why is it hard to like other people’s boy children

[Halfmunch]

I am a mother to girls, and have no brothers and I admit I don’t have much experience of raising or being around boys. The boys in my life I can find them overwhelming, frustrating and to be honest, self centred and lazy.

However, I am wondering if this is related to how people parent the boys, and a patriarchal society rather than the boys - as in it’s not their fault, they were not born this way. Is this something other parents have noticed, like Little Prince Syndrome?

My husband has a 12yo son and even after 5 years I struggle to bond with him. I have 2 x 9yo nephews and I also struggle with them. All 3 kids have different parents.

The boys are all overbearing in conversations - yell and talk over everyone else and already at their age ?!? mansplain and refuse to accept explanations or answers, challenging everything, ie. They all seem to ‘know better’ when a female answers a question and all have very singular topics they are only interested in, not interested in other people really. Step son is obsessed with football, so everything you do has to centre around that, and if it doesn’t, he’s completely disinterested in anything else and just mopes about.

I notice the boys all seem to opt out of clearing up, after a meal finished they will return to either talking about their chosen topic without noticing everyone else is clearing up, or go do their own activity, and have to be asked/reminded to do even minor tasks such as take a plate to the kitchen. I often watch them at family parties and while everyone else is pitching in, they have wandered off kicking a ball around quietly and when asked to help ‘oh I didn’t realise…’ however if it’s something slightly dangerous, they will barge in and get in your way even if you don’t want them to help they feel entitled to ‘help’ like SS demanding to be allowed to ‘light the BBQ’ unsupervised

They are nice boys, but I often read posts on here about people’s useless husbands, and think hmm well, there seems to be an awful lot of these males around… and it probably starts young!

My DH often feels frustrated as he’s very much an equal partner with a female, and believes in equality. He feel like he’s always nagging his son to try to get him to learn about life but many females seem to enable this! DH’s mum acts like SS is made of china, and my mum is the same with my nephew.

Is there a way we can tackle this as society?

How well do you daughters get on with your DSS OP? How old are your DDs?

I am one of all girl siblings and all of my children are boys. I am absolutely positive that my life with all boys is a lot lot easier than my Mum’s life with all girls. She had it HARD with us lot when we were little 😅.

I’ve actually come to realise from this threadI am sensitive to seeing this because I’ve been so heavily exposed to male violence, oppression etc on a personal level.

as many responding are women, and not men, I am talking to mothers and not the fathers here. That doesn’t mean I excuse fathers from this topic. I think some women are more fortunate than others, they do not have such a wealth of dark experiences related to men, perhaps this makes it far easier to blinker yourself from reality and the truth. I would even put my own sister into this category. It doesn’t really bother her that her son/husband might behave this way because she doesn’t connect it to being wrong or that it might have a detrimental impact upon a women, it’s not that bad, doesn’t really affect anyone - but yet, it does. My sister has been conditioned to accept this is male/female roles and I don’t accept it because I’ve personally experienced abuse of these roles. Every time we as parents/society accept or allow something to go on that’s not acceptable another generation of boys is learning the same lesson over and over.

I suspect it’s just easier to see potential future threat to society in male children as girls are overall less likely to commit a crime. I’m not the creator of these statistics so I don’t know why I get told I’m being delusional.

What is a typical boy ?
My boys were inquisitive , curious ,adventurous and energetic .
They were also well mannered and polite and absolutely never left a wreck of broken chairs and toys behind.
My daughter was quite similar in many ways but unlike her brothers she was never concerned about getting dirty and muddy , is that a typical girl ?
They have a father who has always treated me respectfully so they know what is expected of them and my daughter knows how she should be treated.
These expectations are to do with respect , self respect and common decency i have never differentiated my expectations of them because of their sex.
To me there is no 'typical'.

Hmm! Sounds like you are disappointed you never had a son. I wouldn't swap my sons for anything. I have a young grandaughter now & we're like peas in a pod. I love her like my own but I have to admit I still have a huge soft spot for the boys in my extended family. I'm sorry this has been your experience OP.

I’m intrigued how well your daughters get on with your DSS!

These boys sound badly raised. My DS and his friends are a great bunch - lively and lots of fun but still respectful and helpful.

This is all true but I don’t think this means “it’s hard to like boy children”

The men watching the TV behind you at a meal is awful - I’d have been tempted to walk out. As are the penis portions. I’d have been very vocal about that if it’d been me - but all the more so I’d have expected DH to be - “oh no, Mum, the Ninky needs more food than me, she’s bfing remember! I’ll just get up and get here some more, or if there’s not enough I’ll swap.”

I remember once being with family and family friends at a restaurant in Rome (not an expensive one). Sat down at the table and then realised all the men were sitting on the other side - then looked over my shoulder and there was a big screen behind me all ready to show the footie! Couldn’t walk out as sadly I was 17 and with my parents.

Absolute tosh.

What a ridiculous ridiculous thread.

I wonder if the OP even has children or is this pure rage bait?

You are 100% right about the future threat to society from male children sadly, you are not delusional .
Thankfully I have had largely positive experiences related to men but i certainly do not consider myself blinkered, i am worldly and switched on .
But your original post will have rubbed many parents up the wrong way with your comments about boy children, it's disappointing that you see them so negatively.
The vast majority of children aren't going to grow up as a threat to women or become criminals and out of the men they become a large proportion will contribute equally to the families they create.

I have taken this quote from the NPCC website

In 2024, police chiefs declared VAWG a national emergency through a national statement, calling for a whole-system approach that brings together criminal justice partners, government bodies, health and education to collectively tackle the threat, through earlier identification of perpetrators and prevention work.

Deputy Assistant Commissioner Helen Millichap took responsibility for the national portfolio for Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG) in June 2025 and is also the Director of the National Centre for VAWG and Public Protection (NCVPP).
DAC Millichap said:

“The challenge with VAWG offences is the sheer scale and complexity of the crimes. But if we were able to identify patterns of behaviour early, interventions can also take place way before the police are involved, stopping future perpetrators and preventing new victims. The whole system needs to step into this threat, and it starts early. Policing has a unique role, and we are up for the challenge, but we are only one part of a wider system that must play their part.

“The work we have done over the last few years has been steadily creating a new culture in policing where I truly believe the focus required is not in doubt. What I want, is to show the public that progress is happening and for them to be confident that it is happening everywhere.”

Law enforcement alone cannot reduce the scale and impact of VAWG. 1 in 20 people are estimated to be perpetrators of VAWG per year, with the actual number thought to be significantly higher.

Evidence shows many of these perpetrators will have touch points with a number of agencies outside of policing through their life, presenting opportunities for intervention.

This includes health, education, local authority, voluntary sector and industry all working in tandem with the criminal justice system, sharing data and responsibilities to effect change across the board.

Stats show someone’s son on this thread will commit a crime against a woman in his lifetime.

If you have a issue with the thread use the report button

I'm very clear with my son that it's not OK to continue boring someone with your chosen topic of conversation (usually football/sport/video game) when they are Not Interested.

I think it's really important that parents don't just patiently listen to them waffle on about fortnite or whatever, it gives them an unrealistic idea that people are interested/ don't mind it when actually lots of people don't want to hear about their chosen topic whether that's some ridiculous roblox game, football, or pokemon or whatever. I nip it in the bud early on by cutting them off and reminding them they know I don't play that game/ watch that sport and am not interested and have told them this before so why are they trying to talk to me about this again?!

At this age I think girls just tend to be a bit more mature as puberty hits girls earlier on average.

I regularly see really poor behaviour from boys. Today I saw a 7 year old boy being disrespectful and violent to his mother (deliberately stepping on her toes despite her saying it hurts and stop it).

I could list so many more. There’s only a handful of boys I think are actually lovely, and will grow into decent men. Very few will say thank you if you hold a door open for them, girls do this every time.

I’ve also had a boy stand up to give his seat to my daughter at a busy event, who he didn’t know. Both his parents praised him, so was clearly interested in raising a gentleman. I can see many mothers saying ‘why did you give your seat to that girl’ etc. I think a lot is parenting issues. This dad was already standing so clearly leading by example. Boys need good role models.

Boys aren’t all bad. But there are very few I would be shocked to hear had done something awful….. it’s definitely a huge problem.

The op clearly has a very fixed opinion of boys despite not having her own boy/boys.
We all pretty much know about the statistics she gives us but we also know that the vast majority of our boys aren't likely to be in those statistics.
It really is a shame that she has this extremely blinkered view , i hope her daughters are lesbians to save them from our dreadful boys !
I still think her thread was intended to goad .

To answer some of the pointless mundane questions

My daughters are teenagers. They are out in the nice weather enjoying their lives. I’m relaxing in my garden. I have a normal relationship with them

The girls in our household all do not like the boy behaviour. Not all of the girls are my children. They all notice it and complain about the lazy entitled things, so it’s not just me

My mum and sister absolutely do pander to little prince syndrome. My niece (sibling of 9yo nephew) absolutely cannot stand her own brother and they have a terrible relationship.

Sometimes we spent time together as an extended family and my DH and his younger brother are very hands on and involved, our other BILs are super lazy and entitled and the difference is stark. Not all men are bad (never said that) but now in childhood is the time to get control of unacceptable male behaviour not later down the line when he’s a adult

Do you even hear what you are saying? Now just casual homophobia is acceptable to defend men?

Love it when people just bitch at the OP with nothing useful to add.

It's one thing to start a thread or debate about how patriarchal attitudes are passed down through parenting - it definitely happens. But "why is it hard to like other people’s boy children" is just goady fuckery.

From your recent posts OP, it sounds like you're probably quite susceptible to confirmation bias about boys, because you've found a pattern and narrative you like based on a statistical sample of three boys and two sets of parents (your dss's mum and your own family) who you've identified as doing something wrong.

Writing off all boys with a massive generalisation is so enormously unhelpful and blind. Have you never spoken to any mothers of boys who work hard to counter society's socialisation of boys? Is it that you don't believe we exist? What about fathers of boys who are also not like your stereotypes and also work hard to bring up boys well?

You seem to have this incredibly narrow idea of what must be going on for society to have ended up the way it is, or it seems like that's all you want to see.

If you genuinely wanted to have a discussion about all the overt and insidious ways in which socialisation into patriarchal attitudes happens right from birth, then starting off with a sweeping general statement about other people's boy children being hard to like was blindingly obviously not the way to go.

Had you been genuinely interested in that discussion, you might have learned a lot from the experiences of parents of boys, especially mothers, especially feminist mothers. But you seem to have decided they have nothing to offer.

It's amazing how somehow all the boys seem to have been given to the bad parents and all the girls to the good parents. Or just possibly it's not that simple.

@Leavelingeringbreath sorry I missed this but this is a good point - I notice DH will allow SD to dominate and bore everyone and not allow others a turn, he will also interrupt everyone else’s conversations to be nosy and I do think it’s really important to teach children not to do this. It’s bad manners but also it’s not teaching them conversational skills. Boys do need to learn this - talking AT someone is NOT a conversation

@doodlydell I didn’t really know what to call it, tbh I hear now you are all far more superior in intelligence to me and wouldn’t be so silly. Good for you.

You can’t say anything about boys, ever, in any context as no mothers will ever consider their boy may one day become an offender. It doesn’t really matter what the title is: it’s the topic that’s the issue.

You have unfortunately missed the whole point of the nuance of this.

A bad parent of a girl child will likely not mean their girl child is potentially going to cause harm to other women. It doesn’t mean girl parents are good and boy parents are bad. It means the mistake you make with a boy statistically have far worse outcomes on society as a whole.

Bad girl parents usually have other issues, entitled behaviour that can lead to domestic violence and sexual assaults is not the same for girls/women. If you want to start a thread about the harm poor parenting of girls has on society you are free to do so