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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go for my run even though everyone needs me?

54 replies

Peacepot · 27/04/2026 14:00

Both my parents are in failing health, which has come on suddenly, and whilst they've been talking about downsizing for a decade or more, they're still living in a very big, very cluttered house.

There's only really me. I'm widowed, one adult DC has loved away, the other (just adult) has his own MH challenges, although is good for practical support when asked, I can't lean on him. DSis lives away too.

In the last 2 weeks, I have taken both of them to A&E and to other scheduled hospital appointments. I was at A&E until midnight last night, when Mum persuaded me to leave, which was a mistake because she was still in the chair, without so much as a drink at 5am.

I've tried to get them to have a social care assessment and/or accept paid help.

I'm still trying to work albeit PT. My boss is off sick (three weeks and counting) meaning I'm trying to keep things ticking over, at the same time as having no one to refer anything to, so I'm doing extra hours. I'll be paid for them, but that's not the point.

My "best" friend has thrown her toys out the pram becuase I wasn't supportive enough over a big thing she did. I did wish her luck and sent a message asking how it went, but I was distracted trying to get 80+ Mum sone actual care in hospital. She's blocked me on everything.

Dad is having an emotional breakdown because we can't find out what's going on for mum. She's been in A&E for 24 hours and hasn't seen a doctor yet - they called and asked her to go in urgently following scan results, so everyone is worried.

My own house hasn't had any housework done for ages, which whikst not the end of the world, contributes to a general feeling of unease.

I've had a massive tax bill (thousands) which I'm sure is wrong. Have tried several times to phone and get to the bottom of it, haven't yet managed to speak to anyone.

My BF has suggested going for a run this afternoon. He's been great, has been bringing me food late at night, giving me lifts so I don't need to try and park at the hospital, but he's definitely a BF rather than a DP/DH iyswim. He's not sharing the emotional burden becuase it would be odd if he did.

I have a million things I should do instead, including going back see Mum and try and find out what's going on. She won't be making a fuss and I can't get an answer by telephone, and going to see what I can do to comfort Dad, trying to sort the tax, doing some food shopping, for me and Dad, doing some work.

Everyone's telling me they don't want to be any trouble (including work) at the same time as telling me problems that aren't going to be fixed unless I do it.

I'm not exactly young myself, and although fit and well, menopause and bereavement mean I don't cope as well as I used to, and am easily overwhelmed.

BF is the only one looking out for me even a little bit, and even without him, running has long been my coping mechanism.

This is one of those put your own oxygen mask on first situations?

OP posts:
Error404FucksNotFound · 27/04/2026 14:01

Absolutely it is. Go for the run.

Chocolattcoffeecup · 27/04/2026 14:01

I skim read your post but yes you need to look after yourself.

MerryGuide · 27/04/2026 14:01

Run!

AlcoholicAntibiotic · 27/04/2026 14:02

Go for the run. You have to do stuff for you as well, or you’ll burn out.

olivietolivie · 27/04/2026 14:02

Oh my God yes OP get out for a bloody good run in the sun!! To be honest, you have an impossible amount on your plate and even if you didn’t run you wouldn’t make even a small dent in it but if you do run your mental health will improve and things will feel better

hopefully someone with practical advice will be along soon but I’m just here to cheerlead and say you NEED to look after you. No use you burning out and all!!

PangaBanga · 27/04/2026 14:03

Go for the run. The last thing you want is for you to get ill yourself and the run will help.

AddictedtoCrunchies · 27/04/2026 14:04

Always run. Stick something inane on to listen to and just go. All that shit will still be there when you get back. You need to carve out some time just for you. X

Gizlotsmum · 27/04/2026 14:04

Honestly everything will still be there after your run but you will feel better able to handle it and it may even give you some clarity in the next steps you need to take!

make the most of someone looking out for you…

Helpboat · 27/04/2026 14:04

Yes. Go for that run.

I held my 60 year old parent’s hand in the ICU as they took their last breath. They destroyed their health and mental health plus their wealth in the end for the sake of everyone else around them like their siblings and parents. My Siblings and I were too young to recognise it when it was happening and it was too late by the time we did.

Oh How I wish parent had been selfish and looked after their health first. Please go for that run.

Mistymaglets · 27/04/2026 14:06

Yep, get your trainers on and get out and enjoy it💐

WhosGotTheKeysToMyBimma · 27/04/2026 14:06

Yanbu.

I suspect, that this will be the first of many crises wrt your mum and dad.

It may seem cruel but the reality is this is a marathon not a sprint, she is safe in hospital for now, you are not urgently needed.

It's best to save your energy for when the shit really hits the fan.

Go for a run, enjoy the sunshine!!!

Peacepot · 27/04/2026 14:08

WhosGotTheKeysToMyBimma · 27/04/2026 14:06

Yanbu.

I suspect, that this will be the first of many crises wrt your mum and dad.

It may seem cruel but the reality is this is a marathon not a sprint, she is safe in hospital for now, you are not urgently needed.

It's best to save your energy for when the shit really hits the fan.

Go for a run, enjoy the sunshine!!!

It would be lovely to think she is safe, but how is leaving a frail woman in a wheelchair without any help all night, safe?

OP posts:
SausageRoll2020 · 27/04/2026 14:12

Go for the run, you can't pour from an empty bucket.

When back from your run look at what you can do quickly and easily, that could be something like ordering groceries to be delivered instead of going to the supermarket and arranging a cleaner (if finances allow), it'll just tick something off that list.

You may just have to be a bit firmer with your parents, sounds like they really need that social care review, you cannot do everything.

Net123456 · 27/04/2026 14:15

Go for the run and when you get back try ringing PALS at the hospital and see if they can help you find out what’s going on with your mum

ShrankLastWinter · 27/04/2026 14:16

Off you go

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 27/04/2026 14:17

I think you need the run precisely because everyone else wants a piece of you.

Also sounds like BF is being an excellent friend right now - there for practical help, bringing you food etc.

Sorryaboitbyour actual friend, what a brat she is being.

I hope things ease so OP and your mum gets sorted xx

ArabellaWeird · 27/04/2026 14:18

running has long been my coping mechanism\

...now is not the time to stop running. Run.

jackstini · 27/04/2026 14:18

Do it

I have had recent periods where I feel I am absolutely overwhelmed and drowning

I went for the walk I needed and it really helped

Not going would not have made enough of a dent in the pile of poo anyway

If you don’t take care of yourself you will not be able to take care of anyone or anything else anyway

SpaceRaccoon · 27/04/2026 14:19

Your friend is an absolute disgrace! Who is that self-absorbed?

Peacepot · 27/04/2026 14:23

SpaceRaccoon · 27/04/2026 14:19

Your friend is an absolute disgrace! Who is that self-absorbed?

Tbf she doesn't know about this current episode with Mum, but yes.

I'm meeting BF at the bottom of a very big hill at 3pm 🤣

OP posts:
Peacepot · 27/04/2026 14:24

DS has gone to do some jobs for his Grandad, without being asked.

OP posts:
OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 27/04/2026 14:27

Tell your selfish friend what’s been occupying your time. If she doesn’t drop everything instantly to support you, as she’s expected of you, then she’s a massive hypocrite.

Go for your run. Put your own oxygen mask on before you put on anyone else’s etc

CoffeeAndACroissant · 27/04/2026 14:28

Another chiming in to say go for that run. Even if it's only a quick 5k, it's something for you that will help set you up to manage the rest of your day.

Your best friend is no friend at all. Ditch her and then that's one less person to deal with.

Peacepot · 27/04/2026 14:29

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 27/04/2026 14:27

Tell your selfish friend what’s been occupying your time. If she doesn’t drop everything instantly to support you, as she’s expected of you, then she’s a massive hypocrite.

Go for your run. Put your own oxygen mask on before you put on anyone else’s etc

Edited

I can't, she's blocked me 🤣

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 27/04/2026 14:30

Theres a saying "you cant pour from an empty cup" You absolutely do go for your run .And also need help with DP as well.Can your sister give you a break at all ? It sounds relentless