To try and get pregnant at 46

[Whywoojjh]

I’m 46 and would like to try for my first child is this too late? I’m also 47 in July

I know someone who did this at 48 with an egg and sperm donor. Carrier it herself. She had no regrets.

My own personal view is that it’s too old. Children need young parents who have enough energy to take on the hard work. Also the risk of a chromosomal abnormality is high. Could you cope with a downs child when you are nearly 60 and the child is a teenager? Your choice of course, but I don’t think I could cope.

I had my first child at 44 and my second just before I was 48. I didn't get married till I was 40. They were both very much wanted, though, of course, you can't really plan very clearly ahead for children by this stage in life. My youngest child, especially, was more of a lovely surprise. We had decided not to use IVF but I had really hoped there was a possibility of having a family.

I love them so much and they have made my life so different. I have retired now and have a pretty good relationship with my teenagers. They are so lovely.

I really do understand you wanting a child, but you could really regret doing it.
The chances of ND problems are very high plus the start of teenage years at 60 would potentially be a complete nightmare. At 60+ you wouldn’t have the energy let alone will to deal with it.

She mightn't have but how did the child feel about it

The maternal clock is there for very good reason. I don’t think women like OP really understand it until they’ve had DC later on in life. Then they really get it.

It doesn’t matter how super fit anyone is at 46 because no one can beat the tiredness that comes with aging.

Yes, too old. Surely you knew the answer to this question before you posted?

Think how old you be when they are 21. Then consider if they will be at a far flung university. Will be be up for those long drop offs? If your not sure you drive say 300 miles at 68 and help out financially still. I had dd at 40. She told me her friend GRAN was 36 when her friend was born. I have told her she needs to make getting pregnant before her gcses a priority then 😅.

Neither 15 or 47 is ideal. But when is? For me, 40 didn't feel too old. Driving her to central London for coaches or driving her stuff to uni as I do regularly for her brother at 60 will be fine. But I do find long drives harder at 50 than I did at 40. It's not just the baby years. Dd doesn't think I live to see her be a mum. I'm not the oldest mum at school. But I'm in the vast minority even in very expensive village. I had my first at 29

I know someone who successfully had a baby at 46 but it was their 6th go at IVF - and I'm not sure i would have had the ability to go through that many rounds. You'd be 47 by the time you could even start IVF (i think a natural conception and birth is beyond unlikely). I think the odds are just against you to such an extraordinary extent unfortunately.

My friend met her partner mid 40s-md they had one aged 47, the other aged 49. I think your ‘decided to’ makes the difference though- have you always wanted a child or is this a sudden panic thing?

OP posted once and didn't return. Windup.

Absolutely do. And considered very carefully before doing it for that reason. Would not have proceeded past certain point and didn't go other times because of it.

I am 49 and when my 4yr old nephew was staying last weekend I wondered how older parents cope. I had mine fairly young and the difference with how much energy I had then to now is another level. Peri / menopause with terrible 2’s - not easy. But its up to you. My mum always says how much she hated having an older mother (she was 42 when she was born, but back then it was fairly old).

I am 42 with a 19 year old and a 16 year old. Parenting children and teenagers is bloody hard!
Babies are only babies for such a small amount of time, the longing for a baby is illogical really!

There have been times when my children were smaller that I have worked a full time job and every evening/weekend was spent getting them to activities/friends houses/parties etc. I managed (by the skin of my teeth) because I was young myself when I had them, if they were little now they would have a very different life, I just don't have it in me to do that anymore.

A baby at 47 is perfectly doable, a child/teenager in your 50's/60's would be a complete no from me.

That ship has sailed I’m afraid you’ve had decades to have a child and yet you wait until now

of course you cold have someone else’s via donation but that’s incredibly morally and ethically selfish

Are you in a relationship OP or wanting to bring the child up alone? Personally I’d say you’ve left it too late and agree with PP a teenager in your 60’s would be hard not to mention the cost of bringing up a child close to retirement age especially if single that’s if you could even get pg with your first at such a late age.

Christ.

This could end up in a situation where op’s health deteriorates and she has a young adult child who ends up worrying about her than living her life.

Also, what is your financial situation op? I am very aware how much young adults are struggling with the job market and to move out and i am saving for it even though my kids are very young. Meanwhile you would getting your pension.

I had my youngest at 43 and it was hard work and high risk because of my age, but she is so worth it.I had my other kids when I was younger, so have seen both sides, definitely harder when your older .

I am 48 and have a very active 3 year old and I enjoy every second. We don’t have much support around us which is tough, but we are high earners so don’t have to worry about finances. I’m fit and have done a recent hyrox. I would love to have had my little one 10 years earlier, but I only married at 36 and had a very long infertility battle with many losses. There is no right or wrong age, we all are doing our best to have a life we love.

This.

My mum had cancer in her early 50s and then again later. She tested negative for the cancer gene and her consultant told her that health does deteriorate after 50 and that illnesses are more likely due to age than genetics. My mum did need support after her cancer surgery and i was lucky i was already in my early 20s to take time off work to look after her.

I took this into consideration when deciding my cut off for having my own kids.

I think this reply is way OTT.

There are so many parents who, quite frankly, should not have children because they don't have the right mindset, the parenting skills, the secure relationship, the secure financial situation, the dedication, lack of an abusive husband - the list goes on.

Being a few years older isn't necessarily something that makes the child any more - or even as much - of a "poor baby" than plenty of these children that are pouring out of maternity wards on a daily basis.

That said, OP, parenting is tiring. There is a fundamental difficulty for mums about your age in answering this question as, personally, I would feel too tired at this age BUT I guess a part of that is because I already have a family and adding another at this point is possibly different from having a "clean slate" as it were. To throw night-time feeds into my current family situation would be too much, but I guess I might feel differently if I only had the one baby to focus on.

I love this post.

And so much of what you reference is why babies born to older mums are not necessarily the "poor babies" at all.

Sometimes fertility issues mean people don't have children until later. Plus young parents can have children affected by DS for example.

Don't do it

Yes you're to old and ir would be selfish.