Daughter didn’t enjoy holiday

[Personil]

DH and I went on holiday with my DD (11). When asked if she enjoyed the holiday she says it was ok but was ruined by being left on her own for 2 hours every day. What she’s referring to is when we went for a siesta. Months later she’s saying she wouldn’t want to go again. WWBU?

It does sound like a pretty boring holiday. There doesn't seem to be much that's centered around a child's interests and idea of fun.

She did entertain herself each day though. She just admitted afterwards that she didn't particularly enjoy having to do so everyday. Is that something you can comprehend?

Of course I can comprehend that. And at least she told them so they can avoid the situation arising next time - she can go to her grandparents and her parents can have the holiday they want

When we're away as a family in a hot country on holiday, we often go to our room later in the afternoon, all take a shower and then chill out for an hour or two.
The kids might have a nap, watch netflix or play a card game in this time. Maybe have a snack.
Then we all go out together for the evening, nice and refreshed.

I don’t believe that if you had to do something, not of choice, everyday on holiday, whether it’s sitting in a room alone waiting for someone to wake up, or being dragged to watch your friend’s favourite pub singer for a daily 2 hour concert, you’d be absolutely fine with it.

Kid or kids. I think it makes a difference if there are other siblings there, even if each is sitting quietly.

I totally agree. My 12 yr old would be desperate for some downtime and phone scrolling after being active in the morning and presumably late afternoon and evening. It's understandable, if she didn't say anything at the time, that you were unaware of how much she disliked the 'siesta' time.
I don't think you were necessarily being unreasonable but now you know that doesn't suit her, I suppose you will have to change the holiday style or just get her to 'suck it up'. As an only child I expect she is used to being always put first and those one child families I know do, naturally revolve around the child and their needs/wants. That's not a criticism , just a natural thing.

I understood what you meant - my late husband needed an afternoon sleep when we were on holiday because he had a heart condition.

Yes fair point. My kids stay clear of eachother for the most part lol. Teenagers.

We're a quiet family and all very comfortable having some quiet time by ourselves. They seem to mostly take it as an opportunity to eat crisps and watch a series on Netflix.

Yes the solution to this problem is obviously leave the child behind and prioristise the adults. 😂 In a few short years she will be inevitably off holidaying with her friends surely most attentive parents would rather sacrifice a few years of holidays that were not adult centric between now and then so they could make lovely positive memories for themselves and their children even if that meant sacrificing a 2 hour daily nap or holidaying elsewhere.

I think it’s sad that your daughter disliked the holiday so much at only 11 she would rather not come again.

I also don’t understand needing to go for a 2 hour nap every single day both of you at the same time.

2 hours a day alone just stuck in a livingroom with a tv you don’t understand and a few books is yeah boring.

But I mean at least now you can have your old people holidays in peace since she would actually rather be with granny. 😅

What sort of holidays did/do you have with your own children? I only took mine away on my own twice, youngest would have been around the 11 mark. Both places were hot but I didn’t book myself a two hour siesta every day, even though it was just me having to navigate the holidays.

I think you need to restructure your holiday days if you genuinly want your dd to enjoy them. Don’t be so close to the hotel at 2pm, go out for a full day. You can find air conditioned places outside if it gets too hot. Being fully away from the hotel 2 days out of a week’s holiday is doable and better than being in the room every single afternoon.

I find it absolutely pathetic that some posters can’t fathom an eleven year old entertaining herself for two hours everyday. There have been a serious of studies on teenage mental health outcomes recently and the increase in depression and anxiety amongst this age group and beyond. One of the main takeaways about what you can do to reduce the chance of this is developing independence. It’s incredibly depressing that so many people think an eleven year old being alone for two hours in a safe place is a terrible thing. In the 90s being bored was positively encouraged. Going out for a lovely morning and then coming back for a siesta is fine and normal. Indeed, she will not have been in the minority. Constantly entertaining your children all of the time is not good for them or good for you. We are parents, not clowns. Being bored is fine, sometimes creativity comes from boredom. And sometimes they’ll just be bored and that’s fine too.

It’s ironic that granny does physical activities with her, whereas her parents toddle off for an afternoon nap every single day. Who are the real old folks here? 😁

I would agree on day to day life but for me personally family holidays should be treated differently. I don’t know about you, but I don’t deliberately factor my children needing to be bored on family holidays as some kind of life lesson.

Are you joking?

Oh, do one will you? Who the Hell goes on a family holiday and dumps their 11 year old child alone for hours every day?

But she doesn’t get to dictate the holiday. Like I said upthread, she can do whatever she wants to on holiday when she is old enough to book and pay for it.

In the meantime, two hours with the TV and some books is hardly cruelty.

Dumps them alone for hours?? FFS 🤣

Has op answered yet if this was the DD's bio dad? And if not, how old the relationship is?

I kind of think there is a difference if this is both her bio parents who asked her to read and chill while they take a couple of hours rest in between spending quality time very much focused on their DD, or a new relationship that DD probably already feels a bit like the third wheel in and the DD is being carted round with a pair of smitten adults who can't wait to get back to bed.

Context is everything...

This is completely normal in the Mediterranean. We often book a villa in Greece and we always do siesta time as it is too hot to be outside. Many villa complexes have rules about what you can do during siesta time, ie you must be mindful that others are sleeping and if outdoors you need to keep the volume down. Resting in the day means you can make the most of the cool evening, and this is why Spanish and Greek kids are up so late. It isn’t losing 2 hours of the holiday, it’s moving 2 hours of family around so that you make the most of the weather.

Our kids are well used to it. They read, colour, listen to audio books, play games etc. Occasionally they’ll have a lie down and doze as they know that if they are rested it will make us more likely to stay out for a late ice cream after dinner. DH and I occasionally sleep but otherwise we read a book.

Don’t most people’s 11 year olds do their own thing in their bedroom for at least 2 hours a day at the weekend?

It does mean you have to pack some quiet activities to keep the siesta period pleasant though.

At home sure my children have plently of oh well be bored time.

But a family holiday is supposed to be fun and better than being home something you look forward to.

On holiday she doesn’t have all the things that she would normally have or do to keep her entertained by herself.

Not old enough to just go off for a walk and explore, not old enough to be off swimming while mum and dad nap.

Surely if leaving her to entertain herself is so bad, it wouldn’t make a difference?

When in Egypt which was pretty hot we would want naps the afternoon after a day out or activity but we would take turns & it would be under a parasol pool side whilst the other person parented. I think there was one afternoon where partner napped, youngest fell asleep on me, I then fell asleep so oldest, 13 at the time took himself to the onsite water park. I think at 11 it’s very hard for her to occupy herself within the room, can’t do a game as noone to do it with, can’t play in the pool, can’t find another kid to run around with as she is in the room. Perhaps it would have been more fair for you to rest your eyes pool side whilst she went to a kids club instead?

I haven't voted yet: I need more info!