programs and attempted (and yes, mostly failed) they have just... not. It's a different mindset and I don't understand it.

Eventually this weight gain has started to impact their health. Been on the NHS bariatric pathway twice and pulled out twice. Has been diagnosed with several weight related conditions, been given various support by the NHS (free gym etc) but only availed them as a social thing, not committing to regular exercise.

At work I'd say they've been underperforming for around 10 years. (We used to work together). Some of this was their health, but not all. Mostly disengaged and doing a bad job. Eventually, they were put on a support pathway, and still managed to fail this. So now, they've been given a pay out and medically retired. Is quite capable of doing anything they want (out and about, drives, travels by train, flies, very very sociable. Very active.). BUT due to intelligence (able to manipulate the application) and the health issues is now on PIP. As well as a large work pay out.

I can't help but be bitter. I'm older and have been a lot more responsible. I work really hard, perform well, (still!) am taking responsibility for my weight, am careful with money, have prioritised bill paying rather than profligate spending. And yet, am facing another 10 years of work while this lazy individual has managed to facilitate a massively early 'retirement' all funded by the state.

I KNOW most people on benefits are genuine. I'm a socialist and am very glad we have the system we do. But this person isn't genuine. It's been a life of self indulgence and selfishness. I watch the social media posts and just think... I'd love 1/10th of that life. But I can't afford it.

OP posts:
VillageMilton · 29/04/2026 11:27

Life is a game, OP. A joke.

Your acquaintance realises this. You...don't.

Arlanymor · 29/04/2026 11:29

Envy is the thief of joy.

QwestSprout · 29/04/2026 11:31

I wouldn't be envious of someone with weight issues and several comorbidities, it's hardly like they'll be living the life of Riley.

randomchap · 29/04/2026 11:32

If you think they are faking it, report them

AgentPidge · 29/04/2026 11:32

Hold your head up and know you've done things the right way, and honestly. This person will have health problems in the future that impact her lifestyle, if she doesn't already. She sounds dishonest, lazy and lacking in integrity. You're not. Why are you bitter? Yes, it's not right. But just be happy with how you are - her unhealthy lifestyle will get to her and you won't be envious when that happens.

FiveShelties · 29/04/2026 11:33

So you are envious of someone being massively overweight with several weight related conditions?

Why would you want that life?

ConcernedForWales · 29/04/2026 11:35

This is like a bingo card.

Free council flat
A disgusting, lazy, workshy fatty
PIP cheat

TheAmusedQuail · 29/04/2026 11:37

FiveShelties · 29/04/2026 11:33

So you are envious of someone being massively overweight with several weight related conditions?

Why would you want that life?

@VillageMilton @Arlanymor you're both right.
@randomchap I would never do that.
@FiveShelties because I'd love to be able to (never mind retire) work a bit less. My work ethic isn't paying off in comparison.

OP posts:
TheAmusedQuail · 29/04/2026 11:37

ConcernedForWales · 29/04/2026 11:35

This is like a bingo card.

Free council flat
A disgusting, lazy, workshy fatty
PIP cheat

Nevertheless, this is a real person.

And you forgot free gym membership.

OP posts:
Edictfromno10 · 29/04/2026 11:40

Bitterness is like drinking poison, and expecting your friend to die...

TheAmusedQuail · 29/04/2026 11:41

Edictfromno10 · 29/04/2026 11:40

Bitterness is like drinking poison, and expecting your friend to die...

This is very true.

OP posts:
Rachelshair · 29/04/2026 11:41

Mind your own business and enjoy your health. Social media stalking never made anyone feel better.

ConcernedForWales · 29/04/2026 11:41

TheAmusedQuail · 29/04/2026 11:37

Nevertheless, this is a real person.

And you forgot free gym membership.

Edited

And you think it is OK to plaster their personal details, including private medical and financial details, all over the Internet because you are jealous of them?

Also, there are always two sides to every story.

FiveShelties · 29/04/2026 11:43

TheAmusedQuail · 29/04/2026 11:37

@VillageMilton @Arlanymor you're both right.
@randomchap I would never do that.
@FiveShelties because I'd love to be able to (never mind retire) work a bit less. My work ethic isn't paying off in comparison.

OK, we are all different. I cannot imagine wanting to be massively overweight with several weight related conditions just to work a bit less.

I suppose if that is what you want you know what to do.

Clefable · 29/04/2026 11:45

I mean none of that sounds like a particularly nice life. It sounds stressful and incredibly bad for their health, so I definitely wouldn’t be jealous of any of that.

TheAmusedQuail · 29/04/2026 11:45

Rachelshair · 29/04/2026 11:41

Mind your own business and enjoy your health. Social media stalking never made anyone feel better.

Sadly, it isn't social media. It's from our contact. Strangely enough, I've had huge health issues. Have always managed to work through them though.

OP posts:
Mcdhotchoc · 29/04/2026 11:45

You are looking at it wrong I think.
They are destined to only have a life bound by state benefits, plus a small amount of private pension. They will blow through the "payout".
Honestly you are far better off. Like you i have worked and am still working hard at a reasonable level. I'll likely be 64 or 65 before I can retire.
But I know that I will be self sustaining and not relying on anyone else. I will have options. And will not be bound (please god) by poor health, will be free to travel and enjoy life.
You are envious that this person doesn't have to get and go to work and still have a roof over their head. I get that but it sounds like they are not going to make it to retirement age. Stroke, heart attack, loss of sight and limbs comes from ignoring their health
Put together your own plan and count your blessings.

BobbySheenSomethingNewToDoNsoul · 29/04/2026 11:47

ConcernedForWales · 29/04/2026 11:35

This is like a bingo card.

Free council flat
A disgusting, lazy, workshy fatty
PIP cheat

Oh you'll be shouting..BINGO very soon
These types of thread only have one trajectory..down.

Clefable · 29/04/2026 11:51

I mean essentially they are going to spend the next 30 years or however long they have (probably less given their lifestyle) morbidly obese, riddled with health issues, living in a council flat and on benefits. I doubt their work payout will last that long, if they’re retiring so early, so that’ll be gone soon enough. None of that sounds like a life I would aspire to.

Rachelshair · 29/04/2026 11:52

TheAmusedQuail · 29/04/2026 11:45

Sadly, it isn't social media. It's from our contact. Strangely enough, I've had huge health issues. Have always managed to work through them though.

You said "I watch the social media posts and just think... I'd love 1/10th of that life. But I can't afford it."
If it's affecting you, don't look.

PatNoodle · 29/04/2026 11:53

TheAmusedQuail · 29/04/2026 11:45

Sadly, it isn't social media. It's from our contact. Strangely enough, I've had huge health issues. Have always managed to work through them though.

Well why don't you just become a ginormous lazy fatty then and then you'll be able to live like your friend (that is definitely real)

Pickledonion1999 · 29/04/2026 11:54

Op there are many many people like this in society. As others have said once the pay out is gone and she's claiming basic Uc possibly with the lower health element it won't be a lot to live on around £615 a month with rent paid nd PIP on top. I think we will also see PIP becoming harder to claim in the next few years.

Gowlett · 29/04/2026 11:54

ConcernedForWales · 29/04/2026 11:35

This is like a bingo card.

Free council flat
A disgusting, lazy, workshy fatty
PIP cheat

Well… To be fair. OP is calling it.

We were just talking about a friend who is riding the system (free house, carer’s allowance etc, etc, etc…) who sits around smoking weed while “researching” conspiracy theories all day. Her husband is the cared-for one (but travels all over he country working cash in hand).

They’re both lined up to inherit from wealthy parents, too. She will slag off the government, doctors & “The Man” all while creaming as much as she can off the top of the system. No different really to how the rich do it. It’s a mindset, a sense of entitlement. Or a game, as PP said.

Wouldn’t envy my friend. Or yours, OP.

ConcernedForWales · 29/04/2026 11:55

I think it is pretty poor behaviour to invade someone's privacy to this extent. @TheAmusedQuail you could have made your point without going into so much detail. If the person in question is on MN or their friends and family are they would recognise themselves/be recognised.

SunnieShine · 29/04/2026 11:57

@TheAmusedQuail I don't blame you for feeling annoyed. They have been rewarded for being irresponsible. You haven't been rewarded for trying your best at life.

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